...and she don't care.
The ticket was for the roller coaster of life, with it's ups and downs, twists, turns and loop-de-loops. I got the ticket. I am riding the train. Sure parts are exciting, but it doesn't take long before she just don't care. She'd like to care, but she's just too dang tired!
You have to pick your battles. I've always said I live by that. Sometimes they battles change from day to day or even hour to hour. Since accepting the new job my goal is keeping the job. They know I'm overworked. They say help is on the way. The Girlfriend is starting to refer to me as her Roomie as she doesn't see me enough to be anything beyond that. She calls the office "My other house". At work there is only work. There is no personal email so I get no daily Ideal Bites. No mental breaks surfing for things on etsy or researching awesome charities like ___ to use as gifts this holiday season. No, there is practically no personal Internet access. And even if there was, heavens knows there isn't the time. The last few days I've started my first call at 6:30am and I'm not leaving the office to come home until 10pm.
I could be frustrated. I could get angry. I could cry (if I was that kind of girl). I could do many emotional things. But I don't. I just don't have the time.
I also don't have the time to track my calories, make fresh food for dinner each night, go shopping for healthy food, and I certainly don't have time to go to the gym or even walk around the neighborhood. I've also found myself slacking off on even the simplest of things. I'm burning though plastic flatware at work because I don't have time to wash and re-use. And hard as this is to admit, I have had a few days where I'm too tired to clean a container that needs to be recycled, so it goes in the garbage.
Guess who's gone back to eating out/picking up/driving through far too often? Far, far too often. I have complained how healthy food costs so much, but I have to say going out to eat this often is more expensive that I'd remembered.
I gained weight again - going back to the higher 190's. But I caught and corrected myself. I make sure my lunch (and often dinner) options, while frozen, are healthier. I try to keep a few pieces of fruit at my desk at all times. I upgraded to a larger water cup so there will be less times without water. I'm bringing the number back down, but I won't make my goal of being a size lower by the end of the year. But I MIGHT still be able to make my goal of being in the 180's. 189 totally counts.
I'm exhausted every day, but I haven't forgotten the joy of seeing a lower number on the scale. And I haven't given up on making a dent in my ecological footprint. I've just had to pick my battles. Right now my battle is making everyone NOT see quite how exhausted I am as I move from day to day. And drinking more water. That's about it. And that - is good enough.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Time to say good-bye
Dear Mr. Evil Scale,
You and I have been through some serious ups and downs in this last year. You gave me hope and encouragement. You also gave me dire warnings about straying from the path. You also seriously screwed with my head.
You have come with me from house to house over the years - never given the love you craved as I pushed you into the corner of the bathroom where my cat would often walk over you after getting out of her popper and trail kitty litter from her paws across your face. For that, I am truly sorry.
This is very difficult to me, as you know I don't like change unless it comes in the shape of a lower number, but I think it is time for us to part ways.
You see, over the last week I've gone up and down up to 4 lbs from one day to the next. I know there were several unexpected food choices that led to me going astray here and there but 4lbs in a day?
I'm sorry. This isn't about blame.
It's not you. It's me.
You've given me all you can. From oh so many years ago when I picked you up from a Target at the end of the aisle because I was just curious and figured I should know where I was. When I would not get on you for more than 6 months at a time I'm sure you thought I'd abandoned you. And then this last year to get on you at least once every single day - I'm sure you felt comparatively abused.
I need more than you have to give. Years ago I didn't want for anything more than your digital numbers. It was all I needed. But now my needs have changed. I want decimal points. I want water weight. I want fat percentages. It's me who's changed - not you.
Yes. It's true. You have been replaced. I haven't gotten the nerve to tell you to your face so your replacement is still boxed in the living room. I don't want to cause a scene.
Know that I couldn't have made it through this last year without you. I've appreciated everything you've done - including the tough love. It has helped put me back on track many, many times.
While our relationship will end, I am hopeful you will go on for a long and fruitful life. I'm giving you opportunities at a garage sale to find your new special someone, and if that isn't fruitful, I'll make sure you get placed in a nice goodwill location so your next love can be some skinny thing that loves you from day one.
I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but I continue to wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Thank you.
You and I have been through some serious ups and downs in this last year. You gave me hope and encouragement. You also gave me dire warnings about straying from the path. You also seriously screwed with my head.
You have come with me from house to house over the years - never given the love you craved as I pushed you into the corner of the bathroom where my cat would often walk over you after getting out of her popper and trail kitty litter from her paws across your face. For that, I am truly sorry.
This is very difficult to me, as you know I don't like change unless it comes in the shape of a lower number, but I think it is time for us to part ways.
You see, over the last week I've gone up and down up to 4 lbs from one day to the next. I know there were several unexpected food choices that led to me going astray here and there but 4lbs in a day?
I'm sorry. This isn't about blame.
It's not you. It's me.
You've given me all you can. From oh so many years ago when I picked you up from a Target at the end of the aisle because I was just curious and figured I should know where I was. When I would not get on you for more than 6 months at a time I'm sure you thought I'd abandoned you. And then this last year to get on you at least once every single day - I'm sure you felt comparatively abused.
I need more than you have to give. Years ago I didn't want for anything more than your digital numbers. It was all I needed. But now my needs have changed. I want decimal points. I want water weight. I want fat percentages. It's me who's changed - not you.
Yes. It's true. You have been replaced. I haven't gotten the nerve to tell you to your face so your replacement is still boxed in the living room. I don't want to cause a scene.
Know that I couldn't have made it through this last year without you. I've appreciated everything you've done - including the tough love. It has helped put me back on track many, many times.
While our relationship will end, I am hopeful you will go on for a long and fruitful life. I'm giving you opportunities at a garage sale to find your new special someone, and if that isn't fruitful, I'll make sure you get placed in a nice goodwill location so your next love can be some skinny thing that loves you from day one.
I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but I continue to wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Thank you.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Mama wants a Volt
Oh my.
Oh my oh my.
Words that I never thought would escape my lips.
I want a Chevy.
Now long ago, one of the reasons I picked a Dodge Neon over a Honda was that it was an American car maker. (The biggest reason of course was that apparently I had no financially strong role model telling me to buy the frickin' Honda that I could have still been driving today because they last forever...) I've always been pro-American product whenever there is an option for an equal product at a similar price produced in America. With the Chevy Volt though, it's not just Equal - it looks better! 40 miles for no gas at all!!! Then, only limited gas used to power the electric engine after the 40 miles. I thought this was amazing until I saw an interview with the president of GM who explained that one of the options is a roof that will allow the car's electric engine to RE-CHARGE while you're busy at work or out power shopping!!! How awesome is that??? Drive TO work using electricity pulled from my house. Drive home from work using the power of the sun!
I'm a bit overwhelmed.
As much as I want a new Chevy Volt, it's not going to happen for a long time. First, it's not going to be available for several more years. Then, unfortunately, that price is a bit steep. I have a little "Mama wants a Prius" jar at home and the $38.74 saved in there hasn't gotten me any closer to that $23K car than I was when I started. How the heck am I going to get a $40K car???
Well, it's a beautiful dream. And it's great to know that the option is even going to be out there for folks! Even if it is for folks with more cash-o-la than me. A few less gas guzzling cars of the road is always a good thing. Maybe by 2015 there will be some good Electric car competition to bring those prices down. I'll cross my fingers.
Speaking of being green with your cars, I just did the most green thing I could do at quite a financial price. I fixed my current car instead of buying a new one. Timing belt, Water Pump, Struts, Breaks, New battery, Tune up, Oil change and a few other "Parts" that make things run more smoothly. $2300 later (not counting the interest I'll be paying on that credit card), I know that I've made the most Green decision I can. Keeping the car vs. sending it to the junker. Fricking Expensive, but Green. Could have been a down payment on a Prius, but no... I made the GREEN decision to keep my current car.
Gotta love that Green car smell. It's like oil, grease, Febreeze and just the faintest touch of sadness. And it's expensive, but worth it.
Just like the Volt.
Oh my oh my.
Words that I never thought would escape my lips.
I want a Chevy.
Now long ago, one of the reasons I picked a Dodge Neon over a Honda was that it was an American car maker. (The biggest reason of course was that apparently I had no financially strong role model telling me to buy the frickin' Honda that I could have still been driving today because they last forever...) I've always been pro-American product whenever there is an option for an equal product at a similar price produced in America. With the Chevy Volt though, it's not just Equal - it looks better! 40 miles for no gas at all!!! Then, only limited gas used to power the electric engine after the 40 miles. I thought this was amazing until I saw an interview with the president of GM who explained that one of the options is a roof that will allow the car's electric engine to RE-CHARGE while you're busy at work or out power shopping!!! How awesome is that??? Drive TO work using electricity pulled from my house. Drive home from work using the power of the sun!
I'm a bit overwhelmed.
As much as I want a new Chevy Volt, it's not going to happen for a long time. First, it's not going to be available for several more years. Then, unfortunately, that price is a bit steep. I have a little "Mama wants a Prius" jar at home and the $38.74 saved in there hasn't gotten me any closer to that $23K car than I was when I started. How the heck am I going to get a $40K car???
Well, it's a beautiful dream. And it's great to know that the option is even going to be out there for folks! Even if it is for folks with more cash-o-la than me. A few less gas guzzling cars of the road is always a good thing. Maybe by 2015 there will be some good Electric car competition to bring those prices down. I'll cross my fingers.
Speaking of being green with your cars, I just did the most green thing I could do at quite a financial price. I fixed my current car instead of buying a new one. Timing belt, Water Pump, Struts, Breaks, New battery, Tune up, Oil change and a few other "Parts" that make things run more smoothly. $2300 later (not counting the interest I'll be paying on that credit card), I know that I've made the most Green decision I can. Keeping the car vs. sending it to the junker. Fricking Expensive, but Green. Could have been a down payment on a Prius, but no... I made the GREEN decision to keep my current car.
Gotta love that Green car smell. It's like oil, grease, Febreeze and just the faintest touch of sadness. And it's expensive, but worth it.
Just like the Volt.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The impossible dream
Dear heavens it's been a month and a half. Where the heck did the time go? For a while there it all went to my waist. And my hips. And my ass. Of course, not my boobs. First to go, last to come back... But I digress...
Do you remember that dream I had? That dream that I thought had been realized? I dreamed a simple dream - working at home. Able to eat healthy. No drive through or "home baked" temptations. Saving gas and being good to the environment. More time at home since I wouldn't be driving so I could take more time to make dinners and go to the gym. It was a beautiful dream. Then, I got the job that allowed me to work from home. Everything seemed so beautiful. At least, for the first week.
Since then it's been an endless cycle of hell. I worked an average of 14 hours a day. That doesn't include the late night calls I might get until about 12:30am Eastern Time. My "short" days, of which I think I've gotten maybe 4 in the last 4 months, were 12 hour days. Working by 3:30am on Monday and 4am every other day of the week means going to sleep by 9:30pm which pretty much kills all chances of a decent social life - especially since I'm working until 7pm and haven't gotten to shower yet that day. Whew.... In with the good air... out with the bad....
Last week I accepted a position at a new company. I'll be driving to and from work about 45 min to an hour each way. Good for the environment? Not really. But ya know what, I think this one is going to be SO much healthier for ME! Sorry Earth - it's time to be a little bit selfish if you want me to make it through to encourage folks to recycle for another day!
Now, as to a weight update. When last we left I was at 194 Pre-Travels. Well, after a week in Atlanta and their awesome southern cooking (and mandatory dinners with the clients), I came home at 198. I was pissed with myself. I let myself be angry, then I tried to clean it up. But tracking my food on TDP seemed like the BIGGEST chore! It wasn't really - but I was so stressed with work, anything not 100% required was too, too much. I've been slowly bringing it back in August even without tracking, but I knew that to "take it to the next level" I needed to start tracking. Today is my 3rd day of tracking with TDP again and I'm back at 191 - my prior low number. I'm glad to be there, and focused for what is to come.
You see, with this new job I'll be doing some traveling in the next month. I'll be in the Philippines for a few weeks. How much luck do you think I'll have in finding the calorie content of the hotel food to track it? Or some street vendor? How about the translation issues of having to ask those "is this healthy" kind of questions? Well, it will be tough, but I know I want to balance being healthy with giving in to try a few special things as they may present themselves. After all, weight loss is a goal - but enjoying the journey is mandatory!
So, my short term goal is to be in the 180's by the time I leave for the trip. This isn't much of course - just 2 lbs would get me there. May not seem like much, but I haven't been in the 180's since I was in my early 20's. And yes, that WAS a long time ago.
Next I have a new happy hurdle! I realized today that once I am at 185 lbs, just 7 lbs from today, I will have lost 50 lbs. in total. How HUGE is that? Seems insane to me! ME? Lose 50 lbs? Are you kidding? NOPE!
New job. New goal. New motivation. And most importantly - new post to talk about it!
It won't be a month and a half until you hear from me again. I'll have too many good things going on to not share them with the world! Or at least the 2-3 folks who read this from time to time.... :)
Do you remember that dream I had? That dream that I thought had been realized? I dreamed a simple dream - working at home. Able to eat healthy. No drive through or "home baked" temptations. Saving gas and being good to the environment. More time at home since I wouldn't be driving so I could take more time to make dinners and go to the gym. It was a beautiful dream. Then, I got the job that allowed me to work from home. Everything seemed so beautiful. At least, for the first week.
Since then it's been an endless cycle of hell. I worked an average of 14 hours a day. That doesn't include the late night calls I might get until about 12:30am Eastern Time. My "short" days, of which I think I've gotten maybe 4 in the last 4 months, were 12 hour days. Working by 3:30am on Monday and 4am every other day of the week means going to sleep by 9:30pm which pretty much kills all chances of a decent social life - especially since I'm working until 7pm and haven't gotten to shower yet that day. Whew.... In with the good air... out with the bad....
Last week I accepted a position at a new company. I'll be driving to and from work about 45 min to an hour each way. Good for the environment? Not really. But ya know what, I think this one is going to be SO much healthier for ME! Sorry Earth - it's time to be a little bit selfish if you want me to make it through to encourage folks to recycle for another day!
Now, as to a weight update. When last we left I was at 194 Pre-Travels. Well, after a week in Atlanta and their awesome southern cooking (and mandatory dinners with the clients), I came home at 198. I was pissed with myself. I let myself be angry, then I tried to clean it up. But tracking my food on TDP seemed like the BIGGEST chore! It wasn't really - but I was so stressed with work, anything not 100% required was too, too much. I've been slowly bringing it back in August even without tracking, but I knew that to "take it to the next level" I needed to start tracking. Today is my 3rd day of tracking with TDP again and I'm back at 191 - my prior low number. I'm glad to be there, and focused for what is to come.
You see, with this new job I'll be doing some traveling in the next month. I'll be in the Philippines for a few weeks. How much luck do you think I'll have in finding the calorie content of the hotel food to track it? Or some street vendor? How about the translation issues of having to ask those "is this healthy" kind of questions? Well, it will be tough, but I know I want to balance being healthy with giving in to try a few special things as they may present themselves. After all, weight loss is a goal - but enjoying the journey is mandatory!
So, my short term goal is to be in the 180's by the time I leave for the trip. This isn't much of course - just 2 lbs would get me there. May not seem like much, but I haven't been in the 180's since I was in my early 20's. And yes, that WAS a long time ago.
Next I have a new happy hurdle! I realized today that once I am at 185 lbs, just 7 lbs from today, I will have lost 50 lbs. in total. How HUGE is that? Seems insane to me! ME? Lose 50 lbs? Are you kidding? NOPE!
New job. New goal. New motivation. And most importantly - new post to talk about it!
It won't be a month and a half until you hear from me again. I'll have too many good things going on to not share them with the world! Or at least the 2-3 folks who read this from time to time.... :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
And so begins the downward spiral...
I was doing so good. And then....
BAM! 15-18 hour days including ALL weekend!
BAM! The Girlfriend gets sick and can't cook anything healthy!
BAM! I'm extra hungry due to lack of sleep and stress.
So we ordered pizza. But for only a few bucks more than 1 pizza their special is for 3 so we get 3. And as I'm so busy it becomes Dinner that night, and then lunch and dinner the next.
Tuesday morning, after only about 3.5 hrs of sleep as I'm heading off to the airport I weigh myself - something I hadn't had time to do in 3 days. 194. Fuck!
And then there is traveling....
This is my first time traveling w/ only carry-on luggage. I don't know if I'll be able to do it again. No room for a jacket - sudden thunderstorms my first night. No room for my "healthy" snacks -and no healthy food nearby. No rental car and of course this time I get a suite with a full kitchen.
So tonight, I head out in weather where everyone in the lobby says it looks like a hurricane is coming (hurricane is actually a state over...), with rain starting to come down and winds whipping up a storm, while wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. I ask about healthy options, but none is in quick walking distance, and how much walking do I need to do in this weather. I end up in a diner and there is nothing close to healthy. I could have done better than this, but I got a big juicy patty melt with fries. As I was finishing my dinner I saw that a nearby table had gotten a huge piece of cake. I have seriously been jonesing for chocolate cake. I gave in and bought some ho-ho's last week to just get a similar taste without buying the whole cake (which may sound strange, but it worked temporarily for far less calories). I immediately wanted it. Badly. So, as I left I got a big piece of chocolate cake - figuring it would be dessert tonight and breakfast tomorrow and I walk home with it firm in that conviction through the pouring rain. Well... it's gone. That thing was SO good! And they have about 8 other varieties of cake (including red velvet that looked SO good) and it's right across the street. But of course tomorrow is a client dinner that is at a southern food restaurant - client picked the location. Nice.
Do airplanes hate me? Is there something in airplane air that destroys all sense of willpower and purpose?
I can't figure it out, but I'm not myself today. Or rather, I'm my old non-healthy self today. Ah.. I remember it well. Not thinking about food. Just getting what looked good. Eating things based on how they tasted, not based on the numbers on the side of the box. Happy times and easy times - but fat times.
Tonight I go to sleep, full of hope (and chocolate cake) that tomorrow will be a slightly happier, dryer and healthier day.
BAM! 15-18 hour days including ALL weekend!
BAM! The Girlfriend gets sick and can't cook anything healthy!
BAM! I'm extra hungry due to lack of sleep and stress.
So we ordered pizza. But for only a few bucks more than 1 pizza their special is for 3 so we get 3. And as I'm so busy it becomes Dinner that night, and then lunch and dinner the next.
Tuesday morning, after only about 3.5 hrs of sleep as I'm heading off to the airport I weigh myself - something I hadn't had time to do in 3 days. 194. Fuck!
And then there is traveling....
This is my first time traveling w/ only carry-on luggage. I don't know if I'll be able to do it again. No room for a jacket - sudden thunderstorms my first night. No room for my "healthy" snacks -and no healthy food nearby. No rental car and of course this time I get a suite with a full kitchen.
So tonight, I head out in weather where everyone in the lobby says it looks like a hurricane is coming (hurricane is actually a state over...), with rain starting to come down and winds whipping up a storm, while wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. I ask about healthy options, but none is in quick walking distance, and how much walking do I need to do in this weather. I end up in a diner and there is nothing close to healthy. I could have done better than this, but I got a big juicy patty melt with fries. As I was finishing my dinner I saw that a nearby table had gotten a huge piece of cake. I have seriously been jonesing for chocolate cake. I gave in and bought some ho-ho's last week to just get a similar taste without buying the whole cake (which may sound strange, but it worked temporarily for far less calories). I immediately wanted it. Badly. So, as I left I got a big piece of chocolate cake - figuring it would be dessert tonight and breakfast tomorrow and I walk home with it firm in that conviction through the pouring rain. Well... it's gone. That thing was SO good! And they have about 8 other varieties of cake (including red velvet that looked SO good) and it's right across the street. But of course tomorrow is a client dinner that is at a southern food restaurant - client picked the location. Nice.
Do airplanes hate me? Is there something in airplane air that destroys all sense of willpower and purpose?
I can't figure it out, but I'm not myself today. Or rather, I'm my old non-healthy self today. Ah.. I remember it well. Not thinking about food. Just getting what looked good. Eating things based on how they tasted, not based on the numbers on the side of the box. Happy times and easy times - but fat times.
Tonight I go to sleep, full of hope (and chocolate cake) that tomorrow will be a slightly happier, dryer and healthier day.
Monday, July 14, 2008
5 down, oh so many to go...
I am a bad, bad girl.
Bad. Bad Girl.
How could it have been 2 weeks since my last post? I know life is a bit of a blur these days, but there are so many times that I meant to post something that somehow I feel that at least one of those should have counted and turned into a real post but I suppose that's not really how it happens now is it? Oh, if only that were the only way I was bad.
It's been well documented that I've been eating crap. Crap, crap and more crap. Crap-o-la. I tried to toss in at least one healthy meal a day, but that was quickly taken over by sudden cravings for Doritos or chocolate or Pizza. And I gave in. I was weak. One weak behavior begot another and it never quite seemed like it was "time" to go 100% back to being healthy.
And then Mr. Scale showed me 197.
But I wasn't mad at Mr. Scale - I was mad at myself. I did it all to myself. I could have been in the 170's by now if I'd kept up with it and instead I let myself not just be dormant, but actually gain back a few pounds through sloppy eating choices. To suddenly see 3 pounds away from the dreaded 200 was enough to get me off my butt. That was July 9th. I started tracking my calories again on TDP immediately. Even though with the new job I had "no time" I knew I had to find the time. I had to make it happen.
Turns out, my body didn't really want that extra weight. Through normal healthy eating I've been really surprised at the results.
July 9 - 197
July 11 - 196
July 12 - 194
July 13 - 193
July 14 - 192
Fine - tell me it's water weight. Tell me it's whatever you want to call it. All I know is I'm down 5lbs in less than a week so I'm over the moon.
My next challenge? I go out of town in a week, and I've always allowed myself to make less than ideal food decisions when traveling for work. This time it will have the additional challenge of a) Being in Atlanta where I hear the food is amazing and b) Being car-less so all my food must be within walking distance. No fridge, no microwave, no grocery store.
In my ideal world I'd have one suitcase just for bottled water, fruit, 100 calorie snacks and of course Mr. Evil Scale. Hmmm... do they make traveling scales? Perhaps it's time to give Mr. Scale a friend...
Bad. Bad Girl.
How could it have been 2 weeks since my last post? I know life is a bit of a blur these days, but there are so many times that I meant to post something that somehow I feel that at least one of those should have counted and turned into a real post but I suppose that's not really how it happens now is it? Oh, if only that were the only way I was bad.
It's been well documented that I've been eating crap. Crap, crap and more crap. Crap-o-la. I tried to toss in at least one healthy meal a day, but that was quickly taken over by sudden cravings for Doritos or chocolate or Pizza. And I gave in. I was weak. One weak behavior begot another and it never quite seemed like it was "time" to go 100% back to being healthy.
And then Mr. Scale showed me 197.
But I wasn't mad at Mr. Scale - I was mad at myself. I did it all to myself. I could have been in the 170's by now if I'd kept up with it and instead I let myself not just be dormant, but actually gain back a few pounds through sloppy eating choices. To suddenly see 3 pounds away from the dreaded 200 was enough to get me off my butt. That was July 9th. I started tracking my calories again on TDP immediately. Even though with the new job I had "no time" I knew I had to find the time. I had to make it happen.
Turns out, my body didn't really want that extra weight. Through normal healthy eating I've been really surprised at the results.
July 9 - 197
July 11 - 196
July 12 - 194
July 13 - 193
July 14 - 192
Fine - tell me it's water weight. Tell me it's whatever you want to call it. All I know is I'm down 5lbs in less than a week so I'm over the moon.
My next challenge? I go out of town in a week, and I've always allowed myself to make less than ideal food decisions when traveling for work. This time it will have the additional challenge of a) Being in Atlanta where I hear the food is amazing and b) Being car-less so all my food must be within walking distance. No fridge, no microwave, no grocery store.
In my ideal world I'd have one suitcase just for bottled water, fruit, 100 calorie snacks and of course Mr. Evil Scale. Hmmm... do they make traveling scales? Perhaps it's time to give Mr. Scale a friend...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Let me eat cake
Tomorrow I eat cake. Ok, well, I actually chose to go with giant cupcakes instead of cake this year. So... mini-cakes. Tomorrow I eat cake and pizza and non-diet soda. That was my splurge, right?
Oh the crap that I have eaten in the last few days. I haven't even bothered to get on the scale because the result would surely scare the crap out of me.
On my birthday, a Wednesday, we went out for Mexican food. Then we went to the grocery store. I wanted dessert and figured maybe I'd get something sweet there while I picked up some salad and stuff for the week. I got fresh baked cookies from the bakery. I was actually craving that EXACT cookie all day, so when I saw them there, I had to get them. Chewy chocolate cookies with pecans. I don't even like freaking nuts and yet I had been fantisizing about these dang cookies. I got two containers. I call them Birthday Cookies now. I say hello to them every time I pass them in the kitchen. "Hi Birthday Cookies!" "Good Morning Birthday Cookies!" "Well hello Birhtday Cookies - you're looking lovely and smelling great today!" Over the next 2 days I ate about 3 a day. Still have about 3 left from container #1 as of Saturday night. Not as bad as I could have been - sure, but not really healthy either.
The next day we go to Costco to order the cake and pick up some healthy cereal for me as I'm out. We eat Costco Pizza and I give in to non-diet soda. I'm a bad, bad girl. Lucky for me they weren't offering samples that day...
Friday we go out to eat at a new Cajun spot. Honestly, while it waasn't exactly great, the gumbo wasn't TOO bad. Chicken and sausage, but there wasn't much sausage. Mostly rice and fresh veggies. But the potato salad, mac & chees and those lovely hushpuppies weren't exactly diet food.
Saturday breakfast started good, as it always does, but it was pretty much down hill from there. Fast food fried chicken sandwich, fries and a non-diet coke for lunch. M&M's in the movie. Starbucks at the store. Soft pretzel at the mall. Around 9pm I realize I haven't had any water yet today. And the closest thing to a vegetable were the pieces of soggy tomato I bit into before I pulled them off my sandwich at lunch. Wow. I suck.
Do I want to try to say that I needed this time? It would be a lie. But it certainly would be a convenient one. Really, it's just a matter of allowing travel to let me fall back into old habits. I need to MAKE myself work harder both when I'm at home and when I travel. Looking at the food in the aisles at the store today just made me angry. It was all SO bad for you. But it was easy. It was convenient. It was my reminder. Easy and convenient is what got me to 235. I am never, never, never going to be there again. I can't keep sliding. An off day - heck an off week can't derail me the way it has recently. Time to pick myself up by the bootstraps. [Since I don't wear boots should that be bra straps? Not sure...]
I will allow 1 more bad day because it's already planned and I know that even if I was being healthy the rest of the time I'd let myself splurge for my birthday. But as of Monday it's back to the scale. By the end of the week I want to have measurments too. Scares the crap out of me, but it has to happen. Because the results of doing nothing, staying in this cycle of crap, scares me even more.
Oh the crap that I have eaten in the last few days. I haven't even bothered to get on the scale because the result would surely scare the crap out of me.
On my birthday, a Wednesday, we went out for Mexican food. Then we went to the grocery store. I wanted dessert and figured maybe I'd get something sweet there while I picked up some salad and stuff for the week. I got fresh baked cookies from the bakery. I was actually craving that EXACT cookie all day, so when I saw them there, I had to get them. Chewy chocolate cookies with pecans. I don't even like freaking nuts and yet I had been fantisizing about these dang cookies. I got two containers. I call them Birthday Cookies now. I say hello to them every time I pass them in the kitchen. "Hi Birthday Cookies!" "Good Morning Birthday Cookies!" "Well hello Birhtday Cookies - you're looking lovely and smelling great today!" Over the next 2 days I ate about 3 a day. Still have about 3 left from container #1 as of Saturday night. Not as bad as I could have been - sure, but not really healthy either.
The next day we go to Costco to order the cake and pick up some healthy cereal for me as I'm out. We eat Costco Pizza and I give in to non-diet soda. I'm a bad, bad girl. Lucky for me they weren't offering samples that day...
Friday we go out to eat at a new Cajun spot. Honestly, while it waasn't exactly great, the gumbo wasn't TOO bad. Chicken and sausage, but there wasn't much sausage. Mostly rice and fresh veggies. But the potato salad, mac & chees and those lovely hushpuppies weren't exactly diet food.
Saturday breakfast started good, as it always does, but it was pretty much down hill from there. Fast food fried chicken sandwich, fries and a non-diet coke for lunch. M&M's in the movie. Starbucks at the store. Soft pretzel at the mall. Around 9pm I realize I haven't had any water yet today. And the closest thing to a vegetable were the pieces of soggy tomato I bit into before I pulled them off my sandwich at lunch. Wow. I suck.
Do I want to try to say that I needed this time? It would be a lie. But it certainly would be a convenient one. Really, it's just a matter of allowing travel to let me fall back into old habits. I need to MAKE myself work harder both when I'm at home and when I travel. Looking at the food in the aisles at the store today just made me angry. It was all SO bad for you. But it was easy. It was convenient. It was my reminder. Easy and convenient is what got me to 235. I am never, never, never going to be there again. I can't keep sliding. An off day - heck an off week can't derail me the way it has recently. Time to pick myself up by the bootstraps. [Since I don't wear boots should that be bra straps? Not sure...]
I will allow 1 more bad day because it's already planned and I know that even if I was being healthy the rest of the time I'd let myself splurge for my birthday. But as of Monday it's back to the scale. By the end of the week I want to have measurments too. Scares the crap out of me, but it has to happen. Because the results of doing nothing, staying in this cycle of crap, scares me even more.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Happy not-so-healthy birthday to me!
Today I made plans for my birthday. The plans involve pizza and cake. None of these things will be the "healthy versions". I may give in to some non-diet soda as well because something about pizza + bowling alley = either Root Beer or Cherry Coke, and these things rarely come in diet at a bowling alley.
Not quite healthy.
Today I planned to do an early dinner so we could FINALLY make it out to the gym. It's only been 3-4 months. Insane. I'm paying a whole lot for the pleasure of holding a card in my pocket. So we made plans to go. And what happened? She was tired. I was swamped with work. Excuses given, gym excused. So what did we do after dinner? Watch tv and share some ice cream. It felt awesome at the time. Some nice cozy at home time. Then I realize I have to be asleep in 90 minutes, still haven't done most of the work that was my reason for staying home in the first place and now I have to stay up to do it all which means I'm getting less sleep. More stress. Less sleep. Less exercise.
Not healthy at all.
While I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing anything either. I tried using TDP the other day and it lasted 2 days. I'm just SO busy in the new job that I don't feel like I have the time. It requires planning to eat healthy. Who has time for planning?
Sigh... I need to. The Girlfriend said she really wants to get the house healthy again. She wants me to start eating healthy again because she knows how much I enjoyed it (most of the time) and how it made me feel good about myself. Right now I feel fat - super fat. When so much of this process is mental - it's a sad fact that I am already feeling a bit defeated when in actuality I've been decently successful prior to the new job.
I need to find that thing. That motivator. That kick in the pants.
But first, I'm eating my frickin' birthday cake.
Not quite healthy.
Today I planned to do an early dinner so we could FINALLY make it out to the gym. It's only been 3-4 months. Insane. I'm paying a whole lot for the pleasure of holding a card in my pocket. So we made plans to go. And what happened? She was tired. I was swamped with work. Excuses given, gym excused. So what did we do after dinner? Watch tv and share some ice cream. It felt awesome at the time. Some nice cozy at home time. Then I realize I have to be asleep in 90 minutes, still haven't done most of the work that was my reason for staying home in the first place and now I have to stay up to do it all which means I'm getting less sleep. More stress. Less sleep. Less exercise.
Not healthy at all.
While I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing anything either. I tried using TDP the other day and it lasted 2 days. I'm just SO busy in the new job that I don't feel like I have the time. It requires planning to eat healthy. Who has time for planning?
Sigh... I need to. The Girlfriend said she really wants to get the house healthy again. She wants me to start eating healthy again because she knows how much I enjoyed it (most of the time) and how it made me feel good about myself. Right now I feel fat - super fat. When so much of this process is mental - it's a sad fact that I am already feeling a bit defeated when in actuality I've been decently successful prior to the new job.
I need to find that thing. That motivator. That kick in the pants.
But first, I'm eating my frickin' birthday cake.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
My old nemesis
Left for Business trip (Sunday) - 190
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Nebraska Dreaming
I walked to work today. Then, I walked to Starbucks. Twice. Then, I walked home. Then, after a few hours of working, I walked to dinner. I thought about walking across the street to grab a movie at the theater, but there wasn't really enough time. Then, I walked home.
I love this city.
I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Huskers, to visit with one of our call centers out here. They are right across from the University in lovely downtown Lincoln. And I'm in love. I walk everywhere. I CAN walk everywhere. It's like a green heaven. Well, unless you consider that I had to fly to get here. Takes some of the green out of it. And - when I asked about the nearest grocery store where I could pick up some water and fruit, it was a 5-10 min drive. Is this bad? Not for some mom & pop shop where the guy has been polishing apples and putting them in a pyramid for the last 40 some years. But finding the place closed at 7:50pm on a weekday hurt just a little bit.
Now I'm absolutely dying for Phoenix to "catch up" with the downtown they've got going here. Oh, I know it will never be the same - we just don't have the same # of historical buildings all close together and walkable-like. But man - when I see how amazing it can be, and how well it can all work together - I'll admit I'm more than a bit jealous.
Oh - and I have a great hotel and I'm not sick. How much more do I love this place?
Tons.
So, flying here isn't green. But this city certainly can be - and pretty easily. I wonder how many cities don't even realize how good they've got it. And, I'm wondering how willing I'd be to trade in my 2K+ Square feet, 2 car garage and back yard with future fruit trees for an awesome downtown spot if I thought my downtown could ever be close to this? Or, even if it couldn't?
Off to dream in green....
I love this city.
I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Huskers, to visit with one of our call centers out here. They are right across from the University in lovely downtown Lincoln. And I'm in love. I walk everywhere. I CAN walk everywhere. It's like a green heaven. Well, unless you consider that I had to fly to get here. Takes some of the green out of it. And - when I asked about the nearest grocery store where I could pick up some water and fruit, it was a 5-10 min drive. Is this bad? Not for some mom & pop shop where the guy has been polishing apples and putting them in a pyramid for the last 40 some years. But finding the place closed at 7:50pm on a weekday hurt just a little bit.
Now I'm absolutely dying for Phoenix to "catch up" with the downtown they've got going here. Oh, I know it will never be the same - we just don't have the same # of historical buildings all close together and walkable-like. But man - when I see how amazing it can be, and how well it can all work together - I'll admit I'm more than a bit jealous.
Oh - and I have a great hotel and I'm not sick. How much more do I love this place?
Tons.
So, flying here isn't green. But this city certainly can be - and pretty easily. I wonder how many cities don't even realize how good they've got it. And, I'm wondering how willing I'd be to trade in my 2K+ Square feet, 2 car garage and back yard with future fruit trees for an awesome downtown spot if I thought my downtown could ever be close to this? Or, even if it couldn't?
Off to dream in green....
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Day 4, or maybe 7 if you count the hours...
I've always had a not-so-secret nerd crush on Dilbert.
Who has worked in an office and not seen themselves or others in the office in a far too close to the truth form staring up from that comic strip? I used to post them regularly around my desk. Some done with only humor in mind. Some in hopes that the right person would casually see them, realize it was all about them and immediately stop whatever it was they were doing.
I fondly and vividly remember the series he did when Dilbert was given the opportunity to telecommute. As I'm finishing my first week of telecommuting, I realized it's not quite what I expected all those years ago.
While quite different, there are some interesting parallels.
Day 1 - I was too busy working to think about the time I saved by not having to drive into an office.
Day 2 I did decide to skip the shower until that evening. After staying up late to get a few extra things set up, I wasn't excited about needing to be up by 3:30am to be able to shower. Stay up til 3? Sure! Get up at 3? I don't think so.
Day 3 - Throwing pencil at the ceiling? But then I'd have to clean my own ceiling. A trait much better left in the office. But, I did get a bit "working from home wild and crazy". I baked a cake. not from scratch, and the frosting came right out of a can, but I did bake it. During my lunch hour. Well, the baking was during lunch hour. Wait, does it count as a lunch hour when my laptop was on the island and I was sending email while adding the eggs?
Day 4 - I am totally pro-clothes. I was in a meeting today though - but I was so busy working through it I hardly remember what was discussed. Pretty sure beards didn't come up. I did find out that I'll be traveling again the first week in June and I can expect to be even busier in the next few weeks.
I'm working 14 hour days (at least, with breaks here and there) and (so far) I'm loving it. There has to be something seriously wrong with me, I know. But for now, I'm just going to sit back (in my office chair), relax (get back to work on a project for tomorrow), and enjoy it.
Who has worked in an office and not seen themselves or others in the office in a far too close to the truth form staring up from that comic strip? I used to post them regularly around my desk. Some done with only humor in mind. Some in hopes that the right person would casually see them, realize it was all about them and immediately stop whatever it was they were doing.
I fondly and vividly remember the series he did when Dilbert was given the opportunity to telecommute. As I'm finishing my first week of telecommuting, I realized it's not quite what I expected all those years ago.
While quite different, there are some interesting parallels.
Day 1 - I was too busy working to think about the time I saved by not having to drive into an office.
Day 2 I did decide to skip the shower until that evening. After staying up late to get a few extra things set up, I wasn't excited about needing to be up by 3:30am to be able to shower. Stay up til 3? Sure! Get up at 3? I don't think so.
Day 3 - Throwing pencil at the ceiling? But then I'd have to clean my own ceiling. A trait much better left in the office. But, I did get a bit "working from home wild and crazy". I baked a cake. not from scratch, and the frosting came right out of a can, but I did bake it. During my lunch hour. Well, the baking was during lunch hour. Wait, does it count as a lunch hour when my laptop was on the island and I was sending email while adding the eggs?
Day 4 - I am totally pro-clothes. I was in a meeting today though - but I was so busy working through it I hardly remember what was discussed. Pretty sure beards didn't come up. I did find out that I'll be traveling again the first week in June and I can expect to be even busier in the next few weeks.
I'm working 14 hour days (at least, with breaks here and there) and (so far) I'm loving it. There has to be something seriously wrong with me, I know. But for now, I'm just going to sit back (in my office chair), relax (get back to work on a project for tomorrow), and enjoy it.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Emotional pizza
As I blow my nose and eat my delivered pizza, I realize that I've only had a single bottle of water today. Right now I'm about as far from healthy as you can get.
And yet this weekend I bought my first size 16 shorts. Well...my first size 16 on the way DOWN vs. on the way up....
I was pretty darn elated about it too. Also, before my trip I bought some size 18 things from a "regular" sized store - not the women's section - and they fit just great. I was almost over the moon on that one. It's one thing to be a "Women's" 18, but to be a regular old 18 was pretty cool. So why am I eating pizza?
Well, I'll tell you. My trip of errors is still not over. While the nausea has subsided, I have been struck with an awful cold/allergies (still not sure what as no medicine is working) and am almost constantly blowing my nose. No other signs, just blowing my nose and lovely sinus drainage. Lovely, don't you think?
So tonight when I was tired generally crabby, but when the idea of ordering Pizza and being lazy in my room made me momentarily happy, I knew I had to jump on it. There hasn't been a lot of happy on this trip. I did my research and found a small mom & pop shop and ordered from there. It wasn't the best pizza ever, but it gave me some happiness.
Emotional eating? You bet. Do I feel bad about it? Heck no.
Perhaps I should. I mean, I did have my oatmeal for breakfast, and a healthy salad for lunch to help sorta balance out the 1/2 a pizza I'm eating for dinner, but I still knowingly made an emotional decision to eat comfort food. I know it isn't good for me. And I know this isn't the way to lose more weight. But today, I just wanted a slice of happy. And for now, I'm ok with that.
I'm also not feeling bad about the 8 pieces of chocolates/fudge that I bought from a local spot out here yesterday. Walked the whole place. I knew I could have gotten much more. But instead I hand picked one of that and two of that and had her put it in a bag. Since yesterday I've had 3 pieces. It makes me a bit happy when I see the bag in the morning. It gives me hope thinking about it waiting for me when I get home. Again, am I making an emotional attachment to food? Well, sort of. I loved the buying of it almost more than the eating of it. (It's not as good as See's Candy back home.) It was so fun to spoil myself with a pedicure and a few hand picked chocolates, followed by dinner with good book. It was a Me evening. And if girl can't give in to a piece of chocolate now and then, what good is she?
When I get home I am going to be SO good again. Lots of water. Tracking my food again. Planing out meals. Getting more exercise. But for now, I'm making the best of a crappy out of town experience. Pizza and chocolate won't make it all better, but for tonight, they certainly do help.
And yet this weekend I bought my first size 16 shorts. Well...my first size 16 on the way DOWN vs. on the way up....
I was pretty darn elated about it too. Also, before my trip I bought some size 18 things from a "regular" sized store - not the women's section - and they fit just great. I was almost over the moon on that one. It's one thing to be a "Women's" 18, but to be a regular old 18 was pretty cool. So why am I eating pizza?
Well, I'll tell you. My trip of errors is still not over. While the nausea has subsided, I have been struck with an awful cold/allergies (still not sure what as no medicine is working) and am almost constantly blowing my nose. No other signs, just blowing my nose and lovely sinus drainage. Lovely, don't you think?
So tonight when I was tired generally crabby, but when the idea of ordering Pizza and being lazy in my room made me momentarily happy, I knew I had to jump on it. There hasn't been a lot of happy on this trip. I did my research and found a small mom & pop shop and ordered from there. It wasn't the best pizza ever, but it gave me some happiness.
Emotional eating? You bet. Do I feel bad about it? Heck no.
Perhaps I should. I mean, I did have my oatmeal for breakfast, and a healthy salad for lunch to help sorta balance out the 1/2 a pizza I'm eating for dinner, but I still knowingly made an emotional decision to eat comfort food. I know it isn't good for me. And I know this isn't the way to lose more weight. But today, I just wanted a slice of happy. And for now, I'm ok with that.
I'm also not feeling bad about the 8 pieces of chocolates/fudge that I bought from a local spot out here yesterday. Walked the whole place. I knew I could have gotten much more. But instead I hand picked one of that and two of that and had her put it in a bag. Since yesterday I've had 3 pieces. It makes me a bit happy when I see the bag in the morning. It gives me hope thinking about it waiting for me when I get home. Again, am I making an emotional attachment to food? Well, sort of. I loved the buying of it almost more than the eating of it. (It's not as good as See's Candy back home.) It was so fun to spoil myself with a pedicure and a few hand picked chocolates, followed by dinner with good book. It was a Me evening. And if girl can't give in to a piece of chocolate now and then, what good is she?
When I get home I am going to be SO good again. Lots of water. Tracking my food again. Planing out meals. Getting more exercise. But for now, I'm making the best of a crappy out of town experience. Pizza and chocolate won't make it all better, but for tonight, they certainly do help.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Attempting to choose my own adventure - finally
Warning: The post you are about to read is blunt. Those with a weak stomach may want a friend to proof-read it for you first...
I'm hoping for a fresh start in hotel room #2 in my great "new job" adventure. Why a fresh start you may ask? Let's review.
#1 - My flight was late. About 30 min late. Not huge except the flight was already coming in SO late at night. It touched down about midnight.
#2 - My bag was the last one sent out from my flight. Maybe not last, but the crowds were gone. I think there was one guy left besides me...
#3 - The rental car wasn't in the right place. I was going up and down the levels until I finally found it myself - no help from the folks who worked there.
#4 - The GPS didn't work and I had no other back up directions because FOR ONCE I put my faith in having everything work out the was supposed to work.
#5 - Because I have to unpack before I can go to bed (though frankly that only takes 15-20 min max) I didn't lay down in bed until a bit after 2. And because I had just been running all over town, I was SO awake. It was well after 2:30am by the time I got to sleep.
#6 - The alarm went off at 5:30am. I was pretty exhausted through my first day at my first job. I caught my head bobbing a few times during a VERY important meeting. Great first impression...
#7 - I find out the internet in my room isn't working. The hotel and internet folks blame my laptop, and as it's new, I can't say anything. My first impression with IT will now be the girl who can't even make her internet work. Nice.
#8 - Trying to make my first day a bit better I stop in for some supplies at Trader Joe's. Decided to grab some pre-made food for dinner - healthy and cheap so the company should appreciate it. While I love Trader Joe's and will not stop shopping there - I got food poisoning eating the shrimp.
#9 - Day 2 of work I am late because I'm to busy throwing up and crapping I can't even make it into the shower. I finally make it in to work and spend the rest of my day running into the bathroom 2-3 times an hour until there is just nothing else to come out.
#10 - After Day 2, my plan is to come home, rest for a bit and then read through the benefit information I've been given. Heck no. I'm totally exhausted now and have a serious case of the chills. All I can do is crank up the heater, put on my jogging suit and crash out under the covers. I was basically out for the rest of the night.
#11 - I wake up on Day 3 too exhausted to get out of bed when the alarm goes off. I feel like I've been beaten up in a back alley - but from the inside out. I can't move without it hurting everywhere. I tell myself I'll sleep for 30 more minutes.
#12 - I am 2 hours late for work because I overslept. Didn't wake up until a girl from work called me to make sure I was ok after yesterday. Nice.
After finally getting to work and promising myself that today would be a different day - it was. I was able to take back some control. Learn a bit more. Talk to IT in an educated way about what I learned and what I needed. I had a fiber bar for breakfast and healthy Subway for lunch. After some fancy footwork with the Hotel proving to them the internet issue was their issue and not mine (pulled out the internet cable from their business center computer and put it in my laptop to prove it worked on their system - my idea, not IT's) they volunteered to give me a new room. King size bed instead of the queen I'd had. I lose my lovely view of the flowering tree, but I also lose the smell of the sushi and throw-up that I just couldn't get out of that other room. I figure it's a darn solid trade. I ate an unhealthy but felt good to my tummy dinner (fried chicken breast & mashed potatoes) that has filled me up so I'll sleep great tonight to start my first 100% fresh day at the office.
Off to sleep shortly to begin my newer and healthier day. It can't come soon enough...
I'm hoping for a fresh start in hotel room #2 in my great "new job" adventure. Why a fresh start you may ask? Let's review.
#1 - My flight was late. About 30 min late. Not huge except the flight was already coming in SO late at night. It touched down about midnight.
#2 - My bag was the last one sent out from my flight. Maybe not last, but the crowds were gone. I think there was one guy left besides me...
#3 - The rental car wasn't in the right place. I was going up and down the levels until I finally found it myself - no help from the folks who worked there.
#4 - The GPS didn't work and I had no other back up directions because FOR ONCE I put my faith in having everything work out the was supposed to work.
#5 - Because I have to unpack before I can go to bed (though frankly that only takes 15-20 min max) I didn't lay down in bed until a bit after 2. And because I had just been running all over town, I was SO awake. It was well after 2:30am by the time I got to sleep.
#6 - The alarm went off at 5:30am. I was pretty exhausted through my first day at my first job. I caught my head bobbing a few times during a VERY important meeting. Great first impression...
#7 - I find out the internet in my room isn't working. The hotel and internet folks blame my laptop, and as it's new, I can't say anything. My first impression with IT will now be the girl who can't even make her internet work. Nice.
#8 - Trying to make my first day a bit better I stop in for some supplies at Trader Joe's. Decided to grab some pre-made food for dinner - healthy and cheap so the company should appreciate it. While I love Trader Joe's and will not stop shopping there - I got food poisoning eating the shrimp.
#9 - Day 2 of work I am late because I'm to busy throwing up and crapping I can't even make it into the shower. I finally make it in to work and spend the rest of my day running into the bathroom 2-3 times an hour until there is just nothing else to come out.
#10 - After Day 2, my plan is to come home, rest for a bit and then read through the benefit information I've been given. Heck no. I'm totally exhausted now and have a serious case of the chills. All I can do is crank up the heater, put on my jogging suit and crash out under the covers. I was basically out for the rest of the night.
#11 - I wake up on Day 3 too exhausted to get out of bed when the alarm goes off. I feel like I've been beaten up in a back alley - but from the inside out. I can't move without it hurting everywhere. I tell myself I'll sleep for 30 more minutes.
#12 - I am 2 hours late for work because I overslept. Didn't wake up until a girl from work called me to make sure I was ok after yesterday. Nice.
After finally getting to work and promising myself that today would be a different day - it was. I was able to take back some control. Learn a bit more. Talk to IT in an educated way about what I learned and what I needed. I had a fiber bar for breakfast and healthy Subway for lunch. After some fancy footwork with the Hotel proving to them the internet issue was their issue and not mine (pulled out the internet cable from their business center computer and put it in my laptop to prove it worked on their system - my idea, not IT's) they volunteered to give me a new room. King size bed instead of the queen I'd had. I lose my lovely view of the flowering tree, but I also lose the smell of the sushi and throw-up that I just couldn't get out of that other room. I figure it's a darn solid trade. I ate an unhealthy but felt good to my tummy dinner (fried chicken breast & mashed potatoes) that has filled me up so I'll sleep great tonight to start my first 100% fresh day at the office.
Off to sleep shortly to begin my newer and healthier day. It can't come soon enough...
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Walking for health
There is a great organization out there called the Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization. While other groups work to find a cure in the future, Y-ME's focus is on providing help to those who are fighting breast cancer today. Their 24 hour support line staffed by others who have beat cancer is absolutely invaluable. Their other services are equally amazing - but the best part is that they are all provided at absolutely no cost. Everything is funded through our personal fundraising. Y-ME has been around for 30 years
Last year I wanted to participate in their annual Walk to Empower. I had friends participating. The Girlfriend was walking in it too. But I didn't. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to complete it. And who wants to be the fat girl sitting on the side of the street out of breath while the walking grannies speed walk right past you? Not me.
This year, I've registered to walk. Losing that weight (so far) and my trips to the gym (though recently those are a fond memory) has made me confident that I'll be able to finish this one.
I really encourage everyone to learn more about Y-ME. They really are an amazing organization. And if you're reading this before Mothers Day 2008, feel free to support me in the walk too. Because really, it's not supporting me so much as it is contributing to this great organization. My personal page, where you can also find out more about Y-ME, is http://main.y-me.org/goto/healthyorbust .
Let's keep focused on being healthy and keeping others healthy. One step at a time.
Last year I wanted to participate in their annual Walk to Empower. I had friends participating. The Girlfriend was walking in it too. But I didn't. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to complete it. And who wants to be the fat girl sitting on the side of the street out of breath while the walking grannies speed walk right past you? Not me.
This year, I've registered to walk. Losing that weight (so far) and my trips to the gym (though recently those are a fond memory) has made me confident that I'll be able to finish this one.
I really encourage everyone to learn more about Y-ME. They really are an amazing organization. And if you're reading this before Mothers Day 2008, feel free to support me in the walk too. Because really, it's not supporting me so much as it is contributing to this great organization. My personal page, where you can also find out more about Y-ME, is http://main.y-me.org/goto/healthyorbust .
Let's keep focused on being healthy and keeping others healthy. One step at a time.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Grasping the sweet, sweet carrot
How long have I wanted a job where I could telecommute? So long. We can fondly remember the (lies) dreams once discussed at a prior job, and it was regularly held out as a carrot encouraging me to wait a bit longer, work a bit harder, hold on just a few more weeks. But we all know what happened there, right? A big whopping nothing followed by no job at all either.
But the whole world has changed. I have the carrot. In fact, right now it's feeling so good it's like carrot cake. Sweet - so sweet.
I was offered and I have accepted the job where I'll be 100% telecommuting from home.
[Woo hoo! Ahhhhhh!!! The crowd goes wild!!!]
Yea, I'll be killing some serious carbon emissions with the travel I'll be doing, but it's something, right? I've already thought about looking into carbon offsets but I think it's a bit too soon for that.
I fly back there in 2 weeks to learn their systems and get a good feeling for how they run their systems. I'm already a bit scared that they have me down as spending just a week there. Eek! I'd really like to make it 2 weeks, but we'll see...
So - one goal achieved. And yet, is it? We'll have to see how much flying I actually do to know how it all balances out. But for now - the carrot is mine.
Long live the carrot.
But the whole world has changed. I have the carrot. In fact, right now it's feeling so good it's like carrot cake. Sweet - so sweet.
I was offered and I have accepted the job where I'll be 100% telecommuting from home.
[Woo hoo! Ahhhhhh!!! The crowd goes wild!!!]
Yea, I'll be killing some serious carbon emissions with the travel I'll be doing, but it's something, right? I've already thought about looking into carbon offsets but I think it's a bit too soon for that.
I fly back there in 2 weeks to learn their systems and get a good feeling for how they run their systems. I'm already a bit scared that they have me down as spending just a week there. Eek! I'd really like to make it 2 weeks, but we'll see...
So - one goal achieved. And yet, is it? We'll have to see how much flying I actually do to know how it all balances out. But for now - the carrot is mine.
Long live the carrot.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Not so focused
A few dinners out. A weekend of bad hotel/interview food. That's apparently all it takes to gain 2 lbs. 196 looked so nice on the way down, but after 194 it looked downright evil. I hated 196. The only thing that scared me more was the prospect of seeing a 2 again! EEEK!!
I've tried to be good, but I have NOT been as good as I once was. Bad food in the house. Dinner out with friends. Unable to easily track my food at work (and since I generally have no time to even cook decent food, where would I get the time to track food?) or any other time. It's been slow, but I got 194 back and held on to it. Today I saw 193. It's day 1 so completely unofficial, but I have my fingers crossed to see it tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow we're doing lunch with her aunt at a The Farm at South Mountain. Unknown calories, but all about natural, organic and healthy living. It makes me happy every time I go. Not so bad. Dinner on the other hand is with The Aunt who lived with us for the last year. It's a thank you dinner for help over the last year and for moving all of her stuff. Smothered pork chops, rice and gravy. I don't anticipate a vegetable - though if I know here there MIGHT be one covered in cheese or overly cooked with butter and salt. That said - I'm not anticipating to be 193 on Monday. But wouldn't it be a nice surprise Mr. Scale???
The girlfriend told me that this is her LAST unhealthy weekend. I know I've heard it before, but I have higher hopes this time. Her "buddy" who supports/encourages beer drinking and less-healthy dinner outings is joining a work based weight loss contest with money on the line. If her Buddy stays on track, I'm thinking my sweetie will as well. Well, at least most of the time. I can confirm that these will be my last smothered or fried pork chops for a long, long time. Gotta get serious. Have to find a way to start tracking better again. Have to find a new job so I can actually make it to the gym again. Have to stay focused.
Focus in my personal life has never been my greatest skill, but writing it down helps. My next quick goal is to be 18_. I'm SO close - but I've been close for a long time. Have to get it. Have to reach a goal to remind myself how great it feels to get there. And how hard you push for the next one. Focus. Focus. Focus. Or something like that.
I've tried to be good, but I have NOT been as good as I once was. Bad food in the house. Dinner out with friends. Unable to easily track my food at work (and since I generally have no time to even cook decent food, where would I get the time to track food?) or any other time. It's been slow, but I got 194 back and held on to it. Today I saw 193. It's day 1 so completely unofficial, but I have my fingers crossed to see it tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow we're doing lunch with her aunt at a The Farm at South Mountain. Unknown calories, but all about natural, organic and healthy living. It makes me happy every time I go. Not so bad. Dinner on the other hand is with The Aunt who lived with us for the last year. It's a thank you dinner for help over the last year and for moving all of her stuff. Smothered pork chops, rice and gravy. I don't anticipate a vegetable - though if I know here there MIGHT be one covered in cheese or overly cooked with butter and salt. That said - I'm not anticipating to be 193 on Monday. But wouldn't it be a nice surprise Mr. Scale???
The girlfriend told me that this is her LAST unhealthy weekend. I know I've heard it before, but I have higher hopes this time. Her "buddy" who supports/encourages beer drinking and less-healthy dinner outings is joining a work based weight loss contest with money on the line. If her Buddy stays on track, I'm thinking my sweetie will as well. Well, at least most of the time. I can confirm that these will be my last smothered or fried pork chops for a long, long time. Gotta get serious. Have to find a way to start tracking better again. Have to find a new job so I can actually make it to the gym again. Have to stay focused.
Focus in my personal life has never been my greatest skill, but writing it down helps. My next quick goal is to be 18_. I'm SO close - but I've been close for a long time. Have to get it. Have to reach a goal to remind myself how great it feels to get there. And how hard you push for the next one. Focus. Focus. Focus. Or something like that.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tick, Tick, Tick...
I once thought the biological clock was absolutely the loudest one around. I have discovered that there is a louder internal clock. The "Did I get a job that will let me telecommute?" internal clock.
I called my house 4 times today to check messages. I actually logged into my email once today to see if they sent anything over. Logged into email at work!!!! Can you imagine???
The day was a blur. All I remember is "Did they call yet?" and "Do you think they've called yet?" followed, once I found out they hadn't called, by "When do I think they'll call?". I was a mess.
But a happy mess. I think I did well in the interviews. The last person I met with said I'd impressed the other folks who met with me. In fact, he said I dazzled them. We'll see. Did I impress them enough for me to telecommute? That's what it's all about. I left there with a feeling that if I was local, the job could have been mine. But as I have no interest in moving to Ohio any time soon, and The Girlfriend has made it clear that she has NO interest in returning to Ohio EVER - I think we'll just have to see if they were willing to take me from here.
Deep breath. One more. Maybe one more. Repeat. After several more sets of the same I start to chill just a bit. In with the good air, out with the stressed air.
Whoooooooooooooooooo......
I called my house 4 times today to check messages. I actually logged into my email once today to see if they sent anything over. Logged into email at work!!!! Can you imagine???
The day was a blur. All I remember is "Did they call yet?" and "Do you think they've called yet?" followed, once I found out they hadn't called, by "When do I think they'll call?". I was a mess.
But a happy mess. I think I did well in the interviews. The last person I met with said I'd impressed the other folks who met with me. In fact, he said I dazzled them. We'll see. Did I impress them enough for me to telecommute? That's what it's all about. I left there with a feeling that if I was local, the job could have been mine. But as I have no interest in moving to Ohio any time soon, and The Girlfriend has made it clear that she has NO interest in returning to Ohio EVER - I think we'll just have to see if they were willing to take me from here.
Deep breath. One more. Maybe one more. Repeat. After several more sets of the same I start to chill just a bit. In with the good air, out with the stressed air.
Whoooooooooooooooooo......
Thursday, March 27, 2008
This morning I got up, went to the airport and got on a plane. I'm in Ohio right now. Flight was good. (Thanks for asking) But this post isn't just about the destination - it's about the journey.
So as you'll remember, I was out of work about a while ago. Got a new job about a month ago and while I can make it work out just fine - it's not my dream job and I'm not their dream employee. We both know it, and we went into the relationship with open eyes. About a week ago I got an email from a friend about a job she thought I might like. Doing something I've done before - something I know how to do pretty darn well. She thinks it might be a good match. But how would I feel about telecommuting?
How would I feel? How would I feel??? I'd be pretty darn out of my mind excited. Healthy food choices. Ability to do a few things around the house during "lunch". Easier access to the gym. And let's talk about the money I'd be saving on gas - which is getting more expensive every day. Yea - I think I'm ok with telecommuting.
So after a phone interview with the company they decide to fly me out for an interview. I've never been flown anywhere for an interview before and feels like such a compliment. They could be flying out 20 people, but I'm still taking it as a compliment.
I'm feeling a bit more confident in my newer slimmer self so I'm less scared about the face to face. I like my new size 18 suits. Interesting observation - I was able to pack everything I needed in just my overnight bag and my regular purse. Including a thick trench coat (that I bought big from the thrift store when I was a size 9 and just realized I can finally button it up again...), 3 pairs of shoes and my suit. I've tried to do that before and it never worked. Never. I have decided it fits better because the clothes are smaller. Might not be true, but it certainly made me feel better.
Then, when picking out my "wear to the air port and get picked up by an employee of the company" outfit, found one that was fun, modern and professional. I looked semi-hot. Well, maybe a bit more than semi-hot as I was getting several of "those" looks today. The guy who normally yells at folks to put their shoes in the basket was complimenting me on my shoes and calling me sweetie - while giving me one of "those" smiles. I almost forgot how much I missed things like that.
Then, when finally on the plane - I fit in the chair without touching the guy next to me. Sure, our elbows touched now and then, but my thigh stayed on its own cushion. My butt didn't push at the arm rests the way it used to do. Wearing a shirt that was pretty fitted around the waist, some "hugs the curves" jeans and high heels - I was actually comfortable on the plane. Really comfortable. Not just kinda comfortable. Completely.
Tonight I had my first contact with folks from the company. Not once in any of those conversations did my mind drift to the fact that I was too fat for the job, or that I would be judged by my weight. These are things that used to haunt me all the time - especially in situations like this where you KNOW the person is looking for faults.
In no way am I thin. Not even close. But what a difference 40 lbs makes.
Tomorrow is the big interview day - from 10:30am until 4:30pm. I'm going to be judged, poked and prodded. Luckily, there's 40 lbs less to judge, 40 lbs less to poke and prod. And if they like what they see - Mama gets to telecommute. Oh yea baby.
Fingers crossed...
So as you'll remember, I was out of work about a while ago. Got a new job about a month ago and while I can make it work out just fine - it's not my dream job and I'm not their dream employee. We both know it, and we went into the relationship with open eyes. About a week ago I got an email from a friend about a job she thought I might like. Doing something I've done before - something I know how to do pretty darn well. She thinks it might be a good match. But how would I feel about telecommuting?
How would I feel? How would I feel??? I'd be pretty darn out of my mind excited. Healthy food choices. Ability to do a few things around the house during "lunch". Easier access to the gym. And let's talk about the money I'd be saving on gas - which is getting more expensive every day. Yea - I think I'm ok with telecommuting.
So after a phone interview with the company they decide to fly me out for an interview. I've never been flown anywhere for an interview before and feels like such a compliment. They could be flying out 20 people, but I'm still taking it as a compliment.
I'm feeling a bit more confident in my newer slimmer self so I'm less scared about the face to face. I like my new size 18 suits. Interesting observation - I was able to pack everything I needed in just my overnight bag and my regular purse. Including a thick trench coat (that I bought big from the thrift store when I was a size 9 and just realized I can finally button it up again...), 3 pairs of shoes and my suit. I've tried to do that before and it never worked. Never. I have decided it fits better because the clothes are smaller. Might not be true, but it certainly made me feel better.
Then, when picking out my "wear to the air port and get picked up by an employee of the company" outfit, found one that was fun, modern and professional. I looked semi-hot. Well, maybe a bit more than semi-hot as I was getting several of "those" looks today. The guy who normally yells at folks to put their shoes in the basket was complimenting me on my shoes and calling me sweetie - while giving me one of "those" smiles. I almost forgot how much I missed things like that.
Then, when finally on the plane - I fit in the chair without touching the guy next to me. Sure, our elbows touched now and then, but my thigh stayed on its own cushion. My butt didn't push at the arm rests the way it used to do. Wearing a shirt that was pretty fitted around the waist, some "hugs the curves" jeans and high heels - I was actually comfortable on the plane. Really comfortable. Not just kinda comfortable. Completely.
Tonight I had my first contact with folks from the company. Not once in any of those conversations did my mind drift to the fact that I was too fat for the job, or that I would be judged by my weight. These are things that used to haunt me all the time - especially in situations like this where you KNOW the person is looking for faults.
In no way am I thin. Not even close. But what a difference 40 lbs makes.
Tomorrow is the big interview day - from 10:30am until 4:30pm. I'm going to be judged, poked and prodded. Luckily, there's 40 lbs less to judge, 40 lbs less to poke and prod. And if they like what they see - Mama gets to telecommute. Oh yea baby.
Fingers crossed...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I think I'm showing
I've had several comments over the last week about how thin I'm looking. While I think this is a hilarious farce of reality - I accept that it is all said with love from my friends to whom the thin and/or skinny references simply mean "less than before". Were I to actually show up suddenly skinny on the doorstep of any of my friends I believe they would all hold me down until the ambulance could arrive - that is, if they could even recognize me.
But as I was saying oh, so subtly, I'm not skinny. I'm not thin. But I think I'm finally "showing" that I've lost some weight. The Girlfriend was reading my friend's blog the other day and when looking at an older post she saw a picture of me and actually called me into the room to talk about it. She said that while she knew I'd lost weight, and she sees it in all the right places (cough, cough) she hadn't really looked at a picture of me from before the weight loss. She had me sit near the desk so she could look back and forth and said it was pretty shocking. When I looked at it - I can honestly say I saw it too. It wasn't as "oh my goodness" as it was for her, but there was clearly a difference. For the better. That was nice.
I'm still a "big girl". I still feel like I've lost so relatively little that it's not even worth mentioning half the time. Like taking 2 bites out of a foot long sandwich - there's still a LOT more where that came from. (Of course a food reference from the fat girl...) But, even I feel different about being able to say I've lost 40 lbs than I did about say 25. 40 lbs is SOMETHING. 40 lbs is something you see listed on magazine covers. It's something that you'd be really impressed with if it was someone else. But in this case it's not. It's just me. Me - 40 lbs lighter than when I started.
Makes me feel a bit lighter just thinking about it. Wonder how I'll feel after I've lost the next 40? Personally, being less than 180 seems so almost unrealistic. I can hardly even push to imagine what being 160 will be like. Seems so far away. Sort of like when I was imagining what it would be like to be under 200. But here I am....
Dreaming the impossible dream. Fighting the unwinnable foe and, oh so slowly, winning.
But as I was saying oh, so subtly, I'm not skinny. I'm not thin. But I think I'm finally "showing" that I've lost some weight. The Girlfriend was reading my friend's blog the other day and when looking at an older post she saw a picture of me and actually called me into the room to talk about it. She said that while she knew I'd lost weight, and she sees it in all the right places (cough, cough) she hadn't really looked at a picture of me from before the weight loss. She had me sit near the desk so she could look back and forth and said it was pretty shocking. When I looked at it - I can honestly say I saw it too. It wasn't as "oh my goodness" as it was for her, but there was clearly a difference. For the better. That was nice.
I'm still a "big girl". I still feel like I've lost so relatively little that it's not even worth mentioning half the time. Like taking 2 bites out of a foot long sandwich - there's still a LOT more where that came from. (Of course a food reference from the fat girl...) But, even I feel different about being able to say I've lost 40 lbs than I did about say 25. 40 lbs is SOMETHING. 40 lbs is something you see listed on magazine covers. It's something that you'd be really impressed with if it was someone else. But in this case it's not. It's just me. Me - 40 lbs lighter than when I started.
Makes me feel a bit lighter just thinking about it. Wonder how I'll feel after I've lost the next 40? Personally, being less than 180 seems so almost unrealistic. I can hardly even push to imagine what being 160 will be like. Seems so far away. Sort of like when I was imagining what it would be like to be under 200. But here I am....
Dreaming the impossible dream. Fighting the unwinnable foe and, oh so slowly, winning.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Feeling it again
My focus was gone. But it is back. It is so back.
I am feeling the bones in my hands in a new way when I wash my hands. The other day it hit me that it felt "different". My first mental image was that I was washing someone else's hands. They were so... skeletal? I'm still fat for sure, but my hands felt downright dainty.
That same day when washing my face in the shower I really "felt" my jaw line and cheek bones. Was it my gently diminishing face or my newly skeletal hands?
And last week I had my arms crossed and it hit me that the meaty part of my arm right below my elbow felt much smaller. I still had tons to squeeze of course, but it felt a bit mushier. More on it's way out than previously.
Yesterday, it was something new. My upper legs. Siting in a, well, familiar seat were one often sits without pants I was struck that something looked "different". It was my fat. My fat looked different in my upper leg. Less all one chunk, and a bit more loose and ready to move. It's a pattern I've noticed in other parts of my body. First, the fat "loosens up" a bit - then it just goes away. Well, it at least changes a bit. Still fat. Still clear on that. Still have miles and miles to go. But I have a few less steps. Today is my 3rd day at 194. Ya know what that means? 40 pounds. That is so insane to me. Completely unrealistic. Almost as bizarre as how lose my pants have become. I never would have believed it was possible.
I slipped. I lost focus. I never gave up, and I'm actually pretty proud of that. I just temporarily took my eye off the ball.
It's back, baby. It's back.
Next stop? Size 16. What was once an impossible dream is now my next realistic goal. So bring it on. I'm ready. I'm up for the fight. Me and my skeletal hands will take you down one glass of water at a time.
I am feeling the bones in my hands in a new way when I wash my hands. The other day it hit me that it felt "different". My first mental image was that I was washing someone else's hands. They were so... skeletal? I'm still fat for sure, but my hands felt downright dainty.
That same day when washing my face in the shower I really "felt" my jaw line and cheek bones. Was it my gently diminishing face or my newly skeletal hands?
And last week I had my arms crossed and it hit me that the meaty part of my arm right below my elbow felt much smaller. I still had tons to squeeze of course, but it felt a bit mushier. More on it's way out than previously.
Yesterday, it was something new. My upper legs. Siting in a, well, familiar seat were one often sits without pants I was struck that something looked "different". It was my fat. My fat looked different in my upper leg. Less all one chunk, and a bit more loose and ready to move. It's a pattern I've noticed in other parts of my body. First, the fat "loosens up" a bit - then it just goes away. Well, it at least changes a bit. Still fat. Still clear on that. Still have miles and miles to go. But I have a few less steps. Today is my 3rd day at 194. Ya know what that means? 40 pounds. That is so insane to me. Completely unrealistic. Almost as bizarre as how lose my pants have become. I never would have believed it was possible.
I slipped. I lost focus. I never gave up, and I'm actually pretty proud of that. I just temporarily took my eye off the ball.
It's back, baby. It's back.
Next stop? Size 16. What was once an impossible dream is now my next realistic goal. So bring it on. I'm ready. I'm up for the fight. Me and my skeletal hands will take you down one glass of water at a time.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Popcorn sins
Frickin' popcorn smell....
I walk into my house after a long hard day, hoping that there will be dinner waiting for me or ready shortly. Instead I smell the popcorn. Normally I can avoid it, but today I was hungry. Half a bag of popcorn later - I am aware I've had my first semi-mindless cheat. I slipped oh so quickly into that old mindset of "not thinking" about food. When I grew up popcorn was a healthy snack. In today's world of microwaved butter and salt with popcorn on the side - it's not so healthy.
But dang it tasted good. My lips are still burning a bit from the salt. But in a good way. Mmmmm...
Then I realize it's 8:30pm, I haven't eaten real dinner yet and I need to go to bed in about 90 minutes to an hour.
Crap. Not a great choice. But I didn't finish the bag of popcorn. And in a few minutes I'm going to get a glass of water and search for some fruit. Hmmm....Popcorn and canned peaches. Corn and peaches. Veggies and fruit. Sounds healthy to me.
At least for tonight...
I walk into my house after a long hard day, hoping that there will be dinner waiting for me or ready shortly. Instead I smell the popcorn. Normally I can avoid it, but today I was hungry. Half a bag of popcorn later - I am aware I've had my first semi-mindless cheat. I slipped oh so quickly into that old mindset of "not thinking" about food. When I grew up popcorn was a healthy snack. In today's world of microwaved butter and salt with popcorn on the side - it's not so healthy.
But dang it tasted good. My lips are still burning a bit from the salt. But in a good way. Mmmmm...
Then I realize it's 8:30pm, I haven't eaten real dinner yet and I need to go to bed in about 90 minutes to an hour.
Crap. Not a great choice. But I didn't finish the bag of popcorn. And in a few minutes I'm going to get a glass of water and search for some fruit. Hmmm....Popcorn and canned peaches. Corn and peaches. Veggies and fruit. Sounds healthy to me.
At least for tonight...
Monday, March 10, 2008
I could have had a V8 - and a nap
I'm missing 3 things in my life: Fruit, Veggies and Sleep.
Breakfast is a bar on the way in to work about 6:15am. Lunch is something frozen from a box - if I'm lucky enough to get a lunch. Dinner is whatever I have the strength to throw together when I'm often not getting home until 7:30 at night. And I try to be in bed by 10, and sleeping by 10:30. It's 10:58 and I'm still fully dressed and on the computer. Then again, I didn't get home until 8:15, dinner wasn't until 9pm. Is it wrong that I didn't want to go right to bed? I don't think so. When my alarm goes off at 4:45am, I may change my mind.
I've tried a few times to bring fruit to work. Doesn't work really well. I'm thinking I need to change tactics. Maybe a bowl of grapes? One bite at a time vs. the commitment of a rapidly browning apple as I'm on the phone with an upset client. It's not a bad idea, but considering it took me almost 20 minutes to crack open a yogurt that had been sitting just inches from me at my desk doesn't make me to hopeful. But I've got to try something as I know it's my biggest fault. Fiber has started slacking too - but the Kashi TLC bar each morning helps. I'm not where I was, but I'm doing SO much better than I could be doing, and I have to appreciate that.
I'm back to 196 officially. Very happy about that. I keep thinking about what I'm not doing, not getting, not living up to - but I have to remember it's a long process, and this is a bumpy part of the road. I need to be excited that I'm still ON the road - not complain about how I'm getting there.
On a lighter note...
This little blog post will be dedicated to The Aunt. Yes, to The Aunt who can't say "healthy food" or "organic" without making a face like she sucked on a lemon. To The Aunt who thinks I'm kinda funny because I care what goes in the recycle container. The Aunt who has lived with us for over a year now. Officially as of today The Aunt found a place to live. She moves in the first weekend in April. We have loved her living with us, and truly have no major complaints. But it will be nice to have the house to ourselves again. And nice to have her stop buying ice cream and toppings - encouraging us to join her for "Sundae Sundays".
Here's to you.
Breakfast is a bar on the way in to work about 6:15am. Lunch is something frozen from a box - if I'm lucky enough to get a lunch. Dinner is whatever I have the strength to throw together when I'm often not getting home until 7:30 at night. And I try to be in bed by 10, and sleeping by 10:30. It's 10:58 and I'm still fully dressed and on the computer. Then again, I didn't get home until 8:15, dinner wasn't until 9pm. Is it wrong that I didn't want to go right to bed? I don't think so. When my alarm goes off at 4:45am, I may change my mind.
I've tried a few times to bring fruit to work. Doesn't work really well. I'm thinking I need to change tactics. Maybe a bowl of grapes? One bite at a time vs. the commitment of a rapidly browning apple as I'm on the phone with an upset client. It's not a bad idea, but considering it took me almost 20 minutes to crack open a yogurt that had been sitting just inches from me at my desk doesn't make me to hopeful. But I've got to try something as I know it's my biggest fault. Fiber has started slacking too - but the Kashi TLC bar each morning helps. I'm not where I was, but I'm doing SO much better than I could be doing, and I have to appreciate that.
I'm back to 196 officially. Very happy about that. I keep thinking about what I'm not doing, not getting, not living up to - but I have to remember it's a long process, and this is a bumpy part of the road. I need to be excited that I'm still ON the road - not complain about how I'm getting there.
On a lighter note...
This little blog post will be dedicated to The Aunt. Yes, to The Aunt who can't say "healthy food" or "organic" without making a face like she sucked on a lemon. To The Aunt who thinks I'm kinda funny because I care what goes in the recycle container. The Aunt who has lived with us for over a year now. Officially as of today The Aunt found a place to live. She moves in the first weekend in April. We have loved her living with us, and truly have no major complaints. But it will be nice to have the house to ourselves again. And nice to have her stop buying ice cream and toppings - encouraging us to join her for "Sundae Sundays".
Here's to you.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
"Working" on food issues
My job is bad for me.
I don't just mean the back aches, the eye strain, the lack of sleep or the risks of angering one of the large men with power tools. I'm talking about something much more important.
Food.
I haven't taken a lunch in 2 days. Yesterday I brought a yogurt to my desk to eat. Today I was able to get in a yogurt AND a granola bar while I worked through my 12 hour day without a single break.
Some of this is going to be because I'm new. It takes so much more time to do what you need when every hour has 10-15 minutes of waiting to get an answer.
Today I walked to the kitchen, held my frozen meal in my hands, stared at it a moment and then put it back into the freezer. I grabbed my yogurt and even that sat on my desk at least 20 minutes before I could crack the thing open. How in the world did I begin to think I had time to wait 5 minutes for the microwave - followed by at least 10 minutes away from my desk?
When I came home I had a semi-healthy meal (pre-prepared healthy frozen dinner for 2) and a big glass of this super fruit juice with tons of good stuff in it. Still not really enough calories. And I've had 1/2 of a big glass of water all day. I know I should be drinking some right now, but I couldn't quite bring myself to walk across the house and stand up while the water pours out. It's pretty bad. I'm exhausted.
Then again, not eating enough, not drinking enough, and not getting enough sleep are all bad for my weight. Sigh... Time to walk to the kitchen (daily exercise), pour/drink a glass of water (hydration) and go to bed. No one ever said it would be easy...
I don't just mean the back aches, the eye strain, the lack of sleep or the risks of angering one of the large men with power tools. I'm talking about something much more important.
Food.
I haven't taken a lunch in 2 days. Yesterday I brought a yogurt to my desk to eat. Today I was able to get in a yogurt AND a granola bar while I worked through my 12 hour day without a single break.
Some of this is going to be because I'm new. It takes so much more time to do what you need when every hour has 10-15 minutes of waiting to get an answer.
Today I walked to the kitchen, held my frozen meal in my hands, stared at it a moment and then put it back into the freezer. I grabbed my yogurt and even that sat on my desk at least 20 minutes before I could crack the thing open. How in the world did I begin to think I had time to wait 5 minutes for the microwave - followed by at least 10 minutes away from my desk?
When I came home I had a semi-healthy meal (pre-prepared healthy frozen dinner for 2) and a big glass of this super fruit juice with tons of good stuff in it. Still not really enough calories. And I've had 1/2 of a big glass of water all day. I know I should be drinking some right now, but I couldn't quite bring myself to walk across the house and stand up while the water pours out. It's pretty bad. I'm exhausted.
Then again, not eating enough, not drinking enough, and not getting enough sleep are all bad for my weight. Sigh... Time to walk to the kitchen (daily exercise), pour/drink a glass of water (hydration) and go to bed. No one ever said it would be easy...
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Shifting gears
Time flies without a computer.
In my new job I'm not allowed online. No IM. No email. Nothing personal. Certainly no tracking the food I eat. I'm allowed to google directions for customers - but that's about it. And of course, at home this computer is shared between 3 of us so access isn't unlimited. And let's be honest - those healthy meals aren't going to cook themselves, so pretty much I am lucky to get 30 min of internet time a day on average. I went from checking 3 email accounts several times a day, to being lucky if I checked 1-2 of them at least once a week. It's killing me slowly - but I know it's better than being bored out of my mind with nothing but time to kill at a job with an ax hanging over my head. Long term employment is always the better option.
Quick overview. Being sick sucked. I ate nothing. I tracked every day and there were many days that I barely at 600 calories. After about 2 weeks of that, I moved up to 1100 - 1300 a day and actually gained 2 lbs. Pissed me off. So I decided to do a "reset" weekend. Let myself eat some of the things I'd wanted. Go to the restaurants I've dreamed of going to, but of course wouldn't have nutritional info. Only did that for a weekend. By that Monday I was 202. Eeek! But then I went back to healthy all that week and by Friday I was 198 again. Until... I got a rare opportunity to go out w/ a friend to a funky restaurant for dinner, and then another spot for dessert, and then another spot for a cocktail. How could I say no? So I didn't. That was last Friday, and as of today I'm 200 again. Sigh....
As for the gym, I haven't gone since being laid off. I should have gone since I had all that time, but I had too much stress. I would have felt guilty for taking the time at the gym when I could have been hunting for jobs. Now with the new job I haven't fallen quite into the pattern of going. And it's now much more out of the way. Hoping we can get into a new pattern of going in the next week or two. Ok - hope sounds nice, but action gets you there. I'm going to say that within 2 weeks I will be going to the gym again at least 2 times a week. I think that's a good plan.
Now if I only had a plan for how to spend more time online...
In my new job I'm not allowed online. No IM. No email. Nothing personal. Certainly no tracking the food I eat. I'm allowed to google directions for customers - but that's about it. And of course, at home this computer is shared between 3 of us so access isn't unlimited. And let's be honest - those healthy meals aren't going to cook themselves, so pretty much I am lucky to get 30 min of internet time a day on average. I went from checking 3 email accounts several times a day, to being lucky if I checked 1-2 of them at least once a week. It's killing me slowly - but I know it's better than being bored out of my mind with nothing but time to kill at a job with an ax hanging over my head. Long term employment is always the better option.
Quick overview. Being sick sucked. I ate nothing. I tracked every day and there were many days that I barely at 600 calories. After about 2 weeks of that, I moved up to 1100 - 1300 a day and actually gained 2 lbs. Pissed me off. So I decided to do a "reset" weekend. Let myself eat some of the things I'd wanted. Go to the restaurants I've dreamed of going to, but of course wouldn't have nutritional info. Only did that for a weekend. By that Monday I was 202. Eeek! But then I went back to healthy all that week and by Friday I was 198 again. Until... I got a rare opportunity to go out w/ a friend to a funky restaurant for dinner, and then another spot for dessert, and then another spot for a cocktail. How could I say no? So I didn't. That was last Friday, and as of today I'm 200 again. Sigh....
As for the gym, I haven't gone since being laid off. I should have gone since I had all that time, but I had too much stress. I would have felt guilty for taking the time at the gym when I could have been hunting for jobs. Now with the new job I haven't fallen quite into the pattern of going. And it's now much more out of the way. Hoping we can get into a new pattern of going in the next week or two. Ok - hope sounds nice, but action gets you there. I'm going to say that within 2 weeks I will be going to the gym again at least 2 times a week. I think that's a good plan.
Now if I only had a plan for how to spend more time online...
Monday, February 18, 2008
No longer unemployed but...
I have a job. I start in 2 days.
I have nothing to wear.
I know this sounds like the normal "girly" thing, but after losing (as of today) 37 pounds, most everything is loose AND since all 3 of the folks who interviewed me were wearing jeans I know that most of my office wear would be completely out of place. I have 1 pair of jeans that fit. Everything else I've bought at this size is office wear.
While this is a nicer problem to have than outgrowing all my clothes, those same first impression rules still apply. I'm sure I'll be able to throw together at least a week of outfits. Hopefully no one will care if I'm a smidge over dressed...
On a different note - I just noticed that it's 1:39pm and I still haven't eaten anything or had a glass of water. I've been kinda bad the last week or so. I try to be better, but with being sick (Soooo sick since Tuesday...) I don't want to eat anything. I'm not hungry and plain water kinda makes me sick. I'm going to go make myself eat something healthy, but I can't promise that I'll like it. I know I have to keep eating if I want to lose more. Bizarre as that would have sounded to me not so long ago, I understand why it's true.
PS. The Girlfriend said she's going to start tracking her food today on The Daily Plate. She decided to do it once I broke the 200 mark. But then gave herself a free week. A last hurrah. We'll see if it actually happens. I won't push as this has to be something she chooses to do for herself. Fingers crossed.
I have nothing to wear.
I know this sounds like the normal "girly" thing, but after losing (as of today) 37 pounds, most everything is loose AND since all 3 of the folks who interviewed me were wearing jeans I know that most of my office wear would be completely out of place. I have 1 pair of jeans that fit. Everything else I've bought at this size is office wear.
While this is a nicer problem to have than outgrowing all my clothes, those same first impression rules still apply. I'm sure I'll be able to throw together at least a week of outfits. Hopefully no one will care if I'm a smidge over dressed...
On a different note - I just noticed that it's 1:39pm and I still haven't eaten anything or had a glass of water. I've been kinda bad the last week or so. I try to be better, but with being sick (Soooo sick since Tuesday...) I don't want to eat anything. I'm not hungry and plain water kinda makes me sick. I'm going to go make myself eat something healthy, but I can't promise that I'll like it. I know I have to keep eating if I want to lose more. Bizarre as that would have sounded to me not so long ago, I understand why it's true.
PS. The Girlfriend said she's going to start tracking her food today on The Daily Plate. She decided to do it once I broke the 200 mark. But then gave herself a free week. A last hurrah. We'll see if it actually happens. I won't push as this has to be something she chooses to do for herself. Fingers crossed.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
My personal Valentine
I don't "completely" believe it because I've been sick and not eating as well because I'm sleeping half the day away. Then again I kinda do believe it because it's "that time of the month" and I normally gain a pound or two at the beginning. I have good arguments either way.
That said, my rule has always been that if it happens 2 days in a row, it's real. Today, Valentine's Day, is my day 2 under 200. I'm at day two of 196.
Happy Valentine's day Evil Scale! Happy Valentine's day Mr. Measuring Tape!
Happy Valentine's day to me!
That said, my rule has always been that if it happens 2 days in a row, it's real. Today, Valentine's Day, is my day 2 under 200. I'm at day two of 196.
Happy Valentine's day Evil Scale! Happy Valentine's day Mr. Measuring Tape!
Happy Valentine's day to me!
Be my Healthy Valentine
Happy Valentine's day to one and all (all 2 of you)!
Let's talk about making this traditionally pink and red holiday a GREEN one!
Why buy cards, nick nacks and stuffed animals that will soon only serve as space takers, dust collecters and landfill-fillers? Don't tell me you can't be more creative! We passed the same guy selling those on the corner that you did - so why would we be impressed that you stopped? As for those giant hearts filled with chocolate? Sure, we gals love them in theory, but if your special someone is watching their sugar, salt or pounds (even if you love them just the way they are) it can lead to a worse reaction than an honest answer to "Do I look fat in this?" Here's my top 5 list for green Valentines gifts that mean oh so much more than the latest magnetic or animated stuffed animal Hallmark is pushing this year.
1) Do something that they would normally have to do. This year, I'm broke as a joke as I don't have a job. (Yea, still - more on that later.) But the one thing I do have is time. So, after my interview today (woo hoo!) I'm cleaning the bathroom. She normally cleans it, though I know she has no special love for it. Is it romantic? Well, it can be if after cleaning it you light a few special candles around the tub and prepare some options for a lovely bath that night. What you do after that is ALLLL up to you.....
2) Cook something. Sure, a romantic dinner or something sweet is the standard here. Both are generally appreciated of course unless you screw up the recipe, so plan a back up just in case. There are so many other options though. What about this option - make up one of his/her favorite dishes in a huge portion, divide it up into individual serving plastic containers and freeze them. Instead of just one romantc dinner for 2 you're saving them from drive through or boring Lean Cuisine. Those re-usable containers have saved some waste and with your carefully watched home cooking it could also save his/her waist. And every day they take it to work - who will they be thinking of? You of course! Ka-ching!
3) Create something. Sure, if you're they poetry kinda person, you know that nothing drops pants (or panties) faster than a beautiful personally written love poem. A bad love poem will make them laugh, then drop them - so even that isn't usually a bad idea. But say you're more of a "work with your hands" kind of person? The sky is still the limit. Make a desk organizer so she doesn't keep forgetting where she puts her keys (cough, "The Girlfriend", cough, cough...). Make a special frame for a picture of the two of you. Or if you want to get really creative, draw or paint a picture - but special note here, unless your are a formally recognized artistic genius and he/she has loved everything you've ever created, keep it under 11x18, so if he/she loves the thought but the picture is as ugly as sin, it will hide nicely behind her bathroom door. And please - no nudes. Ick.
4) Fix something. Here's where you work with your hands types have a distinct advantage. We all have stuff. And stuff often breaks. If you can fix stuff, you are worth your weight in gold. Or cupcakes or truffles, or whatever else one values at this time of year. New brakes on the car to show how much you care about the saftey of the one you love. A new waist and hem on those pants because all this healthy living means the old clothes were just too darned baggy. Installing a new software program that he/she has always wanted, but could never understand without your big brainy self. You gots skills. We loves skills. But again, a warning, don't try to do something you shouldn't really be doing. 20 years later it might be a funny memory that you burnt down the kitchen on Valentines day when you were trying to re-wire the Mr. Coffee, but you would have to be a lucky, lucky person to make it to the next Valentimes day - much less 20 more...
5) Give something. Ah, giving of yourself is always what people want the most. It means you cared enough to take time to think about the other person's wants and needs when they weren't actively in the room. Everything listed above means you've given something - your time, your talents. This is all about giving that something special that only someone so intimate with their life would know that they really wanted - perhaps before they did themselves. And isn't that what it's really all about? That museum that you hate, but they adore? Take them, act interested (even if you are thinking about something else most of the time), and care about what they have to say. Give some time to a cause they love - give blankets to the homeless, play board games with teens at the after school program, sign up for a walk benefiting their charity, bring flowers to church that week in his/her name. Investing time and interest in something that they love is a gift that will go on far longer than those $9.99 corner roses. Healthier relationship - healthier planet.
Here's wishing you a happy and all-around-healthy Valentine's day!
Let's talk about making this traditionally pink and red holiday a GREEN one!
Why buy cards, nick nacks and stuffed animals that will soon only serve as space takers, dust collecters and landfill-fillers? Don't tell me you can't be more creative! We passed the same guy selling those on the corner that you did - so why would we be impressed that you stopped? As for those giant hearts filled with chocolate? Sure, we gals love them in theory, but if your special someone is watching their sugar, salt or pounds (even if you love them just the way they are) it can lead to a worse reaction than an honest answer to "Do I look fat in this?" Here's my top 5 list for green Valentines gifts that mean oh so much more than the latest magnetic or animated stuffed animal Hallmark is pushing this year.
1) Do something that they would normally have to do. This year, I'm broke as a joke as I don't have a job. (Yea, still - more on that later.) But the one thing I do have is time. So, after my interview today (woo hoo!) I'm cleaning the bathroom. She normally cleans it, though I know she has no special love for it. Is it romantic? Well, it can be if after cleaning it you light a few special candles around the tub and prepare some options for a lovely bath that night. What you do after that is ALLLL up to you.....
2) Cook something. Sure, a romantic dinner or something sweet is the standard here. Both are generally appreciated of course unless you screw up the recipe, so plan a back up just in case. There are so many other options though. What about this option - make up one of his/her favorite dishes in a huge portion, divide it up into individual serving plastic containers and freeze them. Instead of just one romantc dinner for 2 you're saving them from drive through or boring Lean Cuisine. Those re-usable containers have saved some waste and with your carefully watched home cooking it could also save his/her waist. And every day they take it to work - who will they be thinking of? You of course! Ka-ching!
3) Create something. Sure, if you're they poetry kinda person, you know that nothing drops pants (or panties) faster than a beautiful personally written love poem. A bad love poem will make them laugh, then drop them - so even that isn't usually a bad idea. But say you're more of a "work with your hands" kind of person? The sky is still the limit. Make a desk organizer so she doesn't keep forgetting where she puts her keys (cough, "The Girlfriend", cough, cough...). Make a special frame for a picture of the two of you. Or if you want to get really creative, draw or paint a picture - but special note here, unless your are a formally recognized artistic genius and he/she has loved everything you've ever created, keep it under 11x18, so if he/she loves the thought but the picture is as ugly as sin, it will hide nicely behind her bathroom door. And please - no nudes. Ick.
4) Fix something. Here's where you work with your hands types have a distinct advantage. We all have stuff. And stuff often breaks. If you can fix stuff, you are worth your weight in gold. Or cupcakes or truffles, or whatever else one values at this time of year. New brakes on the car to show how much you care about the saftey of the one you love. A new waist and hem on those pants because all this healthy living means the old clothes were just too darned baggy. Installing a new software program that he/she has always wanted, but could never understand without your big brainy self. You gots skills. We loves skills. But again, a warning, don't try to do something you shouldn't really be doing. 20 years later it might be a funny memory that you burnt down the kitchen on Valentines day when you were trying to re-wire the Mr. Coffee, but you would have to be a lucky, lucky person to make it to the next Valentimes day - much less 20 more...
5) Give something. Ah, giving of yourself is always what people want the most. It means you cared enough to take time to think about the other person's wants and needs when they weren't actively in the room. Everything listed above means you've given something - your time, your talents. This is all about giving that something special that only someone so intimate with their life would know that they really wanted - perhaps before they did themselves. And isn't that what it's really all about? That museum that you hate, but they adore? Take them, act interested (even if you are thinking about something else most of the time), and care about what they have to say. Give some time to a cause they love - give blankets to the homeless, play board games with teens at the after school program, sign up for a walk benefiting their charity, bring flowers to church that week in his/her name. Investing time and interest in something that they love is a gift that will go on far longer than those $9.99 corner roses. Healthier relationship - healthier planet.
Here's wishing you a happy and all-around-healthy Valentine's day!
Friday, February 8, 2008
When one door closes...
One week minus 14 hours ago, I was let go. Laid off. No longer need my services. Basically fired as gently as possible. The prior carrot holder had a good enough reason - the group that paid 50% of his income stopped paying. Hard to pay for me when his income drops in half. I get that.
For the last week I've been attempting to balance a healthy attitude in looking for a new job, a healthy food intake (though I'm wanting bad food like no body's business), and making my smallest (earth healthy) dent in extra electricity usage during the day. I stare at the computer. My cat stares at me. I don't put the heat on when I'm cold, I grab a sweater. If the cat is cold she lays in the window to soak up some rays.
So far I'm balancing everything pretty well. Not that I don't fantasize about red velvet cake, Chimichangas, baked macaroni and cheese, fried pork chops, meat loaf, chocolate fountains and other assorted comfort food delights on a regular basis. I just choose to eat an apple instead.
Fingers crossed that I meet my career's Mr. Right.
Soon.
For the last week I've been attempting to balance a healthy attitude in looking for a new job, a healthy food intake (though I'm wanting bad food like no body's business), and making my smallest (earth healthy) dent in extra electricity usage during the day. I stare at the computer. My cat stares at me. I don't put the heat on when I'm cold, I grab a sweater. If the cat is cold she lays in the window to soak up some rays.
So far I'm balancing everything pretty well. Not that I don't fantasize about red velvet cake, Chimichangas, baked macaroni and cheese, fried pork chops, meat loaf, chocolate fountains and other assorted comfort food delights on a regular basis. I just choose to eat an apple instead.
Fingers crossed that I meet my career's Mr. Right.
Soon.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Scraping the work out barrel
I was excited to go home yesterday and do a Pilates DVD I'd gotten myself last Christmas and still never used. So I go home, take it out of the plastic (so sad) and pop it in the DVD player.
It errored out.
The Girlfriend pulls it out and come to find out there is a 1 inch by 2 inch chunk of silver backing completely missing on the back of the DVD. Crap! I didn't go to the gym because I was planning to do that DVD. I've already eaten, it's late, it's cold outside....then it hits me.
I go over to a cabinet I never even open. Pull out a VHS Tape that hasn't seen the light of day in several years. And pop it in the machine.
Yes, I did (almost) the full 45 minute work out with Susan Powter from her Stop the Insanity days.
Oh yea, I read the whole book. I really liked it too. Not like I did anything with it. And that tape kicked my butt every time I did it - when I weighed quite a bit less.
And you know what? I think I'll do it again. I was feeling it. I was working it. And was focused on my form, my breathing and my modification. (Only if you remember the tape would that mean anything to ya...)
I looked up Susan Powter today. She took some time off to raise the kids but she's back now doing new video blogs and focusing on Yoga. She's turning 50 this year and looks awesome.
Speaking of working out, we're going for our Fit start assessment at the Y tonight. I'm hoping to learn some of the machines so I can diversify a bit more. Should be a good time.
Ah well... Gotta go fill up my water glass and get back to work...
It errored out.
The Girlfriend pulls it out and come to find out there is a 1 inch by 2 inch chunk of silver backing completely missing on the back of the DVD. Crap! I didn't go to the gym because I was planning to do that DVD. I've already eaten, it's late, it's cold outside....then it hits me.
I go over to a cabinet I never even open. Pull out a VHS Tape that hasn't seen the light of day in several years. And pop it in the machine.
Yes, I did (almost) the full 45 minute work out with Susan Powter from her Stop the Insanity days.
Oh yea, I read the whole book. I really liked it too. Not like I did anything with it. And that tape kicked my butt every time I did it - when I weighed quite a bit less.
And you know what? I think I'll do it again. I was feeling it. I was working it. And was focused on my form, my breathing and my modification. (Only if you remember the tape would that mean anything to ya...)
I looked up Susan Powter today. She took some time off to raise the kids but she's back now doing new video blogs and focusing on Yoga. She's turning 50 this year and looks awesome.
Speaking of working out, we're going for our Fit start assessment at the Y tonight. I'm hoping to learn some of the machines so I can diversify a bit more. Should be a good time.
Ah well... Gotta go fill up my water glass and get back to work...
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The sweet song of food
For breakfast this morning I really wanted a Mexican omelet with home fries (the fresh kind with onions and green peppers and herbs) and bacon and sausage and a few English muffins. And orange juice.
I ate a small serving of oatmeal.
Between breakfast and lunch time I experienced an endless loop of porn-like orgies of food in my head. Cornish Pasty sounded amazing and there are so many flavor options! Or, a big plate of enchiladas sounded great - sooo cheesy and filling! Maybe my favorite Grilled cheese with Mozzarella, Basil and Tomato from Essence? Or perhaps it's polar opposite - a Big Mac with large hot fries and a *gasp* Coke! Then I remember the cheap Mexican food place and my eyes start slowly rolling back in my head as I picture biting into their gigantic burritos and insanely good and greasy tacos.
For lunch I had a Health Choice frozen meal - Five-Grain Chicken with Plum Sauce for just 310 calories.
I'm not strong. This is not willpower. Willpower would mean that I didn't want those things. Willpower would mean that I didn't stare at the drawer where my purse, and the accompanying car keys were just waiting for me to whisk them to calorie laden food heaven. If it was drive I would have listened to that little voice in my head that said "Eat your lunch and then go walk around the block to get in some extra exercise!"
Screw that little voice.
This is anger. Today it's not drive and determination that kept me on track. It's not willpower that helped me make the right decisions. I'm just pissed.
Three days ago I was 204 and for the last 2 days I have been 206. I partially blame my crap Evil Scale. But in the end, the only person I can be pissed with is me.
Why haven't I been drinking more water? Even though the water filter at work stopped working (The water now tastes like charcoal. Nasty.) I should have either remembered that gallon jug each day or I should have bought a new one at the store. I should have had more at night.
Why aren't I eating more fresh fruit and veggies? 1 meal a day is about all they get. I should be eating them several times a day.
Why have I let myself eat so much sodium? I was shocked when tracking my food on several days to realize how high my sodium had gotten. Why should I be shocked when it was almost all pre-processed food that day? Why didn't I plan better and balance the pre-processed with fresh foods? Heck, why aren't I planning out my meals at all???
Why did I stop tracking my fiber intake? I know that when I stop thinking about it I'm going to slip back to eating less, and yet hear I am averaging about 12-18g a day when I know I should be eating at least 24g.
I wanted that bad food. Wanted it bad. But this wouldn't have been a joyous afternoon delight food fantasy. It would have been a pity fuck.
And that, my little foodie friend, is not going to happen.
I ate a small serving of oatmeal.
Between breakfast and lunch time I experienced an endless loop of porn-like orgies of food in my head. Cornish Pasty sounded amazing and there are so many flavor options! Or, a big plate of enchiladas sounded great - sooo cheesy and filling! Maybe my favorite Grilled cheese with Mozzarella, Basil and Tomato from Essence? Or perhaps it's polar opposite - a Big Mac with large hot fries and a *gasp* Coke! Then I remember the cheap Mexican food place and my eyes start slowly rolling back in my head as I picture biting into their gigantic burritos and insanely good and greasy tacos.
For lunch I had a Health Choice frozen meal - Five-Grain Chicken with Plum Sauce for just 310 calories.
I'm not strong. This is not willpower. Willpower would mean that I didn't want those things. Willpower would mean that I didn't stare at the drawer where my purse, and the accompanying car keys were just waiting for me to whisk them to calorie laden food heaven. If it was drive I would have listened to that little voice in my head that said "Eat your lunch and then go walk around the block to get in some extra exercise!"
Screw that little voice.
This is anger. Today it's not drive and determination that kept me on track. It's not willpower that helped me make the right decisions. I'm just pissed.
Three days ago I was 204 and for the last 2 days I have been 206. I partially blame my crap Evil Scale. But in the end, the only person I can be pissed with is me.
Why haven't I been drinking more water? Even though the water filter at work stopped working (The water now tastes like charcoal. Nasty.) I should have either remembered that gallon jug each day or I should have bought a new one at the store. I should have had more at night.
Why aren't I eating more fresh fruit and veggies? 1 meal a day is about all they get. I should be eating them several times a day.
Why have I let myself eat so much sodium? I was shocked when tracking my food on several days to realize how high my sodium had gotten. Why should I be shocked when it was almost all pre-processed food that day? Why didn't I plan better and balance the pre-processed with fresh foods? Heck, why aren't I planning out my meals at all???
Why did I stop tracking my fiber intake? I know that when I stop thinking about it I'm going to slip back to eating less, and yet hear I am averaging about 12-18g a day when I know I should be eating at least 24g.
I wanted that bad food. Wanted it bad. But this wouldn't have been a joyous afternoon delight food fantasy. It would have been a pity fuck.
And that, my little foodie friend, is not going to happen.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The other white drink
When I was about 6 years old, I had a book called "All about me". It's a 1/2 written book with blanks and open spaces for you to tell all about who you are at the time. You trace your hand. You draw an imaginary city. You say things you've learned about the world. And of course the basics - favorite color, favorite food, favorite songs. My favorite food? Cheese.
That's never really changed. As a snack? Sure - string or slice? As an appetizer? Bring it on - fancy in wedges or fried up in a basket while watching the game. Breakfast? Cottage cheese with fruit. Lunch - the reason for eating most sandwiches, or in the simple purity of an insanely grilled cheese sandwich. Dinner? Roll cheese in corn tortillas, add cheese to the top and I'm good to go. Dessert? How about paired with pears and wine? [And yes, these were all just off the top of my head in less than 30 seconds. Imagine what I could do if given time...]
I've always felt that way about the whole darn dairy section. But as the healthier-me cut back on fat and calories, I saw less and less of my friend cheese. I miss it, but I appreciate those few moments when a bit of feta takes a salad to a new level. Or that one slice of real Swiss helps me forget that I'm eating diet bread and counting the calories of every piece of shredded carrot on the sandwich. I don't think I'll ever completely let it go.
But, healthier-world me has been getting a bit concerned. How many of our natural resources go into creating a gallon of milk? And while I may be keeping mine organic and non-fat, is there something else I could do to make an even better choice? To put less pressure on our farmers to make cow food and encourage them to make more people food?
It was a hard decision, but I decided to buy Soy Milk. I'm not saying it's the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship or anything. I will be trying a few brands to decide which one is the right one for me. I may slide back a bit but I really think I might make this one stick. Some reasons why?
- A cow needs to drink 2 gallons of water for every gallon of milk she'll make that day. Add to that the water used to raise the crops just so she could eat them and you have a TON of water going into dairy production. Sure, soy has to be grown, just like the cow's food, but that still means I can save 2 gallons of water for every gallon of soy milk produced.
- A dairy cow creates 120 pounds of "waste" each day. Ick. Now sure, some of this will get turned around into good things. I watch dirty jobs. I know. BUT - according to a Senate report on animal waste, a small farm of just 200 cows will create as much nitrogen in the sewage as a community of 5,000 to 10,000 people.
- Finally, let's look at the numbers:
- Organic Skim Milk, 1 Cup - 90 Calories, 0 Fat, 130g Sodium, 13g Carbs (0 Fiber, 12g Sugar), 9g Protien, 10% Vit A, 2% Vit C, 30% Calcium. (From my common brand)
- 8th Continent Light Soy Milk, 1 Cup - 50 Calories, 2g Fat, 115g Sodium, 2g Carbs (0 Fiber, 2g Sugar), 6g Protein, 10% Vit A, 30% Calcium, 6% Iron, 25% Vit D, 25% B2, 15% B12
- So, less calories, less sodium and less sugar in Soy milk. Skim milk has less fat and more protein.
Is there a trade off? Sure. But for now, I'm going to give it a shot. I'm hoping that both healthier-me and healthier-earth are better for it.
That's never really changed. As a snack? Sure - string or slice? As an appetizer? Bring it on - fancy in wedges or fried up in a basket while watching the game. Breakfast? Cottage cheese with fruit. Lunch - the reason for eating most sandwiches, or in the simple purity of an insanely grilled cheese sandwich. Dinner? Roll cheese in corn tortillas, add cheese to the top and I'm good to go. Dessert? How about paired with pears and wine? [And yes, these were all just off the top of my head in less than 30 seconds. Imagine what I could do if given time...]
I've always felt that way about the whole darn dairy section. But as the healthier-me cut back on fat and calories, I saw less and less of my friend cheese. I miss it, but I appreciate those few moments when a bit of feta takes a salad to a new level. Or that one slice of real Swiss helps me forget that I'm eating diet bread and counting the calories of every piece of shredded carrot on the sandwich. I don't think I'll ever completely let it go.
But, healthier-world me has been getting a bit concerned. How many of our natural resources go into creating a gallon of milk? And while I may be keeping mine organic and non-fat, is there something else I could do to make an even better choice? To put less pressure on our farmers to make cow food and encourage them to make more people food?
It was a hard decision, but I decided to buy Soy Milk. I'm not saying it's the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship or anything. I will be trying a few brands to decide which one is the right one for me. I may slide back a bit but I really think I might make this one stick. Some reasons why?
- A cow needs to drink 2 gallons of water for every gallon of milk she'll make that day. Add to that the water used to raise the crops just so she could eat them and you have a TON of water going into dairy production. Sure, soy has to be grown, just like the cow's food, but that still means I can save 2 gallons of water for every gallon of soy milk produced.
- A dairy cow creates 120 pounds of "waste" each day. Ick. Now sure, some of this will get turned around into good things. I watch dirty jobs. I know. BUT - according to a Senate report on animal waste, a small farm of just 200 cows will create as much nitrogen in the sewage as a community of 5,000 to 10,000 people.
- Finally, let's look at the numbers:
- Organic Skim Milk, 1 Cup - 90 Calories, 0 Fat, 130g Sodium, 13g Carbs (0 Fiber, 12g Sugar), 9g Protien, 10% Vit A, 2% Vit C, 30% Calcium. (From my common brand)
- 8th Continent Light Soy Milk, 1 Cup - 50 Calories, 2g Fat, 115g Sodium, 2g Carbs (0 Fiber, 2g Sugar), 6g Protein, 10% Vit A, 30% Calcium, 6% Iron, 25% Vit D, 25% B2, 15% B12
- So, less calories, less sodium and less sugar in Soy milk. Skim milk has less fat and more protein.
Is there a trade off? Sure. But for now, I'm going to give it a shot. I'm hoping that both healthier-me and healthier-earth are better for it.
Monday, January 14, 2008
A dose of reality
This is why I hate skinny people.
Ok, not skinny people [I have many skinny friends that I love and adore], but the never-been-anything-but-skinny people who write weight loss articles.
I decided to join this other website for a bit. Kick the tires. I have found some interesting tools, but I'm certainly not in love. Absolutely will never replace TDP. Starting to dislike it more and more. But as part of checking them out I said "Sure! Send me your daily healthy recipe email! I could take that and find some fun inspiration!"
Wait till you see what crap they sent me!!! Dreamy Chocolate Fudge!!! WTF?
Dreamy Chocolate Fudge
Serves: 50
Indulge with this creamy delight.
INGREDIENTS
1-1/2 cups sugar substitute
2/3 cup evaporated
2% milk
2 tablespoons stick butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups miniature marshmallows
1-1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips1 teaspoon vanilla
DIRECTIONS1. Combine sugar substitute, evaporated milk, butter and salt in a medium size heavy saucepan. Bring to a full rolling boil over medium heat, stirring frequently. Boil and stir 5 minutes. Remove from heat. 2. Stir in marshmallows, chocolate chips and vanilla until completely melted and smooth. Pour mixture into foil-lined 8-inch square pan. Refrigerate at least 2 hours or until firm to the touch. Remove foil from pan and fudge. Cut into squares. Refrigerate any remaining fudge
NUTRITION INFO
Calories: 38
Fat: 2.2 g
Carbohydrates: 5.8 g
Protein: 0.4 g
Worst of all - check out the servings. This recipe is supposed to make enough for serve 50! 50 servings of fudge? That's a lot of fudge. But wait - they make it in an 8x8 pan. Fckrs! That means each piece is 1.6 inches by .8 inches (approx 1 1/3 inch by 3/4 inch). Seriously. Yea, that's all the freaking fudge one person is going to f-ing want. Serves 50 my ass. Better yet - serves 50 my skinny friend's ass!
And if this fudge was cut into normal sized pieces? Say 2 inches by 2 inches? That's 16 servings. Which means the calorie count just went up to (Drum roll please....)
118.75 Calories
6.875 g Fat
18.125 g Carbs
1.25 g Protien
Listen. Folks want to lose weight. They really do. But what kind of f'd up advice is it to tell folks who obviously have issues eating well to MAKE FUDGE!!!
Want to lose weight? Eat fruit. Drink water. Exercise. Craving chocolate? Fat Free/Sugar free chocolate pudding is always good. Try one of the millions of 100 calorie pack options. Or ya know what? If you really want real chocolate - eat a small freaking piece of real chocolate. One square of Ghirardelli's Dark Chocolate is just 55 calories. Real chocolate.
It's all about moderation people. You don't make a whole pan of fudge when you're trying to be healthy. Because far too many of the folks that email was sent to would be far too likely to eat the whole pan of fudge. I got this email from them less than a week after joining their site, with no activity after the first day of joining. If Suzie is just 2 days into her weight loss, feeling weak and wanting support - what responsible group is going to send her a fudge recipe?
Let's get real.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Good-bye Holidays!
The holidays are finally done over and gone. Officially.
I'm not talking about the calendar - I'm talking about the evil pounds those few "cheat" days brought me. Was that gingerbread Christmas tree really worth it? Well, maybe not, but having that awesome black pepper bacon with gingerbread pancakes and mimosas on Christmas morning was pretty awesome. Awesome. But I'm really wishing I'd held back a bit more because I gained several pounds. And I'd just gotten to a new low - 208. Well, I bounced back to 212 one day. EEK! Now I know it was almost all sodium and not drinking enough water to flush it all out - but MAN it sucked to see it all pop right back. As of January 1st, I was back at 208 though. Whew!
Yesterday though is when the real magic happened. The Girlfriend decided she was completely committing herself to being healthier. She'd talked about it before, but yesterday she made the firm decision. I'm a bit concerned because she's not going at it with any kind of plan. But - she committed to joining the Biggest Loser Million Pound Challenge as a team. And through doing that, she's promised to blog about what she's doing and how she's feeling every other day (I started writing on the required site yesterday - we're going to trade days). This could be really great for her.
Most important - we're going to the gym today. I've been paying more than $50 a month for the two of us and I don't think we've gone since September. I was about to cancel the membership. Of course, now we're going to be going with all the other "New Years Resolution" folks so the place will be packed. But at least we're going. I have my bag packed and in the car. I'm already getting excited to go. (I think there might be something wrong with me)
One last note. Though it's in no way official as it's only been one day - I hit 206 today. If that turns out to be "real" in a second showing tomorrow, that will make a total of 26 pounds.
Pretty freaking impressive.
I'm not talking about the calendar - I'm talking about the evil pounds those few "cheat" days brought me. Was that gingerbread Christmas tree really worth it? Well, maybe not, but having that awesome black pepper bacon with gingerbread pancakes and mimosas on Christmas morning was pretty awesome. Awesome. But I'm really wishing I'd held back a bit more because I gained several pounds. And I'd just gotten to a new low - 208. Well, I bounced back to 212 one day. EEK! Now I know it was almost all sodium and not drinking enough water to flush it all out - but MAN it sucked to see it all pop right back. As of January 1st, I was back at 208 though. Whew!
Yesterday though is when the real magic happened. The Girlfriend decided she was completely committing herself to being healthier. She'd talked about it before, but yesterday she made the firm decision. I'm a bit concerned because she's not going at it with any kind of plan. But - she committed to joining the Biggest Loser Million Pound Challenge as a team. And through doing that, she's promised to blog about what she's doing and how she's feeling every other day (I started writing on the required site yesterday - we're going to trade days). This could be really great for her.
Most important - we're going to the gym today. I've been paying more than $50 a month for the two of us and I don't think we've gone since September. I was about to cancel the membership. Of course, now we're going to be going with all the other "New Years Resolution" folks so the place will be packed. But at least we're going. I have my bag packed and in the car. I'm already getting excited to go. (I think there might be something wrong with me)
One last note. Though it's in no way official as it's only been one day - I hit 206 today. If that turns out to be "real" in a second showing tomorrow, that will make a total of 26 pounds.
Pretty freaking impressive.
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