I have 5 minutes until we leave to meet friends for dinner at the Melting Pot for a birthday dinner. We'll be getting just the cheese and the chocolate. Earlier today we went to the zoo and while walking was great, the nachos and McDonald's for snack/lunch was not good. Nor were the Munchkins and Latte that we grabbed on the way there.
And last week I was in NJ for business where I took clients out to eat for 3 dinners and 4 lunches. I ate food I could never afford to eat if I was not being reimbursed. It was amazing. Appetizers, wine, mains, desserts and coffee - and all top shelf stuff.
Last night was another birthday dinner which involved meatloaf and mac and cheese. Why is everything - friendships and business - celebrated and reinforced with food?
This morning I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks. 199.8 lbs. I'm so mad at myself. And yet - I didn't get the healthy option at McDonald's. And I ate the donuts. And I will be eating the fondue.
This sucks.
And it's all my fault.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
2008: A Retrospective
Another year gone. A few less pounds. A few more gray hairs.
The years go faster and faster and faster. Mama didn't lie about that!
Decided to look back at the year. Let's see what I've done. The good, the bad, the ugly. Then, what I'm hoping to see out of this year.
Weight: 2008
January 1st, 2008 I was 208 lbs. I can't tell you what my weight was on the last day of the year because my scale is acting funny. Cheap scales break. Expensive scales "act funny". I'm hoping to sort it out by this weekend, but last time I checked, which was just a few days before, I was at 193.6. While I'm happy that all this time of not tracking food, not exercising etc has not led to a massive weight gain, looking back to see that in all this time I lost a total of less than 15 lbs this year is pretty scary. And just to make it worse, in April I was down to 190. Of course, August was back to 198. Dang those same 10 lbs I keep losing and gaining for the last 9 months!
Weight: Outlook 2009
I'm have a semi stable job now that, while I need to travel now and then, should allow me to work on better eating habits. The Girlfriend swears she's going to start being healthier this year. Where are we now? House full of sweets from the holiday party. I'm working through them as fast as I can. :) Not exactly moving toward my goal, but I can't throw away yummy food. Just can't do it. Not yet. Do I have a goal here? It's tough. My next bit point is to be a 14/16. That's "normal girl" sized. I dreamed of being a 16 by Christmas, but didn't put in the effort. I promise to put in effort this year. Let's say the dream is to be a 14/16 by my birthday. [Special note here, I'm been saying for awhile now that I want to give my hair to locks of love once my face gets small enough to try short hair. I've been saying I want to give it away next summer for awhile now. I think at 14/16 I can get away w/ short hair. :) ]
Active Lifestyle: 2008
My gym membership should count as a charitable contribution because I never ever go. I've almost canceled it I can't say how many times but I keep hoping that something will change and I'll be able to go again. No such luck. We haven't walked around the neighborhood or the awesome park, and we haven't ridden our bikes in so long I think they both need new tires. I have gotten her to take me dancing a bit more often - but does 6 times a year really count?
Active Lifestyle: Outlook 2009
We got a Wii for Christmas. It's been used quite a few times. Standing up to do anything is better than just sitting there like a lump watching TV. And I'm planning to buy the Wii Fit by Spring (Maybe I can make that a "reward" for doing good w/ healthy eating?) so we can start doing at home simple work. Even if it only gets used on the weekends, it would be a great improvement over what we do now. I still think I might cancel the gym membership. I'm giving myself until February to decide for sure. I want to find at least one other way to bring fitness into our lives without the gym. It would be great if we brought back the bikes (and really used them)or found something else that makes us happy so we do it regularly without feeling like it's a forced work out.
Eco Living: 2008
I put it in the backseat to focus on weight. That wasn't an awful decision, but it's been tough. I'm still the recycle nazi to my friends, but as I've admitted, in times of stress or pure exhaustion even I have slipped. I've traveled a ton with my millions of jobs this year and I've done nothing to off-set it. (I'm also not getting enough miles to on a consistent airline to add up to anything good!!) We still use paper and plastic at our holiday gatherings when I'd really wanted to go with "real plates" to ensure that it was more eco friendly. I still absolutely suck at unplugging things I know I should - like cell phone chargers - when not in use. I didn't have enough time to do much in the way of eco shopping (Farmers markets, local produce, local/sustainable housewares and presents) where I stayed in the super-grocery-marts and Targets of the world because I had no time to drive extra or only buy veggies on a Saturday morning between 8 and 10am. I still have the same car that still gets not enough MPG and I still drive it an hour each day, each way.
Eco Living: Outlook 2009
I worked from home more than usual for the holiday. Woman coming back from maternity leave has already said that she WILL work from home regularly. If I could get them to do work from home 2x a month - that would be AWESOME! Also, I live right down the street from someone who works at the same office. (Insane, but true) and we've both been so busy there was no such thing as a "normal" schedule to figure out carpooling. Once I am sharing the workload, I think I can actually carpool. I know there will be some times we can't do it, but even bringing it down 2x a week would make an awesome dent in my gas bills. If I can do it more than that???? Heaven! and that car that I'll be driving was just paid off so I'll be able to make a financially healthy choice to use that extra cash for the insane credit card debt caused by the same car earlier this year! I want to find more locally owned spots that sell more locally made things. I heard about a butcher that sells the pork it raises organically that's only like 15 min from my house - but of course they have limited hours which means I've not made it there. That needs to change this year - I need to make it a goal.
Healthy mind/spirit: 2008
Really enjoyed going to church at the beginning of the year, but as jobs changed and stress raised, I went less often by the end of the year. Almost the only quiet reflective time I found for myself was when traveling. Staring out at the clouds on one quiet trip, I even wrote a poem. Haven't done that in a few years. On another I pulled out 3 poems and 2 songs (sang to myself in the car, and couldn't remember them by the time I could pull over, but they gave me hours of enjoyment in the car). This was a great reminder to me of how important it is to find those times. The no-tv, no one else needs anything but you kind of quiet times. It was also a big reminder that I have to make those moments happen - they won't always just happen on their own.
Healthy mind/spirit: Outlook 2009
Church makes me happy to go, so I need to get back in the habit. I also need to find time for things that make me happy. Reading a book. Blogging. A good coffeehouse with amazing coffee and cool poetry readings. (OK, wishing a bit too far out on that one I'm sure...) Something that makes that little quiet part of you deep deep inside sit back, close it's eyes and exhale deeply. And how important it is to give that same little part of you something that is all about fun - like karaoke or air hockey or singing loudly with a friend to bad 80's music in the car. Work life balance is important, and if I keep working 18 hours a day I'll never find it. I have to work to keep the job, while keeping some level of balance. This may be the hardest thing I try to do all year - but without that, nothing else here will have the time to happen.
Goodbye 2008. You showed me that even in some crazy crazy times, even if I can't always be moving forward I can make sure I don't take a serious step back. Here's looking forward to 2009!
The years go faster and faster and faster. Mama didn't lie about that!
Decided to look back at the year. Let's see what I've done. The good, the bad, the ugly. Then, what I'm hoping to see out of this year.
Weight: 2008
January 1st, 2008 I was 208 lbs. I can't tell you what my weight was on the last day of the year because my scale is acting funny. Cheap scales break. Expensive scales "act funny". I'm hoping to sort it out by this weekend, but last time I checked, which was just a few days before, I was at 193.6. While I'm happy that all this time of not tracking food, not exercising etc has not led to a massive weight gain, looking back to see that in all this time I lost a total of less than 15 lbs this year is pretty scary. And just to make it worse, in April I was down to 190. Of course, August was back to 198. Dang those same 10 lbs I keep losing and gaining for the last 9 months!
Weight: Outlook 2009
I'm have a semi stable job now that, while I need to travel now and then, should allow me to work on better eating habits. The Girlfriend swears she's going to start being healthier this year. Where are we now? House full of sweets from the holiday party. I'm working through them as fast as I can. :) Not exactly moving toward my goal, but I can't throw away yummy food. Just can't do it. Not yet. Do I have a goal here? It's tough. My next bit point is to be a 14/16. That's "normal girl" sized. I dreamed of being a 16 by Christmas, but didn't put in the effort. I promise to put in effort this year. Let's say the dream is to be a 14/16 by my birthday. [Special note here, I'm been saying for awhile now that I want to give my hair to locks of love once my face gets small enough to try short hair. I've been saying I want to give it away next summer for awhile now. I think at 14/16 I can get away w/ short hair. :) ]
Active Lifestyle: 2008
My gym membership should count as a charitable contribution because I never ever go. I've almost canceled it I can't say how many times but I keep hoping that something will change and I'll be able to go again. No such luck. We haven't walked around the neighborhood or the awesome park, and we haven't ridden our bikes in so long I think they both need new tires. I have gotten her to take me dancing a bit more often - but does 6 times a year really count?
Active Lifestyle: Outlook 2009
We got a Wii for Christmas. It's been used quite a few times. Standing up to do anything is better than just sitting there like a lump watching TV. And I'm planning to buy the Wii Fit by Spring (Maybe I can make that a "reward" for doing good w/ healthy eating?) so we can start doing at home simple work. Even if it only gets used on the weekends, it would be a great improvement over what we do now. I still think I might cancel the gym membership. I'm giving myself until February to decide for sure. I want to find at least one other way to bring fitness into our lives without the gym. It would be great if we brought back the bikes (and really used them)or found something else that makes us happy so we do it regularly without feeling like it's a forced work out.
Eco Living: 2008
I put it in the backseat to focus on weight. That wasn't an awful decision, but it's been tough. I'm still the recycle nazi to my friends, but as I've admitted, in times of stress or pure exhaustion even I have slipped. I've traveled a ton with my millions of jobs this year and I've done nothing to off-set it. (I'm also not getting enough miles to on a consistent airline to add up to anything good!!) We still use paper and plastic at our holiday gatherings when I'd really wanted to go with "real plates" to ensure that it was more eco friendly. I still absolutely suck at unplugging things I know I should - like cell phone chargers - when not in use. I didn't have enough time to do much in the way of eco shopping (Farmers markets, local produce, local/sustainable housewares and presents) where I stayed in the super-grocery-marts and Targets of the world because I had no time to drive extra or only buy veggies on a Saturday morning between 8 and 10am. I still have the same car that still gets not enough MPG and I still drive it an hour each day, each way.
Eco Living: Outlook 2009
I worked from home more than usual for the holiday. Woman coming back from maternity leave has already said that she WILL work from home regularly. If I could get them to do work from home 2x a month - that would be AWESOME! Also, I live right down the street from someone who works at the same office. (Insane, but true) and we've both been so busy there was no such thing as a "normal" schedule to figure out carpooling. Once I am sharing the workload, I think I can actually carpool. I know there will be some times we can't do it, but even bringing it down 2x a week would make an awesome dent in my gas bills. If I can do it more than that???? Heaven! and that car that I'll be driving was just paid off so I'll be able to make a financially healthy choice to use that extra cash for the insane credit card debt caused by the same car earlier this year! I want to find more locally owned spots that sell more locally made things. I heard about a butcher that sells the pork it raises organically that's only like 15 min from my house - but of course they have limited hours which means I've not made it there. That needs to change this year - I need to make it a goal.
Healthy mind/spirit: 2008
Really enjoyed going to church at the beginning of the year, but as jobs changed and stress raised, I went less often by the end of the year. Almost the only quiet reflective time I found for myself was when traveling. Staring out at the clouds on one quiet trip, I even wrote a poem. Haven't done that in a few years. On another I pulled out 3 poems and 2 songs (sang to myself in the car, and couldn't remember them by the time I could pull over, but they gave me hours of enjoyment in the car). This was a great reminder to me of how important it is to find those times. The no-tv, no one else needs anything but you kind of quiet times. It was also a big reminder that I have to make those moments happen - they won't always just happen on their own.
Healthy mind/spirit: Outlook 2009
Church makes me happy to go, so I need to get back in the habit. I also need to find time for things that make me happy. Reading a book. Blogging. A good coffeehouse with amazing coffee and cool poetry readings. (OK, wishing a bit too far out on that one I'm sure...) Something that makes that little quiet part of you deep deep inside sit back, close it's eyes and exhale deeply. And how important it is to give that same little part of you something that is all about fun - like karaoke or air hockey or singing loudly with a friend to bad 80's music in the car. Work life balance is important, and if I keep working 18 hours a day I'll never find it. I have to work to keep the job, while keeping some level of balance. This may be the hardest thing I try to do all year - but without that, nothing else here will have the time to happen.
Goodbye 2008. You showed me that even in some crazy crazy times, even if I can't always be moving forward I can make sure I don't take a serious step back. Here's looking forward to 2009!
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