Sick, but posting (don't expect much)

First it's just life getting busy. Then it's the holidays. Now I'm sick.

I was not destined to be a daily blogger apparently. Ah well. Isn't it the thought that counts?

This is a quick touch base because I really want to go back to bed and drink more hot tea - not necessarily in that order.

Well, after the last post it went back and stayed at 218 for a bit but I kept at it of course. I took a day off on Thanksgiving. Figured how could I possibly track all that home cooked food? I even ate a Happy Meal for lunch that day. What a rebel.

Today is my second day in a row at 214 which is wonderful - but part of me says it isn't real as I've been sick and just not as hungry as I might have been. The old rule was, 2 days in a row = the weight is real, so I'm going with it.

Haven't exercised in heavens knows how long. Sure, I've walked around the malls and been more active in some daily ways - but nothing as solid as going to the gym. The Girlfriend and I were talking just the other day and I said that at this rate we might as well just buy a treadmill because at $55 a month we could have bought one by now and hopefully we would have used it more if it was in the house. But I really did love that Pilates class. And I really do like going to the gym. Oh well. For today I'm not going because I'm sick. If excuses keep outnumbering my gym days, I may have to re-think that membership.

My biggest news? I'm eating carrots. Not right now, but I'm eating them on a regular basis. Cold with dinner. Chopped in salads. Shredded in sandwiches. I'm shocked. I never thought I'd do that. And I have a feeling that's just an "entry" veggie. Today I chopped up some celery, onion and apple into my chicken salad. Yesterday I bought jicama to put into my salad some time this week. It may be a slow process to bring veggies back into regular circulation - but as with everything else here I know baby steps will get me a lot farther than doing nothing had ever done for me!

One calorie. One work out. One veggie. One post. One step at a time.

Another baby step forward

217!!!!!!

Never before has such a big number looked so small! After 2 weeks of hanging out with 220, this was a wonderful surprise this morning. Even if I move around a bit, I'm ok with that from day to day. But to finally see a new low number is just amazing!

When walking by a mirror this afternoon something in my head said - I have more neck. And sure enough - I seem to have just the tiniest bit more neck and less chin today. Funny how that stuff works... But there is was. Or should I say wasn't...

So, I miss fast food (Oh Taco Bell, you sweet mistress...), I miss our traditional home cooked meals (Fried chicken, Fried pork chops, Fried catfish... you get the idea), and I SOOOO miss going out to eat all the time - but I don't miss the extra pounds at ALL. :)

Goals: Through the eyes of others

Today I put out a request to one of the groups I'm in on TDP (That's The Daily Plate for those of you that haven't been paying attention) to get their advice. I've been no lower than 220 since Oct 27th, with 7 days between now and then being a bit higher. So, I asked them to look at what I was eating, and the exercise I was tracking and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

I think they did a great job - though all saw something different. Here are the basics. Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Eat more fiber. Eat more in general - my calories are again slipping too low. Watch out for sodium. Get a regular work out routine that includes both cardio and weight training.

Simple enough right? Except I knew all these things needed to happen before. I've become MUCH more aware of sodium. I know I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies and I'm trying to make it more of a conscious thing. Haven't found that magical formula yet. And yes - I know I need to work out more regularly. I think The Girlfriend and I go back and forth blaming who's at fault for us not going. Right now I'm not going because I've been working long hours, then coming home to make dinner (freaking cooking taking all that time...) and then working on my big event this weekend. So yea - no gym time. I'd like that to change next week, but seriously - during Thanksgiving? I don't think so...

Here's what I saw when I read it all. I need to have a plan. I need to know what I'm going to eat for dinner when I leave for work so I know if it's a big snack day or a light one. I need to plan when I'm getting in those fruits and veggies. I need to know that it's going to be a heavy sodium dinner to I need to take a light sodium lunch. And I need to plan for the gym.

I have a sick fantasy about getting up early and going to the gym before work. But I'm a night person - NOT a morning person. Not sure I could really pull that one off. If I haven't come up with a better plan by January though - I think I might have to give it a shot. Maybe.

Crap. We'll see.

Let's get through Thanksgiving first.

Salad vs. Burger: And the loser is...

Why does a salad cost twice as much as a burger?

Seriously.

Why?

I'm asking.

I'm not just talking about some foo foo salad at a fancy restaurant either. I'm talking iceberg lettuce, dry carrot strips and a squishy cherry tomato. If I made that at home - 25 cents? Heck, even with retail costs I'm guessing it could be done for no more then 12 cents. But at some fast food place they think they're being nice by putting it on the 99 cent menu. Showing that they have gone healthy. (See folks, fast food isn't bad for you - we have salads!) Ya know what else is on that 99 cent menu? A bacon double cheese burger. A quarter pound double stack. A southwest barbecue burger. The list gets bigger every day.

I can't make a quarter pound double cheese burger for 12 cents. Beef is expensive. Farmers have to buy the seed to grow barley and hay and grass and whatever else cows eat. They have to pay for someone to harvest it. Farmers have to pay to grow the cows. Manufacturing plants have to pay their workers to... um... make the animal a food product that no longer vividly resembles an animal. Truckers have to load and deliver - paying more and more for the gas. Then there are most likely half a dozen middle men before it actually gets to market somewhere in between all that. Then what? After all those folks have been paid and have had to pay, Fast Food Buyer A gets their product. Then they have to pay for it to go through some processing plant to put it into perfectly sized patties. Saves time, costs money. Then those perfectly shaped patties are boxed and sent via all sorts of shipping methods (which do not run cheap for heavy frozen items) to get them to Fast Food Store A. Now what all that is happening, someone is doing the same thing with the wheat that makes the bun, and even the companies cranking out that special sauce. None of it's natural - and it takes a lot of work.

So how is that hamburger equal in cost on the Dollar Menu to rapidly browning iceberg lettuce?

The lust for beef money ruins rain forests. In High School I remember learning how many acres of the rain forest had been destroyed by McDonald's alone as some of those farmers were expanding their farms as beef sold at such a high price - but those dang trees were getting in the way of their fields.

The drive for heartier beef leads good hearted farmers to make decisions they would rather not do including smaller areas, hormones and anything else that he hears might help him to get an extra $1 per head for his heard.

The craving for beef is enough that even when folks know they shouldn't eat it, they order it in massive quantities. McDonald's Triple Cheeseburger. Burger King's Quad Stacker. Ordering 10-20 White Castles. We do it because we can. Because it tastes good. We know it's not good for us, we know we're hurting ourselves. But....

A burger costs as much as an iceberg lettuce salad. Costs just as much, but won't leave you hungry when you're done. When you're hungry, which one feels like the better value? It's just not a fair game they're playing.

And before you walk away - want fries with that?

Why is liquid so heavy?

So. Tired.

Must. Write. Blog.

Well, it's not quite that bad YET but the night is still young. On the way home from work, rather than stop at the gym, I stopped at church for my work out. Oh yes. My work out. And on a cool night I broke a sweat.

We're doing a open mic/coffee shop kind of a thing this week. We're hoping to make this a monthly thing. It's kinda my baby. I've been looking forward to doing this for awhile now. It's very exciting.

What's not so exciting is carrying up cases of soda, Iced Tea, Apple juice, Soy Milk, and the other various liquid and solid substances that will be going in our little cafe - UP a flight of stairs at night with no outdoor light in shoes that slip off even more easily than they slip on. I'll say there was definitely prayer involved. Good spot for it I figure...

So I haven't been to the gym in FAR too long again, but I figure today counts as a work out. I went up and down the stairs about 4-5 times each way, plus my trips into the kitchen and then there's all the lifting and carrying. I'm going to guess it's about equal to 20 min on the treadmill. Fingers crossed.

Maybe Mr. Scale will chose to honor me with a dip down tomorrow morning? Or maybe not. But one can always hope.

To shred or not to shred...

I have a great paper shredder. It rocks. It can shred paper or even credit cards. In a world of identity theft and constant pre-approved credit card offers, I considered it a mandatory thing.

But all that changed not long ago.

My recycling center no longer accepts shredded paper. Apparently shredded paper clogs the sorting machine. My first thought was - if ever individual who has a recycling can paid $1-3 more per month I'm sure we could afford a few workers to do a pre-sort of the recycle stuff to ensure that it wasn't an issue. But then I realized - it gets everywhere. I've gone to pull something that was accidentally tossed from the recycling can and it was a disaster. I can only imagine how awful it would be once everything was dumped in the truck. [Note, we have on trash can and one recycle can. All stuff goes in the same can and then is dumped into a "recycle truck" once a week] This isn't even the worst issue for our local recycling center. Can't tell you how many folks I've seen with bagged things (No bags allowed), tree trimmings (no nature!), soda boxes (can't be recycled due to plastic film), and more stuffed into the recycle container. I recently found out that my city pays over $250K a year to truck the "trash" from the recycle center over to the dump each year. Are you kidding me? That is insane! And with the price of gas going up - that number is only going to get higher.

Back to my original thought here. So, I called the credit associations to put myself on the list to not get pre-approved offers anymore. Some still trickle in, but I'm hoping that will end soon. But what do I do with it all?

Currently my plan is to go through each piece slowly looking for any identifiable piece of info or a special code reserved just for me - and I rip that off and shred just that chunk. If it's several times on the same piece of paper, the whole thing gets shredded. But MAN that takes SO much more time!

So here I am, spending 30-45 extra minutes of earth loving, identity protecting time reading, reviewing checking, making piles and shredding. Thinking to myself over and over - to shred or not to shred? Protect my identity, or protect the earth? But when I see the pile of shredded paper going into the trash, I can't help but think that there should be away for me to do both at the same time.

Let them eat cake!

I've been taking cake decorating classes. Yes, not the healthiest hobby to pursue, but I grew up with a love for it. My Aunt used to decorate cakes. I spent hours and hours of my childhood flipping through Wilton cake decorating books. Always on the look out for a) What I thought was cool b)What I wanted for my next birthday and c) How I wanted my wedding cake to look.

I still have clear pictures of cakes I STILL want for my next birthday (There's one I desperately wanted for my 30th that never quite happened. 3 dimensional teddy bear sitting in a wagon. Bout a foot wide, foot and a half long and bit over a foot tall. If I don't get it before then I'll make it for myself by my 40th!) and I remember all the funky 70's - 80's things that I thought would be SO cool - stairs and water fountains. Now, these are cheesy. Then, they were an architectural and technological marvel. Well - to an 8 year old.)

So anyhow, I'm now taking classes in the same place where my aunt used to buy her cake based goods. I remember coming here as a kid too. Still owned by the same family. Still looks the same. She might have even taken classes here - I was too young to remember those details.

But I remember the cakes. Smelling them bake. Watching her prepare. Watching her create something of beauty out of nothing in particular except flour and sugar.

Being healthy is important. Of the 2 cakes made this weekend, I will have one small slice of each - enough to be social as 1 is going to a party for a friend and the other is going to church. This isn't the most "healthy choice" in terms of calories. But when I see other folks oooh and aah over a cake I've made, the same way they used to do for my aunt, it feels oh so healthy on a much higher level.

Healthy isn't just about calories and sodium and sugar intake. It's about being a better person. Feeling better about who you are, what you bring and what you leave behind.

Today I made cakes, took a class, and then hung out with friends all day. I should have eaten better and had more water to drink. But that doesn't matter today. Today I fed my spirit. And it's definitely not on a diet.

To my regular reader - Part 2

220?

Why Mr. Scale, you shouldn't have?

Actually you should. And you know it. But we already had that conversation yesterday didn't we?

You've earned another day, safe, on the floor.

Keep it up.

To my regular reader:

Apparently I have one regular reader.

MY SCALE!

I guess it didn't like me talking about it last night. I guess it thought it was funny. I guess it thought it would show me who's who.

Today - 225.

I haven't been that high since October 18th - almost a month ago. But today - it taunts me.

Well I have news for you Mr. Scale. You may have the power of the numbers, but I have the power of the garbage truck. Want to see how those digits love the compressor at the dump? Just keep it up. The real estate you have on my bathroom floor is on a day-to-day lease that can be revoked at any time. You don't even give me decimals. You can easily be replaced by a newer, prettier and more agreeable machine. Mess with me - I mess with you. Keep mama happy and your spot is secured.

You've been warned.

My tug of war

It's been a week now. Even a few days more than that. And nothing. Nothing. It shouldn't bother me but... it does. And I don't know how much longer I can take it.

I haven't lost a pound.

Well, that may not be true based on the day of the week. Let's just say my body is apparently losing in it's tug of war over 2 pounds. Lose 2. Gain one. Lose one. Gain two. Lose two. Gain One. Lose one. Gain two.

I'm going a bit batty. So, I looked at what I've been eating. I knew my sodium was too high. Every day I made at least one sodium error but I tried to balance it out with lots and lots of water. Apparently that wasn't quite enough.

So, today I bought fruit before work (though I was so busy at work I didn't eat any - but I've sworn I will tomorrow) and I got fresh veggies and more fruit on the way home. We made a stir fry tonight with left over chicken and fresh veggies and brown rice and doesn't that sound good? When I ate it, all I could taste was the sodium. The left over marinade from the chicken apparently cooked down enough that it just tasted really salty. Sigh...

I'm not going to stop eating "healthy" just because I'm not seeing results. I'm just going to try to eat better and better and bring in more activity. I can't be at a plateau on week 3. It just doesn't work like that. Or does it?

I might just have to cave in and buy a new scale. The Evil Scale is looking more and more menacing each day. And yet I get on. Not quite believing - but hoping.

Just another day - in a good way

Ok, so I missed a day. I tried. I did. But it was not meant to be.

But, in the spirit of my new lifestyle/diet, I will continue on as one day's error does not a ruined diet/lifestyle make. Or something like that.

I worked at home today (WOO HOO!) which was lovely. No wasted gas. No AC even on most of the day. Used only sunlight to light my way. Just my two computers chugging along. Yea, 2 computers. Not the best ecological decision, but unfortunately a requirement for now. I'd like to think that in the end I came out ahead on the ecological points game.

Staying home is also great for food choices. I was hesitant that I'd give in the the bags of Doritos or the Nutter Butters in the pantry. But no. Didn't grab a snack all day. At work when I'm looking for an escape or have free time, I end up thinking about food. At home I pet the cat, go put away some dishes or get something ready for dinner. There are SO many other options available that food is automatically demoted in the "think about it" list.

Thinking smart and making good choices. That's what it's all about.

Under the wire, over the limit

Why is healthy so hard? Restaurant I went to today had no real healthy options. Sure, side salad w/ no dressing and you'll be ok. Beyond that? Nada. Major city, and located downtown. And this isn't some burger joint. We're talking lobster bisque, custom pizzas and steaks. But not one blessed simple non-high-calorie meal. They had a whole low carb section - but for a low calorie gal the bacon and cheese etc in each of those sort of took off the shine there.

One blessed chicken breast/broccoli and rice kind of dish. That's all I want. Maybe a salad with low fat dressing and grilled instead of fried chicken to top it? Something? So, I had to eat something bad for me. I picked one of the better of the options - but I won't let that happen again. I could feel the extra calories meeting their friends and holding on tight.

Sigh...how's a girl supposed to eat independently, locally and healthy while maintaining a busy life?

Death by embarrasment

I think I may have mortally embarrassed The Girlfriend today.

We went to dinner, and while I chose one of the best places in the area - I knew that evil calories and sodium lurked behind every innocent chicken breast and lettuce leaf. So I did what any responsible dieter would do. I asked to see the restaurant's nutritional information guide.

It was almost a fatal blow. She tried to convince me it wasn't necessary. She did the hand over the eyes "you can't see me" move to the waiter. It wasn't pretty.

A few moments later when our server returned with a 3 inch binder filled with nutritional information he cautioned, "It's not good. You won't like anything you see here. You might not even want to look before you order." Kinda ruins the whole thing then, doesn't it?

So, turns out I'd picked the best item on the menu before I even got the nutritional info. After the pat on my back - I was overwhelmed by the sodium content. Over 2K mg's for chicken tacos?? Are these things brined before they're cooked? I don't get it. It's insane. 5 gigantic glasses of water later (ok, 3) I was hoping I'd helped to even the score, yet privately knew it wasn't true. I still needed to make up for the half of a smoked turkey leg from the State Fair last night. Not pretty. But darn tasty - and better than the Fry Bread taco I really really wanted. Much better.

3 days in a row huh? I think I'm impressed with myself. And not just for the blogging.

Nice...

Dia de los Challenge!

Yesterday, I accepted a challenge to write an entry every day. It wasn't even my challenge, and I took it anyway.

Yesterday there was also a posting in a group I'm a part of on TDP that issued a challenge. A much more important challenge. I thought about it ALL day. As of today, I've officially accepted. The goal is to be UNDER 200 lbs by the end of the year.

This is going to be freakishly hard. 20 lbs in 2 months may not seem like an outrageous amount to some folks but I honestly can not remember the last time I was under 200. I am pretty sure it happened when I lived in my apartment - but as that was 7 years of time, it doesn't exactly narrow things down TOO much. Some time between 23 and 30 - but I know it wasn't near the latter end. I'd guess 25ish. But I'm just not sure at all.

No matter how hard it seems though - I am amazed at the idea that I could be celebrating the new year at under 200! I tried to get The Girlfriend to get pumped about it. But Law and Order was on so I was just some pest interrupting her TV QT. She eventually said something like "I'm already trying to do that. So, sure, whatever you have to do." So...yea... she's pumped.

As a side note - what's up w/ me accepting challenges? That is SO not who I used to be!

Oh - and for those of you playing along at home - yes, I've lost some more weight. I'm at 220. The heavens didn't open or anything, in fact I've been popping back and forth a bit around there the last week. But I think it's here to stay now.

Now I just need for it to go - with 20 more of it's friends. :)

Accepting the challenge I didn't get

As I was saying to myself, Self, you haven't posted lately. Have you been so driven by the counting of calories that you've forgotten your old friend the blog? And I answered back, No Self, not really. I just haven't been particularly inspired. And is it better to blog about nothing, or to wait until you have something of value to say?

Well, later that day I saw that my friend (who blogs quite a bit) had just accepted a challenge to blog every day this month. He felt he was setting himself up for failure. Somehow, the idea of it inspired me. Hey - maybe I have something to talk about after all?

So - I'm going to try it. Can I make it every day for 30 days? Should be fun to find out.

10 down, so so many to go...

As of today I am 10 pounds less than my last "normal" weight. I am outrageously excited. I feel like I've lost 30 in terms of my motivation.

I decided to take this moment of double digit-ness to look back at some of my posts since summer. Boy I really fell off the boat. But I knew it at the time, which helps a bit. But I'm so not there anymore. Here's my current State of Me.

- Down 10 lbs. Did I already mention that? Of course I did. But it's worth mentioning again. All through eating healthy foods and upping my activity level. Who would have thought it?

- I admited to failure in keeping up the yard. I got quotes from about 5 different companies and picked a guy. It looks so much better now. I need to replace the 4 dead trees in the back, and I think I have The Girlfriend convinced to make at least 2 of them fruit producing trees. I'm quite excited about that! Think I'll wait until after the winter to get them as it was winter that killed the last ones. Maybe use a little tax rebate $ for it.

- While I still feel like I've lost control of a part of the house, The Girlfriend and I have talked and I found out she agrees with me and was similarly frustrated. WOW does that help! As we're pretty much cooking for ourselves these days, one of those issues has been resolved. As for the others, I'm going to have to take baby steps. I organized the spice cabinet a bit this weekend, which helped. I'm thinking I'll attack the pantry shortly which always makes me feel a bit more kitchen controled. Yes, I have some itty bitty baby control issues. But really - who doesn't need to feel in control of their own house? Some scream, some clean - I organize.

- I took my first Pilates class last week. Oh my. I was in SO much pain for days after. This week I'll miss it because of a church meeting, but I'm planning to do it on a regular basis.

- I went to the Farmers Market last weekend and bought 3 veggies I've never bought before (though I've eaten them) Italian zucchini, Eggplant, and Spagetti Squash. I'm looking forward to finding good recipes, making them, and to slowly opening The Girlfriend's palatte toward vegetables!

I have a new attitude on healthy. And I know that to reach my all-inclusive goals, there are certain times were I have to focus on just one to really be effective. Not that I'll ever lose sight of my more global goals, but right now I can't effectively improve in 100 different ways all at once. Picking your battles, you know? And for now, I've selected the Battle of the Bulge.

Current weight (Based on evil home scale): 222

First goal: 198 - I'll be SO dang excited to be clearly under 200!

Second goal: 180 - This will be such a major improvment. At this point I really want to celebrate where I've been and how much I will have accomplished. Losing 50 pounds is HUGE and something that before didn't even seem real. Now, I can almost taste it.

Third goal: 160 - This is my major goal. At this point I should be about a size 16-18 I think and I'll be able to celebrate a whole new set of stores to buy clothing! I was still getting quite a bit of attention at this weight level (when the weight was going up) if my memory serves correctly, so I know I'll be able to really feel confident here.

Super ultimate, not sure if I can actually do it but if I could wave a magic wand and get it my goal would be: 135 - I thought I was so fat at this weight. Now, it's my pipe dream.

One step at a time, 1 meal at a time, I'll make my goals.

My "Daily Plate" of online addiction

I've found a new website obsession. It's been 2 days of web-bliss.

So - as you know I've been all about being healthy with a renewed passion recently. (Yea, I know, I know, it was about dang time) I didn't want to go on a diet though. I kept thinking about it. Was tempted by Weight Watcher's Point system online - but I held back. First of all - why should I have to pay them each month for a concept they are really only giving me once. Next, why should I pay that much for the idea of "eat healthy, watch portion control" which is really what it is. I decided I was going to do it alone. I cut back. I ate better. I saw some results.

Then - the headaches started. Bad, bad headaches. For no good reason. The Girlfriend suggests it could be because of my eating. Turns out one of the symptoms of a too-low calorie diet is headaches. Hmph. So I'm starting to think that maybe there is some trick for this thing. Maybe I do need to pay for professional help.

And then, like a heavenly bolt of lightening, I find The Daily Plate while looking for the calorie content of a grilled chicken breast. I forget all about the chicken breast and I'm taken over by The Daily Plate.

This amazing site has a free service where you can create a profile based on age, height, weight, natural activity level - and then it will tell you how many calories you should be eating. As if that wasn't enough - look up the foods on their site and just click "I ate this" for it to be added to your daily total. It tells you through the day how many calories you "have left" before you've reached your goal.

All that sounds good - but wait - there's more! There is a daily diary to talk about how you felt each day so you can remember what was working - and what wasn't. It also tracks your activity to show how many calories were burned through your day. And why? Because if you are using more fuel, you'll need to re-fuel faster. It also tracks your weight, your measurements and a bunch of other things for your easy access from any computer!

Sound intriguing? Don't get out that check book just yet! They also have a forum section where folks can talk about what they are doing, what has or hasn't worked, interact with other users, and just generally find common ground. There are also groups set up around the site so you can quickly join a group with similar backgrounds or issues. Prior eating disorder? A group to feel your pain. Over 100 lbs to lose? Meet folks who are on the same path - and others who've done it. Doing Atkins? They've got your bread alternative!

How much would you pay for that? Let me tell you. NOTHING! Yes, that's right - Nothing! This is a completely free web site! Sure, sure - they have another option to pay just $45/year to unlock yet additional features. So far, I'm thinking the freebie is all I need. Maybe in a few months I'll need to up my motivation. But when I do - it will cost less for a whole year of this than for 4 months of online Weight Watchers!

Ok, that's all for now. I have to go reply to a forum that's calling my name. Homemade Pumpkin Lattes at just 65 calories? Yum!

Battle won, then lost, then won, then...?

The Lying Scale has woven a new web of pretty lies. So pretty, I almost fell for it. Friday morning 227. Sunday morning 226. I'd never seen a more beautiful number. The whole day I walked with an extra umph in my step. I let the deep fried BBQ chicken wings be made around me with out wanting "just one". I was calm and sure of myself.

Until Monday morning.

Monday morning I shouldn't have gotten on the scale. I know that, but well... I was there and it was there and it kinda just happened. So ya know what The Lying Scale tells me? 227. I'm shocked. I'm befuddled. I think - this can't be right. I did everything right yesterday. I step away for a moment. I think maybe it's toying with me. I decide to give it one more try.

228.

WHAT???? I'm overwhelmed by a sense of betrayal. It's LYING! I KNOW it's lying! I feel it lying to me - staring snarkily from the floor. But it hurts too much to look back. I know that i need to move on with my day. So, the rest of the morning goes as planned. Little shower. Little morning news/funny weather man time. No surprises. But as I'm going back in to get dressed, I see it staring at me from around the corner. It's trying to stare me down. Well, I'm not one to be intimidated by The Lying Scale - at least not without a fight. I approach. I mount.

226.

ACK!!!!! Which is right? Which is wrong? My hair is still a bit wet so how can I weigh less? I haven't used the restroom again or even blown my nose! How is that possible????!!!!????!!!

The Lying Scale - 1, Kristin - 0

Well played, my friend... well played.

And the light went on

I had a radical thought the other day when it came to weight loss. Maybe not radical for some, but it was like a light went off for me.

This isn't how I have to be forever.

Ok, that may not seem like much, but it was how it all began. So I've been eating healthy, tried to do more physical things including going to the gym. And for a few minutes it all felt so futile. There was this feeling that it was never going to end. Salad. Chicken. Fish. Reading labels. But then it hit me. I don't have to do this forever. Now, I don't mean being overweight as ya might think. It was all about the realization that YES, this sucks. And NO it is not fun. BUT - Dieting doesn't last forever.

Sure, we want to be healthy, we want to maintain. But it's a whole different thing to maintain where you are than to try to make your body work in reverse - burning up more than you're giving it each day. Maintaining means I need to maintain a level of good food and activity - but if I feel like not going to the gym for a month, it won't kill me. And if I feel like some chocolate pudding now and then, cool. As long as all these things are done understanding their potential for cumulative damage - thus done carefully, then no biggie. Somehow that's completely changed my attitude. Yes, eating this good all the time is no fun. But it won't last forever.

One of the hardest things for me so far have been times where I pretty much HAD to eat badly. Pizza place w/ 3 friends all wanting to share one? Fine, I had pizza. 15 minutes to get to church meeting after work - ok, I'll get drive though, but it will be the healthiest (least good tasting) thing on their menu. And I know at some point in the next few weeks because a friend is in town, we'll be hitting Lo Lo's Chicken and Waffles. Oh my, I love that place. The old me would have loved these opportunities to cheat. It would have been fun to have that excuse. The new me is just realizing that for every bad choice I make, there will be 2-3 more good choices I'll have to make to make up for it. Thus - I'll have to be doing this longer. And I don't want to be doing this forever. But - I'm willing to do what I need to do for now.

And I think, for now, I've decided to trust The Lying Scale. Because as of yesterday morning it was 228. It is all going to fall off next week? Dear heavens no. But I'm working on it. And this weekend, because part of me doesn't trust The Lying Scale, I think I'm going to do some measurements. Those suck. Because I remember what they used to be long, long ago. They won't be that good again, I understand that - but I'm going to get a hell of a lot closer than I am today!

That's right, Mama wants to buy American!

And I'm not talking about American Cheese either! (That's just my diet talking...)

I can't remember the last time I was this excited about an American Car. Well, unfortunately I can. I was really excited about the Dodge Neon, I bought one the first year it came out when no other car looked quite like it. Back when it was in the same price range as a Honda Civic but I really really really wanted to buy American so I got the Neon. While I loved the heck out of that thing, I didn't like that the price dropped 10K the next year, the nicer options were dropped and my nice car became the cheapo rental car. Ok, so obviously I still have a little grudge. I've learned the lesson to never buy a product it's first year out. And I've gotten a bit of a chip towards the American Car market.

But ALL of that could come to a crashing halt if GM actually brings their Volt to the market in the next few years!!! I may have to dump the change from my "Pennies for Prius" jar into a "Mama wants a Volt" jar.

Speaking it's praises for just a moment. This is NOT just an electric car, but it's not a hybrid either. It's better than both worlds. The engine completely runs via the electric motor AND the electric motor is powered by either electricity, gas, E85 or biodiesel. How cool is that? At first you may say, but isn't that a hybrid? But no. Ya see, from it's initial charge it can go 40 miles without needing to use any other source to draw in energy. So, say you live 15 miles from work so you have a 30 mile commute each day. And maybe you pick up the kids and grab some groceries on the way home. How much gas did you use? None. Yea, that's right, mister. None.

Plug it in when you get home and by the time the baby sitter gets there that night you and your special someone can make it a night on the town in the same car. Say you go 50 miles that night painting the town red? You've used a couple ounces of liquid energy to go a total of 90 miles that day. How much gas would that be even in a Prius? Now you see the genius of my baby the Volt.

Well, I know it's not coming out any time soon. And I know when it does the fact that it's sporty and can go 100 miles an hour will mean that it will be WAY above my price range but still... If they can make this technology work - how long before it's picked up to use in other cars? How a bout in a minivan - even if the "free" miles drop down to 20-30 because of the extra weight? That could work when taking the kids to school 3 blocks away and the soccer game down the street.

Yes GM. You got me. My ears are perked. I can't wait to see more. BUT - if you don't come to market with this puppy, I don't know if my faithful Buy American spirit will ever be the same again.

Ok, it will. But please, PLEASE bring this baby to market. Mama wants a Volt.

Overcoming IHOP

This morning, The Girlfriend and Aunt P. wanted IHOP. Dang them. Luckily I had just given The Girlfriend the big "dang it we are GOING to be healthy" speech last night and she'd agreed to it all. So, I was able to talk them out of it - until we found there was no milk for cereal. Dang it. So I dragged myself down to the neighborhood store.

I got their lousy 2% and made myself feel special with some organic skim milk.

Her 2% went over Pops. My organic skim went over low calorie and high fiber organic granola with raisins.

She filled up a serving bowl. I measured out exactly one cup into a small bowl.

Well, she may not eat quite as healthy as I'm going to try to do, but it can't stop me. And besides, her job is more physical so she's burning way more calories than my tiny cubicle will allow me to burn.

I've been so freaking healthy today. I'm eating grapes right now when I really wanted the chocolate chunk cookies sitting on the counter. 1 day down. 7-8 years or so to go...

Baby Steps?

On Wednesday I went to the gym. The Girlfriend went too, but I was the one who packed my gym bag the night before, told her I was doing it and then even reminded her the next day. Is this a small step? Heck yea. But one I'm proud of. I knew I wouldn't be able to go the next day as I had a church meeting, but it was nice to go. As for tonight - not sure we'll hit the gym - but what I'd like to do is to go/do something active. Walk around the pond at the local park. Go dancing. Bringing some active into lifestyle - not just at the gym. And this weekend my activity goal is to buy a pump for our bike tires. I don't think I'll be able to afford to get a new bike any time soon, but I'm going to make a try at riding the one I have.

All that sounds good, right? Now here's the weird part.

Wednesday morning I hit the scale for some reason. Again, it said 230. Again, I thought it was lying. I move about my day... la la la...feeling good, doing good. Thursday morning for some reason I hit the scale again - pretty rare for me to do it 2 days in a row. 229. Whaaaaaa??? Ok, I didn't believe it at 230, so why is it that part of me wants to believe the 229 hype? I haven't seen a 20-something in awhile so while it's still ridiculously huge, it's a gigantic step IF it's true.

Since yesterday involved no gym and a few bad meals, I didn't try the scale again. I'm going to try to have a good weekend and see how it all looks. If I'm still in the 20's I could be a very happy girl. If not - death to the scale. Ok, not really. But I'll be thinking about it.

If you can't say something nice...

You know that saying, right? If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? I think all that good upbringing has had a serious impact on my blogging. I just don't have anything nice to say.

Healthy Home? Not quite. We still haven't replaced all the light bulbs - even though the new good ones were purchased months ago. We keep saying we should. But we don't. Oh yea, and all those awesome Method products I bought have been replaced by Windex, 409 and whatever else is available at the dollar store. Cheaper yes, but I'm willing to pay more for security.

Healthy Body? Haven't been to the gym in about 2 months. I've totally gone back to fast food - though only for breakfast regularly. Last week I had terrific back pain that came in spasms and lasted for about 5 days. I still have no health insurance so it was just me, ibuprofen and a vibrating back massager to try to make it go away.

Healthier environment? The carrot was pulled away immediately after it was given. Now it's a "Maybe 1 day a week or so - but only on permission" kind of a thing. So far I've gotten that permission once. I think that was when I stopped having anything nice to say.

So where am I now? Kinda pissed. Kinda lost. I decided I needed to start with little things.

First thing I did was sign up for cake decorating classes. I know, I know - not healthy. But it makes me happy. And I can use a little happy. It's also 4 weeks of Saturdays where we have to get out of the house by 9am. I'm hoping that can help out on some weekend time management.

I AM going back to the gym. We've been focusing on the house too much for my tastes. Yes, it's nice and clean now, but I have to make me the priority again. I'm going to put the gym bag in the car tomorrow.

I need to buy some skim milk for work and keep cereal and a bowl there. I have just gotten so sick of the oatmeal I could hardly eat it - I need something new for awhile.

What else? No idea. Making this up as I go along. So, I'm sorry I didn't have too many nice things to say, but I promise I'm working to change it.

The carrot is mine!

Well, sort of.

Today is my first day of working at home. While I know that I'm expected to use today to "get some of the bugs out" I have to say I'm shocked how many bugs there are. Email auto forwarding. VOIP Phone disconnecting and reconnecting every 20 minutes. I have hope. We'll see how it all works. Hopefully the carrot won't be yanked away due to technical issues. Oh well, it's only been 11 months...

That said, the last week has been a bit of a paper whirlwind. I decided to take advantage of working from home to re-do my office. New desk. New organizer thingies. And a going through ALL the paperwork I have ever had in the office. Wow. I must have filled a standard kitchen sized trash container (which we use for recycle stuff) at least 3 times - most likely 4. Biggest offenders were junk mail (which I've officially opted out on) and envelopes. Before I kept the whole thing - now I'm keeping just the "meat" of the issue. Certainly helped to save space. But MAN was that recycle container full!

So, just because I'm keeping mental track...
Working from home - check.
Reducing my waste/recycling what I have - check.

Not a bad week all in all. The plan is to start hitting the gym next week. If we can do that I'll feel totally back on track!

Continuing adventures of: The saving gas carrot

This afternoon I get word that while I'll be getting the equipment to be ABLE to work from home this week, I won't be SET UP to work from home this week. New ETA on that? Not sure but soon he promises. Soon.

Well played Mr. Carrot.... Well played.

Apparently Phx has some of the cheapest gas in the country right now, which both surprises me and makes me sad for the rest of them. But to me, it's not just the $ I'll save in gas. It's the combo of $ saved in Gas, Starbucks, Fast Food, lunches, and other "stop on the way home" spots in combination with the Health benefits of not wasting the gas, not being overly tempted by the bad food on the way in to work, not thinking I'll just grab dinner on the way home because I'm tired, not spending more $ on food when I have a fridge full of the stuff at home. This is why this carrot is so particularly large for me. It really touches on all I want to do to be living more healthy on a daily basis.

Now - will I actually be given the equipment... Hmmm... stay tuned...

Dangling ideas

They made a fuel cell car go over 200 mph. I should be excited I know. Part of me is happy. But most likely when one of these suckers does come on the market I won't be able to afford it anyhow, much like the current Prius of my dreams. And then it's just dangling out there.

Speaking of dangling...

I was told I'll get all the stuff for working from home this Thursday and I'll set it all up at home on Friday. Again, I see the string attached to this carrot so I'm not holding my breath - but MAN I sure am looking forward to it!

And just to tie up any loose ends - the scale lied. I must have had a sleepy hand on the counter or something. In good news, I've been having some good chats with The Girlfriend and I think I have her convinced to start being healthy in our "home eating" shortly. Fingers crossed...

Too fat for advice?

After looking at several different web resources, trying to look at options for "diets" and general health plans, I stumbled upon an article that mentioned the United States Department of Agriculture had changed the whole Food Pyramid thing into something that could be personalized for you. It's called MyPyramid. So, I go there. Here's what it says

"MyPyramid Plan offers you a personal eating plan with the foods and amounts that are right for you. Click on the MyPyramid Plan box to get started." (color emphasis mine)

Figure I'd give it a shot.

So I enter all my information even the optional stuff -

Age
Sex
Weight (Optional)
Height (Optional)
Physical activity level (3 options under 30, 30-60 or over 60 min a day)

And this is what I get back. (Click to be able to read clearly)

We're sorry. We can't tell you what you should be eating. Because you are too fat. And then the greatest insult - Would you like to see what a NORMAL person of your age, sex and height should be eating???

Seriously - I want to hurt someone. Some naturally skinny person who wrote this because they don't think fat folks would care about their health enough to know what they should be eating.

GRRRRR!

I think I have a new level of hatred for Mr Food Pyramid.

The impossible 2

How much blog-space has been filled by girls chatting about that special visit from Aunt Flo? Too much I'm sure. That said....

So today I was feeling a bit like a pain filled balloon about to burst when one of those negative thoughts passed my brain. "Wonder how much fatter you are now with all this 'stuff' in here?" And since I was, conveniently, walking past the scale, I gave in. How much fatter would I be?

230???? Is it broken??? How could I weigh 2 pounds less right now than I did a few weeks ago? I've been eating fast food. I know I haven't been drinking enough water. I haven't gone to the gym. The night before for dinner I had a Quesadilla - and then a small bowl of ice cream for dessert. How did I lose 2lbs. ???

Well, I knew that I needed to get things back in line. I've already been starting to get things "in order" at my house via organizing kitchen cabinets and such. This always happens before I start eating well. Healthy nesting instinct. I think I should take this as motivation. If I can somehow magically lose 2lbs when practicing bad habits, maybe some of their friends will go join them when I start back on some of the good habits? It's a nice idea. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Tea for two... or three reasons

I love drinks. All kinds. Generally I lean more toward the non-alchoholic type. Tea, soda, chocolate milk, punch, juice, coffee, fizz, milkshakes (they kinda count, right?) - if you can put in a straw, I'm a happy girl. I especially enjoy those things that cross genres. Tea w/ fruit juice. Fruity italian sodas. Chai Latte (Milk + Tea).

While I enjoy these things, I was realizing that I was buying quite a few of these single serving items in glass containers. Not tons of course, but at least several each month. I started doing my mental eco-math and realized that something needed to stop or at least slow down.

I pulled out my often "just used for parties" iced tea maker. I love this so much, I'm shocked I don't use it more. I'm starting to play with different combinations of tea - something that (shockingly) I'd never really thought about doing before. My current fav combo is 1 family sized Luzianne Tea bag and 1 mint tea bag. Yummy minty tea!!! Perfect for summer and I'm never even encouraged to pull out the sweetener. Mind you - I LOVE good sweet tea. But I'm hoping that not only can I save a few bottles by making it en masse, but I'll also save a few calories.

Less waste. Less calories. Less money. Totally healthy.

When time flies, healthy flies

Time is flying recently! Positively flying!

Big parties and planning and folks coming in from out of town and food and cooking and baking and going out to eat/drink/socialize day after day after day. Not that I'm really complaining but OH my goodness time sure does go quickly when you're busy.

Unfortunately, this has brought with it convenience food - as we're always on the go, or the kind of special "bad" foods that are only made when folks are in town or for special parties. And of course there has been no time to go to the gym, yet that $50 leaves my check account month after month. And then many of the friends/family don't understand how we recycle so it's a matter of trying to casually pick out those cans and bottles out of the trash, dump and rinse them and put them into the recycle - without being called "The Recycle Nazi" too many times through the night.

So while absolutely wonderful, the last month hasn't exactly been "healthy". That said, my number on the scale has not changed. So apparently I haven't gone too overboard. That said, I've been saying how important it is that we make some clear changes shortly. The Girlfriend wants those changes in organizing the house. I'd have a messy house if it meant I was spending more time cooking healthy foods and going to the gym - but I know we need to find a happy medium between the two to keep a happy and "healthy" house.

Micro-eco steps

Lately I'm obsessing over little things.

Example One: Which is better - a small paper towel, a paper plate, or wasting water to wash a dish when in a drought. Answer - I go dish, unless I'm feeling unbelievably lazy - which happens. Then paper towel.

Example Two: Is it ecologically better to drive to the music store to purchase a new CD or to download the album - when I know I'll end up burning it to a CD anyhow. I mean, the energy to Internet search and burn + disc (and possibly trashed disc if first one doesn't work perfectly as happens sometimes) + Jewel case I'll end up using + paper I'll end up writing names of songs on or using the gas to buy something that already exists? Answer. I buy the cd. From a local independently owned music store like Stinkweeds. I feel like that somehow balances things. Though considering the nearest one to me is 20 min away, I'm not sure it's quite an even trade.

Example Three: I start debating about which way to drive to work in the morning. Fairly straight path on regular surface roads (lots of lights) that gets me here in about 25-30 min, 45MPH with exception of 4 school zones that take it to 15. OR do I take the freeway which is actually a farther in miles driven, takes 20-25 min on a good day, 30-35 on a bad day - but is almost completely non-stop so I'm theoretically using less gas. But then you have to factor in that you use more gas going faster. Answer - I take the streets. But I wrestle with this one often. [And yes - I know it would be better to take the bus, and I would LOVE to do it, but that just doesn't work well in my city. Not would I have to walk more than a mile each way to and from the stops, but also it would take an hour an a half of just driving time. So, that plus 20 min of walking on each side would make for an approximate 2 hour and 15 minute commute. And no one wants to be walking 40 minutes in Phoenix heat before walking into a professional office. Just doesn't work.]

Yes - these are helplessly small things. But if I put a nickel a day in a piggy bank from the time I was 5 until now it would be almost $550. Is that huge? No. But it adds up. And it wouldn't have hurt much to give it either. Just like these little things I do, or try to do. They may be small decisions, but if each one of those were an ecological "nickel", and I found 10 of those tiny things to do, then 25 years from now I will have added almost $2300 to the ecological economy. Not too bad.... not bad at all.

Besides, wouldn't you rather be paying INTO it, than to get that as a bill in a few years?

Product or packaging?

Petco offers bulk kitty litter. It's your standard clumpable clay based litter. And so - I realized I was in a bit of an ecological quandary. Continue to buy the wheat based litter that is better for the environment - but requires a new box every month OR buy the litter that isn't so good for the environment - but requires absolutely no waste of packaging.

This is kind of a tough one.

I think I'm going to stick with the wheat for now. We're still in that slow transition period with the kitty. I have quite the picky kitty and these things take time. We're not quite at a 50/50 mix - but like 35% wheat/65% clay. But if she decides wheat isn't good enough for her waste - I at least feel better knowing that a low waste (no packaging) option is available.

Praying for rain

As I type this it is pouring outside. While a rarity in Phoenix - this is our Monsoon season so it's not quite so strange. But it brought me back to a conversation I had this weekend.

While driving from Phx to Las Vegas we drove over the Hoover Dam. Comments were made by several about the colors of the rock. We commented as to how much the water had gone down vs the prior water level. There were a few comments that it was due to our recent drought. A comment was then made by an elderly woman (girlfriend's grandma) that all we needed to do to change that was to pray for rain. Someone said that folks pray for rain all the time. The woman said that apparently they weren't all praying hard enough because if we all really prayed about it the Lord would deliver it.

My immediate response was that it also says in the bible that we are to be good stewards of the land, plants and animals and that if we were doing a good job there, we wouldn't have an issue of global warming and thus we wouldn't have an issue of this level of drought. She agreed with me. Said that sounded about right to her. I was shocked. See, this is a woman with very strong beliefs. Getting her to say that someone else was right after she'd made her own opinion is no small achievement. Not like I was going for a gold start or anything - but it kinda felt like I'd gotten one.

This brings up two points to me.

First - I'm tired of someone thinking if they pray for something they will get it. One of my favorite Sunday school lessons in 5th grade (Shout out to Mrs. Caradine if you are still around!) had to do with God answering a prayer. She explained that God always answers prayers - but it may not always be the answer you wanted. She said that in general there are 3 possible responses. Yes. No. Or, Not right now. That immediately struck me. All those folks who complained that God wasn't listening - when really they just didn't like his answer. It totally clicked to me. Talk about a healthy way of looking at the world. Well, at least it works for me.

Second - Why aren't more churches saying the same thing? I know it's a new trend that some churches are jumping on the environmental band wagon, but I remember making the logical jump back when I first heard of Earth Day in High School. Now days, with Global Warming being discussed in commercials, tv shows, and part of many dinner conversations - why isn't the church united behind that? Let me tell ya - they might get a bunch more miles than gay marriage. It's certainly relatable. In fact, I'd say it's one of the most important "laws" out there. It might not be in the top 10 list or anything (not that we bother to pay attention to many of those now days) but it was one of the first things Adam and Eve were told to do. Believe he really told it to them. Believe it was a symbol of the beginning of the world. Whatever. Either way - that was their whole job. Do you really think our jobs have changed?

I don't. Let's keep it clean. It's what the big guy wanted.

Contemplating small steps

I've been really awful in my "healthy body" habits for the last few weeks. Not to the point I've forgotten what my goals are, but easily to the point that I'd go 2-3 days without a really healthy meal. But here's the thing. I weighed myself this morning. No change. Mind you - I'm happy to see it, but it was a bit of a surprise.

What if 2 meals a day were healthier? And then I added in some activity 3-4 times a week? If eating bad and watching TV have had no change in weight, what would just a small amount of change consistently bring? Isn't that my ecological goal too? Consistent small steps forward?

So today I went into a bike shop. I looked at the pretty bikes and the sporty bikes. I dreamed of filling baskets with picnic goodies. Of the wind whipping through my hair. I dreamed of being healthy enough to able to ride it fast enough for long enough the wind would actually whip through my hair... I have a cheap bike that I stopped riding because it wasn't comfortable. Would I ride one if it was actually comfortable? Am I willing to pay $300-400 to find out? I'm seriously thinking about it. Or maybe, in the spirit of small steps, I should start with filling the tires of my current bike. It's a thought.

Healthy Kitty, Healthy world

That part of my brain that justifies bad decisions has just come up with a good "reason" why eating fast food isn't such a bad thing. Ready for this? Paper bags.

Funny huh? I know, I know - why would a recycler like myself like getting paper bags. I can answer that it 2 words - Kitty Poop. Yes, Kitty Poop.

You see, I recently learned about how general scoopable cat litter was bad. Bad, bad bad actually. Where to begin.
- Most have dust containing an agent that causes cancer. And when that dust on our kitties feet gets put on our sofas, pillows and hands guess who breathes it all in? The one who bought the kitty liter and all their friends and family. Nice.
- The clay that makes it "clump" was strip-mined from the ground. Yes I said strip-mined. To the tune of 2 million tons a year. Have your attention yet?
- Once the clay has been processed - it's not bio degradable. Can't be flushed. So tons and tons of kitty poop are sitting in landfills.
- Most folks use plastic bags (as they are in such abundance) to throw away their kitty poop.

So, we've got stinky cancer causing chemicals in a non-bio degradable format in a non-bio degradable bag. Oh how non-green it is!!!

I'm currently working to transfer my lovely and picky kitty over to Swheat Scoop Wheat Litter. Thought about doing the pine, but I know our kitty would hate the smell. Swheat scoop is bio degradable. But how to dispose of it..... Supposedly if you're willing to wait 20 minutes for it to dissolve a bit first, you can flush it down the toilet. Not a horrible idea, but I'm not willing to waste 12-15 gallons of water per Kitty cleaning flush every day when my city is in a drought. We often put the poop in plastic bags still around the house. (Who thinks shoe shopping = plastic bags? One day I'll learn...) But of course then it's not bio-degradable.

And now we are full circle. Fast food bags. Small. Free (with purchase). Completely bio-degradable. If my whole household goes even 3 times a week (that would be once a week for each of us) we'd have enough bags. And while I'd like to dramatically reduce my numbers there, I think there are other folks in the house who would more than make up for me. So, thanks to McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Popeye's, Jack in the Box, Sonic, Burger King and many others not listed here - I'll be able to dramatically reduce our Kitty Poop ecological footprint. I'm not sure our Kitty cares, but I'm quite excited.

Time for a gameplan

I am in search of a plan.

I think the theory of do "better generally speaking" just isn't working for me. I want it to but I just can't commit to myself the way I should. Someone else - sure. Me? Heck no. I've gotten a bit better but we still haven't made it to the gym. I really thought we would the other night but then I got this bizarre pinched nerve from by wrist, up my arm and down my back. Not pretty at all. Couldn't deal with that and be on the treadmill. Sounds like an excuse - but it was really awful. Mind you - I most likely only have these bizarre pains because I'm too fat in the first place. Ok - that was a true but negative thought. I need to make myself think more positively. Funny (not funny "ha ha") how hard that can be!!!

So, I think I need to pick a "diet" to follow. Notice those quotes? Yea -it's like a bad word. Right now I'm leaning towards weight watchers because it seems like more of a healthy lifestyle change than some of the others. I have done Atkins in the past but could never stay on it longer than a few months. A friend of mine is doing South Beach which has some of the good aspects I liked about Atkins but you can have SO many more veggies which I think would be great. (Man I miss eating good veggies!) Then there is one out there about reprogramming your body that looks interesting (can't think of the name now) and one that I've only heard about but don't know the official name. I do know that when I read about the science behind that one, my interest was piqued. Something about the density of foods? Water content? I'll update when I learn more if it looks interesting. Heck, they all look interesting. Great marketing. But to find one that I think will both work for me AND will be one Kandy would be able to support (even if she wasn't 100% faithful) is going to require a bit more research.

Series of unhealthy events

The last few weeks have been anything but healthy. More like a series of misfortunate events.

- While our July 4th party was a blast, I was really saddened at all the plates/forks/napkins in the trash. Worse yet, my house has decided to not give them up. I pull out real plates and forks but they tell me to put them away because we're using plastic forks and paper plates. For almost every meal. I've lost control of my waste.

- We haven't been to the gym in at least 2 weeks. If I'm being honest, I think we might have gone once or twice in the last 8 weeks. We keep talking about how important it is. But then she's had a long day or I've had a long day or we have plans we can work around. I'd say we will get better but talk has done nothing before. I feel out of control.

- I've lost control of my food choices. Sure, I still buy the food, but as I'm more than ever the last person home I rarely have any input in their preparation. Last night was a great example. I had a great bag of frozen organic summer vegetables. Squash, Zucchini, green beans, red pepper, carrots. Well, by the time I got home and was told that dinner was ready, I found the package open but what was on my plate was anything but healthy. Soaked in butter and extra salt and over cooked to the point that by texture alone one could not tell if you were eating a piece of squash, a carrot, or a green bean - and all individual taste was lost. Unfortunately, this means the other two folks in my house were happy with how it all came out. How do you say to a respected elder family member "Thank you for making dinner, but please stop ruining the good food?"

- The negative out of control feelings have started to take over a bit. I know I need to trim my trees and spray down the weeds, but I just haven't been able to motivate myself. I start to feel so helpless about how things are going I decide that I might as well eat fast food. Yes, I've officially slid back.

I feel like I've lost control of my house. Worse yet the stress piles on and I start to feel less control at work. I still can't find someone to insure me, so I have no control over my health care. Feeling helpless and out of control are not the way to become more healthy. They are in fact just the opposite.

I need to find a way to re-charge the batteries. To somehow feel like I can start fresh. I'll be planning and plotting and I'll let you know what I come up with.

3 cookies for breakfast. Pizza for lunch. Pete's Fish and Chips for dinner. Chocolate cake and Vanilla Ice cream for late night snack with friends.

I remember thinking I wanted to be healthy. Obviously that's all it was if I'm eating like this!

Crap.

I'm blaming the holiday. And the stress. But for now - the holiday.

[ Note to the Me that is reading this later on. Do you want to continue to get out of breath after just clapping for your favorite team? Don't you want to wear some of the other clothes in the closet? Focus!]

I'm still drinking my water but I can't think of the last time I was in the gym. Weeks?? I'd have to look back at my blog to remember when I last weighed myself. And while I've been averaging 1.5 good meals a day - the other ones have been bad enough to negate all the good stuff. So. Time to turn things around.

Really. I know it's hard. But I have to do it.

This sucks.

Healthy Patriotism

Yesterday was, of course, the gigantic 4th of July food-fest at my house. Mmmm-mmm-mmm the patriotism was a-flowing while the burgers were a-grilling. I'm happy to report that there were actually quite a few political discussions going on in the house. Topic discussed included racism, political candidates, gay marriage, gays in the military, the movie Sicko, and the legal requirements to move out of the country. We even had some more healthy dinner choices. Sure, we had ribs, burgers and hot dogs, but the hot dogs were Hebrew National and some of the burgers were turkey! And of course we had the baked macaroni salad and the yummy corn casserole - but we ALSO had roasted vegetables, low-fat slaw, broccoli-slaw salad (Called Olympia salad though I have no idea why) and some other inventive veggie salad options such as wilted cucumber salad. We had a vegetarian friend over who brought his own veggie dogs, and with respect for him everyone was aware to ensure that most of the sides were veggie friendly (watching out for those hidden ingredients).

Yes, we had a little bit of everything. And not just the food. Our crowd represented White, Black, Hispanic, Bi-racial, Male, Female, American, Canadian, Gay, Bisexual, Straight, Single, Partnered, Divorced, Senior, Adult, Teen, Pre-Schooler, Vegetarian, South Beach Diet, Weight Watchers Diet, "See Food" Diet and many more combinations if we looked a bit deeper. But our commonalities were even greater. Friendship - and great food.

*** *** ***

And at the end of the party, as I was feeling the environmental guilt after taking out a full 30 gallon bag of trash from plates, cups and napkins, and emptying the recycle container - I noticed that there were a few folks attempting to pack up their empty dishes. This would never do. It was time to institute a new tradition. BYOT - Bring your own Tupperware. Or Plasticware. Everyone at our parties are encouraged to "take a plate" as there are far too many left overs. Most folks put this on a paper plate and cover it with foil. Our next invitation will encourage them to bring one or more small containers to take their "leftovers" home with them. I'm also tempted to tell them to all bring their own plate and forks too - but I think that might be pushing it.

I have decided that I need to look into investing in some cheap but durable re-usable plates. We do these big meals at least 4 times a year - so this could be a great investment, and a great way to reduce our annual trash output. It just might be time to sell that stock in Chinet....

Bagging my week

So, it's been a hectic and awful week. It's been unhealthy in all the un-fun ways. Yesterday was the awful mess of a reminder of how bad the week had gotten. I bought a bunch of disposable cups when deep down I knew it was better for the world if I used real ones - but I just didn't have the energy to imagine washing them all. In rushing and exhaustion I got fast food burgers for dinner. I was sick about 20 minutes later and wondered why I had even bothered to eat it. Then I had to go to 2 different grocery stores and completely forgot my bags - so I have a bunch of plastic bags. And of course there was no time to go work out. Yes, yesterday was like the cherry on top of a crappy sundae.

Today I was determined to find good in the world. To get re-inspired. Re-focused on the good. Surprisingly, I found some of that inspiration at Amazon.

Amazon is the sole distributor of the World Food Programme Feed Bag. For $60 you get a reversible bag that is sized great for carrying books, groceries or anything else that your life requires you carry around. But $34 of that goes to feed a child for a year. Yes, that's right buy a bag - feed a child. And even better, it feeds the child through the schools - which encourages the kids to go to school and the parents to send them to school. In some schools it has increased participation 300%. Wow. Not only are these children less likely to die, but they will traditionally marry later and have less children than an uneducated adult - and they are going to encourage their kids to repeat the same process.

I may not be able to vouch for how green the process was that brought us the bag, and it may not be organic cotton - but this is absolutely healthy. Like a deep breath of fresh air. Saving bags by using this for groceries, saving kids from starvation, encouraging education, encouraging smart living.

I'll admit - I'm not buying this today. Finances are just a bit tight right now. But it is going on my Amazon wish list and I may be buying this for others as well come Christmas time. Check it out and decide if it inspires you to do the same.

My green isn't so green

I have a confession to make. I live in Phoenix and I have grass in my backyard.

You may be disappointed in me. There is a part of me that shares your disappointment. Until I walk out on my thick lush grass, feeling each little blade on the bottom of my feet. Random bits bending between my toes. Ah... that is happiness.

Now, I water as rarely as possible. I have only a small part directly outside my door done in grass so I can enjoy it - but the rest is naturally xeroscaped and/or has pavers which allow water to go into the earth without requiring any additional water use. Really. I tried. But I couldn't escape the lure of the green lushness.

Today I walk outside and find that perhaps we've been under watering a bit as we've gone from having just one small yellow patch to having 4 large sized yellow patches. Not good. Yellow crunches below my feet - not squishes. And, once it's gone yellow it takes even more water and resources to bring it back. And I have no idea how to do that truly organically. I bought stuff at Home Depot that looked natural enough, but upon further review - most likely it's not the best choice.

So, tomorrow I'm going to start looking into organic options for my lawn. Heck, I might get wild and see if there is something I should be doing for the rest of these plants too besides just watering them. For now though - the focus is my green. Less than a week until July 4th and my green - isn't so green. I think it's trying to tell me something.

Sigh.... I'm listening.

Green computing

Like many folks, I work in an office. In most of my jobs over the past many years, I've worked right along the IT (Information Technology - aka the computer geeks) group learning their struggles, interests and culture. I always fit in just enough to blend, but not so much I was completely taken as one of their own. But only in the last week did I hear about green IT.

In a recent article of PC Magazine it was discussed that currently 40% of an IT budget is spent on Energy. This is a shock! These folks are typically paid QUITE well and that equipment is not cheap, and needs constant attention/upgrades - so 40% is a big number. 70% of the companies said that power and cooling were their biggest issues. Again - a bigger issue than having to make these systems talk to each other? Or making the IT folks get along with sales? Now, as someone who is often freezing because they can never JUST cool the tech equipment, they always make the office freezing too - I kinda get it. And of course if you're making the whole office that cold, we're using a ton more energy than we should - and coincidentally paying more for it than is needed. They've estimated that by 2009 Energy costs will be the second highest cost for IT groups - behind only labor. And did I mention how much these folks often make?? That is huge.

Now, just to follow this one more step, the same research found that based on that these business will be looking to make some changes based on these rising costs. What happens when costs go up? Well, the end client pays more AND they start outsourcing. It's anticipated that by 2010 half of all data centers will either relocate or outsource their data center. And when they move, those great paying jobs that currently manage the data will go with it. So the question becomes, what can we do about it??

We have options. Companies can add solar panels to help offset their total energy output. Let's put solar ceiling tiles on all the buildings in Silicon Valley! Industry as a whole can invest in finding less expensive renewable energy sources. But while those are more long term solutions, apparently there is also green computing for today.

Green computing is new to me, but not to IT professionals. There are web sites talking all about it. It's been wikipedia'd. Turns out Google (my dream company) already has plans to be carbon neutral by the end of 2007. I'm shocked, elated, and feeling a bit behind the times.

Almost every company has an IT department. Almost every home has a computer. What aren't we doing? What should we be doing? What should we not do?

One final thing to peruse from the PC Mag source...

Each 1 megawatt datacenter requires:
- 17,000,000 kwh Electricity
- 60,000,000 gallons of water
- 145,000 Copper
- 21,000 lbs Lead
- 33,000 lbs Plastic
- 73,000 lbs Aluminum

Return of the carrot

So today, on a day were I had to drive 30 miles so I could smile and nod at a few folks for about half an hour, only to turn around and drive right back - I'm given another "one day soon you'll work from home" carrot. Good timing.

But seriously, in today's world of video conferencing, web cams and easily shared picture and video via cell phone why are folks still driving across town for a meeting? Sure, sure, sometimes it's worth it. You created something they need to see live. You know you don't have a product that sells itself so you need the smile in the suit to sell it for you. But maybe it's just so you can expense your lunch? Business folks need to think about it. My time, is their time. I bet some folks would appreciate a shorter meeting. Maybe it will never work, but it sure would be nice.

So, today I was told that soon - as soon as next week, I'll be set up to work from home. Do I believe it? No. But - I'm hopeful that by the end of July I might see something happen. Just in time for me to pay more for energy to cool my house all day to stay home. Just when I thought this was a carrot, it turns out to be a fairly even split. Less gas, more electric energy. Casual clothing, but greater need for accountability. Yea, well - I'll take it. Bring it on. The heat won't last forever and I know I can do the job. Bring on the carrot. I'm ready.

Waterbottles, sunscreen and name tags

Every day of camp those were the three things that said at least 20 times a morning to my campers before they were allowed to go out to breakfast. And shoes. Apparently my kids aren't used to leaving carpeting because no one wanted to wear shoes.

Meghan - You need to re-fill your water bottle. Emma - I see your name tag still on the bed! Alena - Where is your water bottle? Jaycee - Did you put the sunscreen on your face?

It was like a constant rotation. Every morning.

What does this have to do with being healthy? These kids were drinking water. Lots of water. They made it a habit. And they were learning to be healthy in applying sunscreen before even walking the trail out to breakfast. We talked about how important it was. We ended up in discussions about global warming.

The camp recycled their aluminum and plastic bottles. We talked about how it meant less trash in the world. And, since this was a church camp, we talked about how we were being better stewards of the earth by keeping it clean and making less waste. God wants the earth to be clean. And even though it totally wasn't pushed on them - the kids got it. They were all volunteering to recycle and I didn't see a single kid litter the whole time. Absolutely perfect. Isn't that what it's really all about?

Just like the rule you tell kids when playing with messy toys - this place needs to look as good when you leave as it did when you walked in, if not better. Same thing with the world. You may have enjoyed playing - but it's time to clean up.

Apparenly stress likes Burger King?

Ya know how I said no more fast food? That died today. The culprit? Emotional eating.

Feeling stressed. Uber bad day. In a rush. Nothing going right. Running late. Feeling out of control. Everything is going wrong.

And then I'm hungry.

Sooooo... I drive through Burger King on the way back to work. It took care of lunch and did calm me down - but it kinda pissed me off that it worked. I feel like now that I'm realizing it's an emotional thing - I should be able to rise above it. Oh well. If Oprah, with her personal chefs, personal assistants and limitless funds, still eats out of emotion - I don't feel quite as bad. BUT - it doesn't solve the fact that I can't keep doing this. [Side note: While Oprah can't solve her own eating issues, she sure is talking about it! They are doing some thing called "Get with the program" (I'm sure this is yelled several times to the audience's loud applause.) that takes you through the many steps of "the program". There are many on emotional eating. This one - talking about stress induced emotional eating is my favorite. You want me to write it in my journal? Sure - one more thing to think about and stress about when I forget or get behind. I don't think so.]

Another bad thing about my day? Almost an hour spent driving basically without purpose for an hour (with escalating stress by the minute of course) in my non-gas friendly car.

Today was not green. Today was not healthy. Today was more Bust than Healthy.

--------in w/ the good air----out with the bad-------whooooooooooooooo............--------

Tomorrow I leave for camp. A church camp were I'll be a counselor for 5 little girls, aged 8-10. Days filled with fun and panic. Nights filled with quiet and exhaustion. As nervous as I may be in that I've never done this before, I am looking forward to it very much. Re-connecting with nature and children. Our world, our future. That is the best motivation ever to be green and live healthy.

Its time for a little recalibration of the old internal circuits.

I look forward to it.

Green Drinking - Trend sweeping the nation!

I think we should call the practice of having a Designated Driver - "Green Drinking" because after all - it means you are going to carpool. And doesn't it sound more fun? Designated driver sounds so... clinical. Or something your mom would say. But if a group of friends said they were going to go out for a round of Green Drinking that sounds fun! Ideally, they drive the car with the best MPG that fits them all. Less gas, more fun, more laughing with your friends, less risk. Who doesn't love this?

You see, I'm generally the Designated Driver - like to call it the "Double D". I'm happy to be the DD at any time. But others aren't so fond of it. I wonder how much is the "not drinking" part and how much is that awful name.

Green Drinking is the trend of the future. I think I'll start using it tonight.

Bad, bad, less bad, and good

Bad #1. A few days ago, at the end of a period I will refer to as my fast food binge against responsible eating, I went to Carl's Jr. I ate a $6 Burger Combo meal. It was darn tasty. The fries were surprisingly good. I didn't even bother with the diet drink. I was THAT bad. That said - I kind of which I'd discovered it before I was trying to be healthy because it was all quite tasty.

Bad #2. The day after the $6 burger, for some bizarre reason I decided to get on the scale. 234. My binge had not gone unnoticed by my hips. Crap. I so rarely get on the scale that I've never seen that clear cause/effect before. Knowing it would happen in the long term is a very different thing that seeing that eating crap for two weeks immediately gave me two extra "bonus" pounds. It was a reality check for me.

Less Bad. Actually kinda good. On the box of the Carl's Jr. Fries, I learned that they re-use their fry oil to fill the tanks of their fleet of vehicles. What? What?? I did some looking online and found out that this isn't a national thing - but something being done by the owner of 52 locations in AZ. I have to say, while this didn't make me feel less bad for eating the food, I felt a bit better in supporting the cause. One article mentioned that they aren't getting any govt kick back or assistance for that either. How great could it be to offer even a .001/cent per gallon tax rebate for any vehicle running on frier oil! Isn't there a fast food spot on almost every major corner? Even if companies just had their own vehicles running on it - that would be a big difference. Might make the town smell more like french fries - but I'm ok with that.

Good. For 2 days now it's been healthy food only. I haven't been to the gym in about 3 weeks I think?? I wonder why I'm even paying the $50/month for the two of us to go. But I am. Because I'm hopeful. And when I get back from camp (where I will be from this Saturday through next Wednesday) I definitely want to get back in the swing of things. But for now, focusing on what I can control, I am at least eating better again. No more falling off the wagon.

Canada is my not-so-secret BFF

One more reason to move to Canada!

Free health care, equal rights, and now this! A Canadian Premier has said that to save energy this summer, businesses should keep it at 79F vs the 73F where it normally rests during the summer. While 79 is certainly comfortable enough - it's not very comfortable when you're wearing a suit so he's suggesting that everyone dress in a cool, comfortable and CASUAL manner! No heels??? No suits with matching purses and shoes and scarves? WOO HOO!

I have a strong opinion on this for several reasons.

1. How awesome is it to put on clothes that actually fit for the weather and not for how cold it's going to be in the office! This would also save energy as most folks end up wearing 2 outfits a day - work and home. Less clothes getting worn, less clothing to be washed! For folks "going out" right after work you either have to bring clothes with you to get wrinkled under your desk or you have to go home to change. Which does what - oh yea - wastes gas.

2. I happen to work in an office that tries to keep it at 73F. Every once in awhile I can get it down to 76F, but that is on a lucky day. Most of the time - I'm wearing a jacket. A jacket. In Phoenix. In June. Why should businesses be wasting that kind of money on AC? How about putting that money towards the rising costs of health care? Or maybe into a profit sharing program?

3. Let's admit it. It's summer vacation. Half the folks in the office are talking about what they are going to do on vacation or what they did on vacation. Or they're talking about what they wish they were doing on vacation. The other folks don't have anywhere to go, don't have any money or don't have any time off left after spring break. We know it's summer at the office - why not look like it? Do my shorts offend your eyes? I didn't think so. Let's go with it!

In the mean time I'll be driving in the heat, in heels and a suit, to a super cold office - unable to even telecommute. Come on American politicians! Get inspired! Steal some great ideas from your own back yard! We can do it!!!

Recycling away from home

I have a new good habit that K is not at all happy with. I bring home recyclable goods. Had a can of soup at work? Clean the can and bring it home for the recycle bin. Sure, that Starbucks tastes good, but should the plastic cup it came in just get tossed in a landfill? Nope. Bring it home and recycle it.

Of course, I wouldn't need to do that if businesses were able to use the same recycling process that residential folks get. But of course, it's not they don't. At least most don't.

So, I have a bag in one of my drawers were my recycled goods go. Paper with unclassified information. Plastics. Aluminum cans. Glass containers. It's all going home with me.

K tells me I'm bringing home trash. I tell her that I'm saving it from the trash. She rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath a bit. I can make out the word "trash" and some less family friendly verbiage.

Imagine if everyone did this. Just recycling the things they used each day outside the home. The container your sandwich came in to the lid to your drink. Now picture that one out of 5000 would pick up the random piece that someone else left behind. A can here and there. We would have so much less trash going down into the land fill. And maybe - just maybe we'd keep the recycle processing plants busy enough that they would actually expand the program to accept new materials.

I may not be able to compost and I don't have any land immediately available for urban gardening, but I'm going to do everything I can to reduce how much is going into the trash can at home - and at work.

8 glasses or 10 or 16... or 5?

Water.

This post isn't about saving it. Or conserving it. It's all about drinking it.

I'm not great at drinking water the way I've been told I should. I'm much better than I was years ago. But I'm not where I need to be. I most likely average 4 glasses a day. A gradeschooler could tell you that you should be at 8 a day. I need to be at like 10-12 for weight loss from what I hear. Dear heavens! On days when I'm really good and have say 6 glasses I can hardly stay out of the bathroom. How in the world would I double that?? I overheard someone say that their trainer told them they should be drinking 1oz for every pound of their weight. 120 lb woman, 120oz water. If your glass held 8oz, that 120 woman would need to drink 15 a day! And the 200lb woman? That would be 25 glasses a day. After hearing all that - I decided it just could not be right. (So much for trusting an overheard converstation) So I looked it up and guess what I found from my favorite friends at Snoops? Even experts have no idea where the 8 glasses a day came from.

So I googled "drinking water each day for weight loss" (without quotes around it) and here are some of the other web-bits I found.

- Body building site said you should drink at least a gallon of water each day.

- This writer swears that eventually you will stop peeing every 10 minutes. I'm not sure that I believe her. But maybe it's just because of the name of the web site.

- While about.com would not normally be a sited spot, I had to appreciate that article is both balanced to say how it's healthy to drink more water - but that that there is also a danger in drinking too much water. Some folks forget about that and go too far - with dangerous results.

- A guy with an MD and who uses fancy words like isotonic and thermogenic says that most adults should drink 1 glass of water with each meal and 2 additional glasses through the day. I think I like this guy.

- I don't like this guy. He uses formulas that don't work in my favor at all. 1/2 oz per pound + more if you are in a hot climate + more if you are athletic. I'm fat. I'm in Phoenix. 2 out of 3 right now. One of these days it might be 3 out of 3, but 2 is bad enough. He even details what your hourly water intake should be. Based on his handy dandy table I should be drinking 8.25 oz of water every hour based on being awake 16 hours. I think not.

So, no magic solution out there I'm sure. But I'd like to get to a point where I consistently did 8 glasses a day. Even if they can't all decide why it's important, it's important. I know it.

I'm just so tired of running to the bathroom.

Hunting for the gas saving carrot

One of the reasons I accepted my current position was the ability to work from home. When first having conversations with them it was going to be 100% at home, but with a few occasional client trips. Works for me. Then about 2 weeks before my start date it became, 2 days a week in the office and the rest of the time from home. I think it was 2 days before I began that it became 100% in the office for the first month or two of training - then it will go to the 2 days in 3 days out model. Fine. Makes sense to me.

I'm on month 7 and I'm still driving 5 days a week. The carrot of working from home is firmly in place, but just when I think that it's almost in reach, they get a longer stick.

Making this change would be great for my time management, great for the company (in ways I can't describe here for risk of leaking my super-secret identity), an extra income benefit (Which would officially be my first benefit as the company does not provide any others. Of ANY kind.), and oh so importantly - would be a major check mark for me on my living healthy mental checklist.

So for this reason, the whole benefits thing, and a host of other issues, I believe I'm going to start up my job hunt again. But I have an interesting quandary. How soon can I ask about telecommuting? I don't want to work at home 100% of the time. 1-2 days a week at home would be absolutely ideal. In for meetings, for team building, to develop relationships - all great things. I've seen a few employers totally turned off by asking about working from home though I've never understood it. Every job where I've worked from home I was actually more productive than when in the office - at least 95% of the time. The other 5% is for when I'd work from home while sick. So yea, less productive than normal - but more productivity than if I'd just taken the day off for sure! I've seen some articles that show it's gaining in favor, but not quite enough to make me confident bringing it up in a 1st interview.

I'll keep looking for input here - and I'll keep hoping the perfect job will come along. With tons of benefits, a corporate recycling program, parking spots for carpoolers and a bold telecommuting policy. Fingers crossed.

Fast Food, Fast Fat

I ate McDonald's today.

McDonald's isn't good for the environment. McDonald's isn't good for me. McDonald's didn't even taste that great. But McDonald's was there when I was rushed and had no time left and had to get back to the office. And I really really wanted a big super cold Coke. With a McDonald's sized straw. Phoenix in June. It's hot. These are not excuses. I could have at least gotten a salad - but I got a Fish. I decided to see just how bad I'd been.

So, based on the lovely McDonald's Nutritional Facts I realized that I just ate about 1260 calories of which 48 grams were fat. How is that even possible? I was still a bit hungry afterwards. Not that I finished the fries, but somehow I don't think that will make enough of a difference. I just can't do that anymore. Even when it's hot. Even when I have a craving. That is just insane. When did it become ok to have that many calories in one meal??? And not even a fancy meal! And not even including dessert!

Fast food scares me.

Tomorrow I'm thinking spinach salad for lunch. Brought from home.