Forgive me blog for I have sinned. It has been far too long since my last confession.
I have been eating cheap instead of healthy. I have been eating low-stress/comfort foods instead of thinking about my food choices. I have been going back to NOT thinking about what I'm eating when it is more important than ever to think about what I eat.
Yesterday I had a good bowl of cereal to start the day, but lunch was a BBQ beef sandwich, potato salad and macaroni and cheese at some cheap BBQ spot, then we went to the movies and had popcorn and icees. Then dinner became Taco Bell, my drive through comfort food of choice, where I ordered poorly and ate it all. Worst of it all, in that whole day I had one bottle of water. One. I tried to correct it once we got home and had a 2 glasses of water - but it was too little too late. I felt the salt rising to the surface as I went to sleep. I woke up this morning feeling that if someone were to lick my arm they could taste the salt just seeping out.
It's before 9am and I'm working on my second glass of water. That was so gross, and I can't let it happen again. I got on the scale and I was at the 200 mark. Blech! I am going to work to flush some of those pounds, hoping that several of them are salt, in the next few days. I know that I can't eat with the same "I don't care what it costs, I have to eat healthy" mantra I had before, but I do need to ensure I'm making the best possible choices when I am able to choose.
I had lots of fun yesterday, but today I just feel gross. I need to remember that.
Bad food + No water = Super Blech.
Mental note.
Showing posts with label Weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weight. Show all posts
Monday, June 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
1 weekend down, next weekend Easter
Not only have I made it through tracking my first full week - the important part there being the weekend, which I've struggled with - but The Girlfriend has ALSO started tracking on a daily basis. She's weighing food. She's looking up food online. She's entering new items on the website if things aren't listed. She read labels while shopping.
It's like I'm falling in love all over again. :)
If that wasn't enough - I'm losing weight like I just started a new diet. 8 pounds since March 30th. I'm only about 2 pounds from my prior low.
I have not lost sight of the fact that Easter is next weekend, and I leave for the Philippines the next week. I'm tracking through Easter and I think there is a scale in at least one of the gyms so I'm hoping to keep track of my progress. Knowing is 1/2 the battle, right? Hopefully those chocolate crosants will look a bit less interesting if I see I've gained a few pounds.
Already looking forward to coming home to see the progress of my tracking sweetie. :)
It's like I'm falling in love all over again. :)
If that wasn't enough - I'm losing weight like I just started a new diet. 8 pounds since March 30th. I'm only about 2 pounds from my prior low.
I have not lost sight of the fact that Easter is next weekend, and I leave for the Philippines the next week. I'm tracking through Easter and I think there is a scale in at least one of the gyms so I'm hoping to keep track of my progress. Knowing is 1/2 the battle, right? Hopefully those chocolate crosants will look a bit less interesting if I see I've gained a few pounds.
Already looking forward to coming home to see the progress of my tracking sweetie. :)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Feeling good and then...
Today I hit 197.3. Feeling back on track, eating right and tracking my calories daily.
Today, I was told I'm going back to the Philippines in a few weeks.
I've been telling myself that "next time" I went back it would be different. I'd find a way to be healthy in my food choices. I'd find time to work out in the hotel gyms to make up for the food choices where I had less control. I'd eat more fruit, and less chocolate croissants. [oh heavens...how I love their chocolate croissants...] I'd try to track my calories even with food I had no idea what is was called or what was in it. I'd do my best to find a way.
Now, that time has come. I feel like it's too soon. I'm not really feeling strong about it yet. But - I don't have an option about where I go - only what I eat. I leave the weekend after Easter.
I have few weeks to come up with a plan and find the strength to stick to it.
Crap.
Today, I was told I'm going back to the Philippines in a few weeks.
I've been telling myself that "next time" I went back it would be different. I'd find a way to be healthy in my food choices. I'd find time to work out in the hotel gyms to make up for the food choices where I had less control. I'd eat more fruit, and less chocolate croissants. [oh heavens...how I love their chocolate croissants...] I'd try to track my calories even with food I had no idea what is was called or what was in it. I'd do my best to find a way.
Now, that time has come. I feel like it's too soon. I'm not really feeling strong about it yet. But - I don't have an option about where I go - only what I eat. I leave the weekend after Easter.
I have few weeks to come up with a plan and find the strength to stick to it.
Crap.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Leaping back, crawling forward
2.5 Weeks traveling in a foreign country known for a love of fried foods and pork + Period = 202.4
UGH!
Want to die. Too many of my clothes just don't fit the way they did. I just feeeeeeeel fat.
Amazing what 10 lbs can do! I felt darn near skinny at 192. But now it's more like fat-fat the water rat. (Does anyone else remember Ritchie Cunningham calling his wife that?) I've been working there 6 months and have basically gained 10 lbs back. That is NOT good!
I'm back at work in the states now but working extra hard to not over work. (Working hard to not over work? Logic that only an over worker can understand...) Making myself come home at a semi-decent hour even if I'm just jumping back online shortly thereafter. The Girlfriend is saying that it's 100% healthy from here on out and is promising to do better with what she cooks as she knows I don't have the time to do the "healthy cooking" anymore after we go shopping this weekend. Fingers crossed. Dinner last night was basically nachos (She calls it Taco Salad, but there are no vegetables...) and lunch today was chocolate cake from a work birthday. I gave in because a) It was chocolate raspberry cake from AJ's and b) I was out of frozen lunches and the cake looked better than the can of soup. It has to go uphill from there, right?
The goal by end of weekend is to buy good healthy food and do at least one active thing. As I used to say when starting this whole thing off - baby steps.
Why is it the steps backward seem so much larger than the steps forward? Oh well. It all starts with the first steps...
UGH!
Want to die. Too many of my clothes just don't fit the way they did. I just feeeeeeeel fat.
Amazing what 10 lbs can do! I felt darn near skinny at 192. But now it's more like fat-fat the water rat. (Does anyone else remember Ritchie Cunningham calling his wife that?) I've been working there 6 months and have basically gained 10 lbs back. That is NOT good!
I'm back at work in the states now but working extra hard to not over work. (Working hard to not over work? Logic that only an over worker can understand...) Making myself come home at a semi-decent hour even if I'm just jumping back online shortly thereafter. The Girlfriend is saying that it's 100% healthy from here on out and is promising to do better with what she cooks as she knows I don't have the time to do the "healthy cooking" anymore after we go shopping this weekend. Fingers crossed. Dinner last night was basically nachos (She calls it Taco Salad, but there are no vegetables...) and lunch today was chocolate cake from a work birthday. I gave in because a) It was chocolate raspberry cake from AJ's and b) I was out of frozen lunches and the cake looked better than the can of soup. It has to go uphill from there, right?
The goal by end of weekend is to buy good healthy food and do at least one active thing. As I used to say when starting this whole thing off - baby steps.
Why is it the steps backward seem so much larger than the steps forward? Oh well. It all starts with the first steps...
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Old habits easier than new ones
I have 5 minutes until we leave to meet friends for dinner at the Melting Pot for a birthday dinner. We'll be getting just the cheese and the chocolate. Earlier today we went to the zoo and while walking was great, the nachos and McDonald's for snack/lunch was not good. Nor were the Munchkins and Latte that we grabbed on the way there.
And last week I was in NJ for business where I took clients out to eat for 3 dinners and 4 lunches. I ate food I could never afford to eat if I was not being reimbursed. It was amazing. Appetizers, wine, mains, desserts and coffee - and all top shelf stuff.
Last night was another birthday dinner which involved meatloaf and mac and cheese. Why is everything - friendships and business - celebrated and reinforced with food?
This morning I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks. 199.8 lbs. I'm so mad at myself. And yet - I didn't get the healthy option at McDonald's. And I ate the donuts. And I will be eating the fondue.
This sucks.
And it's all my fault.
And last week I was in NJ for business where I took clients out to eat for 3 dinners and 4 lunches. I ate food I could never afford to eat if I was not being reimbursed. It was amazing. Appetizers, wine, mains, desserts and coffee - and all top shelf stuff.
Last night was another birthday dinner which involved meatloaf and mac and cheese. Why is everything - friendships and business - celebrated and reinforced with food?
This morning I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks. 199.8 lbs. I'm so mad at myself. And yet - I didn't get the healthy option at McDonald's. And I ate the donuts. And I will be eating the fondue.
This sucks.
And it's all my fault.
Friday, January 2, 2009
2008: A Retrospective
Another year gone. A few less pounds. A few more gray hairs.
The years go faster and faster and faster. Mama didn't lie about that!
Decided to look back at the year. Let's see what I've done. The good, the bad, the ugly. Then, what I'm hoping to see out of this year.
Weight: 2008
January 1st, 2008 I was 208 lbs. I can't tell you what my weight was on the last day of the year because my scale is acting funny. Cheap scales break. Expensive scales "act funny". I'm hoping to sort it out by this weekend, but last time I checked, which was just a few days before, I was at 193.6. While I'm happy that all this time of not tracking food, not exercising etc has not led to a massive weight gain, looking back to see that in all this time I lost a total of less than 15 lbs this year is pretty scary. And just to make it worse, in April I was down to 190. Of course, August was back to 198. Dang those same 10 lbs I keep losing and gaining for the last 9 months!
Weight: Outlook 2009
I'm have a semi stable job now that, while I need to travel now and then, should allow me to work on better eating habits. The Girlfriend swears she's going to start being healthier this year. Where are we now? House full of sweets from the holiday party. I'm working through them as fast as I can. :) Not exactly moving toward my goal, but I can't throw away yummy food. Just can't do it. Not yet. Do I have a goal here? It's tough. My next bit point is to be a 14/16. That's "normal girl" sized. I dreamed of being a 16 by Christmas, but didn't put in the effort. I promise to put in effort this year. Let's say the dream is to be a 14/16 by my birthday. [Special note here, I'm been saying for awhile now that I want to give my hair to locks of love once my face gets small enough to try short hair. I've been saying I want to give it away next summer for awhile now. I think at 14/16 I can get away w/ short hair. :) ]
Active Lifestyle: 2008
My gym membership should count as a charitable contribution because I never ever go. I've almost canceled it I can't say how many times but I keep hoping that something will change and I'll be able to go again. No such luck. We haven't walked around the neighborhood or the awesome park, and we haven't ridden our bikes in so long I think they both need new tires. I have gotten her to take me dancing a bit more often - but does 6 times a year really count?
Active Lifestyle: Outlook 2009
We got a Wii for Christmas. It's been used quite a few times. Standing up to do anything is better than just sitting there like a lump watching TV. And I'm planning to buy the Wii Fit by Spring (Maybe I can make that a "reward" for doing good w/ healthy eating?) so we can start doing at home simple work. Even if it only gets used on the weekends, it would be a great improvement over what we do now. I still think I might cancel the gym membership. I'm giving myself until February to decide for sure. I want to find at least one other way to bring fitness into our lives without the gym. It would be great if we brought back the bikes (and really used them)or found something else that makes us happy so we do it regularly without feeling like it's a forced work out.
Eco Living: 2008
I put it in the backseat to focus on weight. That wasn't an awful decision, but it's been tough. I'm still the recycle nazi to my friends, but as I've admitted, in times of stress or pure exhaustion even I have slipped. I've traveled a ton with my millions of jobs this year and I've done nothing to off-set it. (I'm also not getting enough miles to on a consistent airline to add up to anything good!!) We still use paper and plastic at our holiday gatherings when I'd really wanted to go with "real plates" to ensure that it was more eco friendly. I still absolutely suck at unplugging things I know I should - like cell phone chargers - when not in use. I didn't have enough time to do much in the way of eco shopping (Farmers markets, local produce, local/sustainable housewares and presents) where I stayed in the super-grocery-marts and Targets of the world because I had no time to drive extra or only buy veggies on a Saturday morning between 8 and 10am. I still have the same car that still gets not enough MPG and I still drive it an hour each day, each way.
Eco Living: Outlook 2009
I worked from home more than usual for the holiday. Woman coming back from maternity leave has already said that she WILL work from home regularly. If I could get them to do work from home 2x a month - that would be AWESOME! Also, I live right down the street from someone who works at the same office. (Insane, but true) and we've both been so busy there was no such thing as a "normal" schedule to figure out carpooling. Once I am sharing the workload, I think I can actually carpool. I know there will be some times we can't do it, but even bringing it down 2x a week would make an awesome dent in my gas bills. If I can do it more than that???? Heaven! and that car that I'll be driving was just paid off so I'll be able to make a financially healthy choice to use that extra cash for the insane credit card debt caused by the same car earlier this year! I want to find more locally owned spots that sell more locally made things. I heard about a butcher that sells the pork it raises organically that's only like 15 min from my house - but of course they have limited hours which means I've not made it there. That needs to change this year - I need to make it a goal.
Healthy mind/spirit: 2008
Really enjoyed going to church at the beginning of the year, but as jobs changed and stress raised, I went less often by the end of the year. Almost the only quiet reflective time I found for myself was when traveling. Staring out at the clouds on one quiet trip, I even wrote a poem. Haven't done that in a few years. On another I pulled out 3 poems and 2 songs (sang to myself in the car, and couldn't remember them by the time I could pull over, but they gave me hours of enjoyment in the car). This was a great reminder to me of how important it is to find those times. The no-tv, no one else needs anything but you kind of quiet times. It was also a big reminder that I have to make those moments happen - they won't always just happen on their own.
Healthy mind/spirit: Outlook 2009
Church makes me happy to go, so I need to get back in the habit. I also need to find time for things that make me happy. Reading a book. Blogging. A good coffeehouse with amazing coffee and cool poetry readings. (OK, wishing a bit too far out on that one I'm sure...) Something that makes that little quiet part of you deep deep inside sit back, close it's eyes and exhale deeply. And how important it is to give that same little part of you something that is all about fun - like karaoke or air hockey or singing loudly with a friend to bad 80's music in the car. Work life balance is important, and if I keep working 18 hours a day I'll never find it. I have to work to keep the job, while keeping some level of balance. This may be the hardest thing I try to do all year - but without that, nothing else here will have the time to happen.
Goodbye 2008. You showed me that even in some crazy crazy times, even if I can't always be moving forward I can make sure I don't take a serious step back. Here's looking forward to 2009!
The years go faster and faster and faster. Mama didn't lie about that!
Decided to look back at the year. Let's see what I've done. The good, the bad, the ugly. Then, what I'm hoping to see out of this year.
Weight: 2008
January 1st, 2008 I was 208 lbs. I can't tell you what my weight was on the last day of the year because my scale is acting funny. Cheap scales break. Expensive scales "act funny". I'm hoping to sort it out by this weekend, but last time I checked, which was just a few days before, I was at 193.6. While I'm happy that all this time of not tracking food, not exercising etc has not led to a massive weight gain, looking back to see that in all this time I lost a total of less than 15 lbs this year is pretty scary. And just to make it worse, in April I was down to 190. Of course, August was back to 198. Dang those same 10 lbs I keep losing and gaining for the last 9 months!
Weight: Outlook 2009
I'm have a semi stable job now that, while I need to travel now and then, should allow me to work on better eating habits. The Girlfriend swears she's going to start being healthier this year. Where are we now? House full of sweets from the holiday party. I'm working through them as fast as I can. :) Not exactly moving toward my goal, but I can't throw away yummy food. Just can't do it. Not yet. Do I have a goal here? It's tough. My next bit point is to be a 14/16. That's "normal girl" sized. I dreamed of being a 16 by Christmas, but didn't put in the effort. I promise to put in effort this year. Let's say the dream is to be a 14/16 by my birthday. [Special note here, I'm been saying for awhile now that I want to give my hair to locks of love once my face gets small enough to try short hair. I've been saying I want to give it away next summer for awhile now. I think at 14/16 I can get away w/ short hair. :) ]
Active Lifestyle: 2008
My gym membership should count as a charitable contribution because I never ever go. I've almost canceled it I can't say how many times but I keep hoping that something will change and I'll be able to go again. No such luck. We haven't walked around the neighborhood or the awesome park, and we haven't ridden our bikes in so long I think they both need new tires. I have gotten her to take me dancing a bit more often - but does 6 times a year really count?
Active Lifestyle: Outlook 2009
We got a Wii for Christmas. It's been used quite a few times. Standing up to do anything is better than just sitting there like a lump watching TV. And I'm planning to buy the Wii Fit by Spring (Maybe I can make that a "reward" for doing good w/ healthy eating?) so we can start doing at home simple work. Even if it only gets used on the weekends, it would be a great improvement over what we do now. I still think I might cancel the gym membership. I'm giving myself until February to decide for sure. I want to find at least one other way to bring fitness into our lives without the gym. It would be great if we brought back the bikes (and really used them)or found something else that makes us happy so we do it regularly without feeling like it's a forced work out.
Eco Living: 2008
I put it in the backseat to focus on weight. That wasn't an awful decision, but it's been tough. I'm still the recycle nazi to my friends, but as I've admitted, in times of stress or pure exhaustion even I have slipped. I've traveled a ton with my millions of jobs this year and I've done nothing to off-set it. (I'm also not getting enough miles to on a consistent airline to add up to anything good!!) We still use paper and plastic at our holiday gatherings when I'd really wanted to go with "real plates" to ensure that it was more eco friendly. I still absolutely suck at unplugging things I know I should - like cell phone chargers - when not in use. I didn't have enough time to do much in the way of eco shopping (Farmers markets, local produce, local/sustainable housewares and presents) where I stayed in the super-grocery-marts and Targets of the world because I had no time to drive extra or only buy veggies on a Saturday morning between 8 and 10am. I still have the same car that still gets not enough MPG and I still drive it an hour each day, each way.
Eco Living: Outlook 2009
I worked from home more than usual for the holiday. Woman coming back from maternity leave has already said that she WILL work from home regularly. If I could get them to do work from home 2x a month - that would be AWESOME! Also, I live right down the street from someone who works at the same office. (Insane, but true) and we've both been so busy there was no such thing as a "normal" schedule to figure out carpooling. Once I am sharing the workload, I think I can actually carpool. I know there will be some times we can't do it, but even bringing it down 2x a week would make an awesome dent in my gas bills. If I can do it more than that???? Heaven! and that car that I'll be driving was just paid off so I'll be able to make a financially healthy choice to use that extra cash for the insane credit card debt caused by the same car earlier this year! I want to find more locally owned spots that sell more locally made things. I heard about a butcher that sells the pork it raises organically that's only like 15 min from my house - but of course they have limited hours which means I've not made it there. That needs to change this year - I need to make it a goal.
Healthy mind/spirit: 2008
Really enjoyed going to church at the beginning of the year, but as jobs changed and stress raised, I went less often by the end of the year. Almost the only quiet reflective time I found for myself was when traveling. Staring out at the clouds on one quiet trip, I even wrote a poem. Haven't done that in a few years. On another I pulled out 3 poems and 2 songs (sang to myself in the car, and couldn't remember them by the time I could pull over, but they gave me hours of enjoyment in the car). This was a great reminder to me of how important it is to find those times. The no-tv, no one else needs anything but you kind of quiet times. It was also a big reminder that I have to make those moments happen - they won't always just happen on their own.
Healthy mind/spirit: Outlook 2009
Church makes me happy to go, so I need to get back in the habit. I also need to find time for things that make me happy. Reading a book. Blogging. A good coffeehouse with amazing coffee and cool poetry readings. (OK, wishing a bit too far out on that one I'm sure...) Something that makes that little quiet part of you deep deep inside sit back, close it's eyes and exhale deeply. And how important it is to give that same little part of you something that is all about fun - like karaoke or air hockey or singing loudly with a friend to bad 80's music in the car. Work life balance is important, and if I keep working 18 hours a day I'll never find it. I have to work to keep the job, while keeping some level of balance. This may be the hardest thing I try to do all year - but without that, nothing else here will have the time to happen.
Goodbye 2008. You showed me that even in some crazy crazy times, even if I can't always be moving forward I can make sure I don't take a serious step back. Here's looking forward to 2009!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
She's got a ticket to ride
...and she don't care.
The ticket was for the roller coaster of life, with it's ups and downs, twists, turns and loop-de-loops. I got the ticket. I am riding the train. Sure parts are exciting, but it doesn't take long before she just don't care. She'd like to care, but she's just too dang tired!
You have to pick your battles. I've always said I live by that. Sometimes they battles change from day to day or even hour to hour. Since accepting the new job my goal is keeping the job. They know I'm overworked. They say help is on the way. The Girlfriend is starting to refer to me as her Roomie as she doesn't see me enough to be anything beyond that. She calls the office "My other house". At work there is only work. There is no personal email so I get no daily Ideal Bites. No mental breaks surfing for things on etsy or researching awesome charities like ___ to use as gifts this holiday season. No, there is practically no personal Internet access. And even if there was, heavens knows there isn't the time. The last few days I've started my first call at 6:30am and I'm not leaving the office to come home until 10pm.
I could be frustrated. I could get angry. I could cry (if I was that kind of girl). I could do many emotional things. But I don't. I just don't have the time.
I also don't have the time to track my calories, make fresh food for dinner each night, go shopping for healthy food, and I certainly don't have time to go to the gym or even walk around the neighborhood. I've also found myself slacking off on even the simplest of things. I'm burning though plastic flatware at work because I don't have time to wash and re-use. And hard as this is to admit, I have had a few days where I'm too tired to clean a container that needs to be recycled, so it goes in the garbage.
Guess who's gone back to eating out/picking up/driving through far too often? Far, far too often. I have complained how healthy food costs so much, but I have to say going out to eat this often is more expensive that I'd remembered.
I gained weight again - going back to the higher 190's. But I caught and corrected myself. I make sure my lunch (and often dinner) options, while frozen, are healthier. I try to keep a few pieces of fruit at my desk at all times. I upgraded to a larger water cup so there will be less times without water. I'm bringing the number back down, but I won't make my goal of being a size lower by the end of the year. But I MIGHT still be able to make my goal of being in the 180's. 189 totally counts.
I'm exhausted every day, but I haven't forgotten the joy of seeing a lower number on the scale. And I haven't given up on making a dent in my ecological footprint. I've just had to pick my battles. Right now my battle is making everyone NOT see quite how exhausted I am as I move from day to day. And drinking more water. That's about it. And that - is good enough.
The ticket was for the roller coaster of life, with it's ups and downs, twists, turns and loop-de-loops. I got the ticket. I am riding the train. Sure parts are exciting, but it doesn't take long before she just don't care. She'd like to care, but she's just too dang tired!
You have to pick your battles. I've always said I live by that. Sometimes they battles change from day to day or even hour to hour. Since accepting the new job my goal is keeping the job. They know I'm overworked. They say help is on the way. The Girlfriend is starting to refer to me as her Roomie as she doesn't see me enough to be anything beyond that. She calls the office "My other house". At work there is only work. There is no personal email so I get no daily Ideal Bites. No mental breaks surfing for things on etsy or researching awesome charities like ___ to use as gifts this holiday season. No, there is practically no personal Internet access. And even if there was, heavens knows there isn't the time. The last few days I've started my first call at 6:30am and I'm not leaving the office to come home until 10pm.
I could be frustrated. I could get angry. I could cry (if I was that kind of girl). I could do many emotional things. But I don't. I just don't have the time.
I also don't have the time to track my calories, make fresh food for dinner each night, go shopping for healthy food, and I certainly don't have time to go to the gym or even walk around the neighborhood. I've also found myself slacking off on even the simplest of things. I'm burning though plastic flatware at work because I don't have time to wash and re-use. And hard as this is to admit, I have had a few days where I'm too tired to clean a container that needs to be recycled, so it goes in the garbage.
Guess who's gone back to eating out/picking up/driving through far too often? Far, far too often. I have complained how healthy food costs so much, but I have to say going out to eat this often is more expensive that I'd remembered.
I gained weight again - going back to the higher 190's. But I caught and corrected myself. I make sure my lunch (and often dinner) options, while frozen, are healthier. I try to keep a few pieces of fruit at my desk at all times. I upgraded to a larger water cup so there will be less times without water. I'm bringing the number back down, but I won't make my goal of being a size lower by the end of the year. But I MIGHT still be able to make my goal of being in the 180's. 189 totally counts.
I'm exhausted every day, but I haven't forgotten the joy of seeing a lower number on the scale. And I haven't given up on making a dent in my ecological footprint. I've just had to pick my battles. Right now my battle is making everyone NOT see quite how exhausted I am as I move from day to day. And drinking more water. That's about it. And that - is good enough.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Time to say good-bye
Dear Mr. Evil Scale,
You and I have been through some serious ups and downs in this last year. You gave me hope and encouragement. You also gave me dire warnings about straying from the path. You also seriously screwed with my head.
You have come with me from house to house over the years - never given the love you craved as I pushed you into the corner of the bathroom where my cat would often walk over you after getting out of her popper and trail kitty litter from her paws across your face. For that, I am truly sorry.
This is very difficult to me, as you know I don't like change unless it comes in the shape of a lower number, but I think it is time for us to part ways.
You see, over the last week I've gone up and down up to 4 lbs from one day to the next. I know there were several unexpected food choices that led to me going astray here and there but 4lbs in a day?
I'm sorry. This isn't about blame.
It's not you. It's me.
You've given me all you can. From oh so many years ago when I picked you up from a Target at the end of the aisle because I was just curious and figured I should know where I was. When I would not get on you for more than 6 months at a time I'm sure you thought I'd abandoned you. And then this last year to get on you at least once every single day - I'm sure you felt comparatively abused.
I need more than you have to give. Years ago I didn't want for anything more than your digital numbers. It was all I needed. But now my needs have changed. I want decimal points. I want water weight. I want fat percentages. It's me who's changed - not you.
Yes. It's true. You have been replaced. I haven't gotten the nerve to tell you to your face so your replacement is still boxed in the living room. I don't want to cause a scene.
Know that I couldn't have made it through this last year without you. I've appreciated everything you've done - including the tough love. It has helped put me back on track many, many times.
While our relationship will end, I am hopeful you will go on for a long and fruitful life. I'm giving you opportunities at a garage sale to find your new special someone, and if that isn't fruitful, I'll make sure you get placed in a nice goodwill location so your next love can be some skinny thing that loves you from day one.
I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but I continue to wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Thank you.
You and I have been through some serious ups and downs in this last year. You gave me hope and encouragement. You also gave me dire warnings about straying from the path. You also seriously screwed with my head.
You have come with me from house to house over the years - never given the love you craved as I pushed you into the corner of the bathroom where my cat would often walk over you after getting out of her popper and trail kitty litter from her paws across your face. For that, I am truly sorry.
This is very difficult to me, as you know I don't like change unless it comes in the shape of a lower number, but I think it is time for us to part ways.
You see, over the last week I've gone up and down up to 4 lbs from one day to the next. I know there were several unexpected food choices that led to me going astray here and there but 4lbs in a day?
I'm sorry. This isn't about blame.
It's not you. It's me.
You've given me all you can. From oh so many years ago when I picked you up from a Target at the end of the aisle because I was just curious and figured I should know where I was. When I would not get on you for more than 6 months at a time I'm sure you thought I'd abandoned you. And then this last year to get on you at least once every single day - I'm sure you felt comparatively abused.
I need more than you have to give. Years ago I didn't want for anything more than your digital numbers. It was all I needed. But now my needs have changed. I want decimal points. I want water weight. I want fat percentages. It's me who's changed - not you.
Yes. It's true. You have been replaced. I haven't gotten the nerve to tell you to your face so your replacement is still boxed in the living room. I don't want to cause a scene.
Know that I couldn't have made it through this last year without you. I've appreciated everything you've done - including the tough love. It has helped put me back on track many, many times.
While our relationship will end, I am hopeful you will go on for a long and fruitful life. I'm giving you opportunities at a garage sale to find your new special someone, and if that isn't fruitful, I'll make sure you get placed in a nice goodwill location so your next love can be some skinny thing that loves you from day one.
I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but I continue to wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Thank you.
Monday, July 14, 2008
5 down, oh so many to go...
I am a bad, bad girl.
Bad. Bad Girl.
How could it have been 2 weeks since my last post? I know life is a bit of a blur these days, but there are so many times that I meant to post something that somehow I feel that at least one of those should have counted and turned into a real post but I suppose that's not really how it happens now is it? Oh, if only that were the only way I was bad.
It's been well documented that I've been eating crap. Crap, crap and more crap. Crap-o-la. I tried to toss in at least one healthy meal a day, but that was quickly taken over by sudden cravings for Doritos or chocolate or Pizza. And I gave in. I was weak. One weak behavior begot another and it never quite seemed like it was "time" to go 100% back to being healthy.
And then Mr. Scale showed me 197.
But I wasn't mad at Mr. Scale - I was mad at myself. I did it all to myself. I could have been in the 170's by now if I'd kept up with it and instead I let myself not just be dormant, but actually gain back a few pounds through sloppy eating choices. To suddenly see 3 pounds away from the dreaded 200 was enough to get me off my butt. That was July 9th. I started tracking my calories again on TDP immediately. Even though with the new job I had "no time" I knew I had to find the time. I had to make it happen.
Turns out, my body didn't really want that extra weight. Through normal healthy eating I've been really surprised at the results.
July 9 - 197
July 11 - 196
July 12 - 194
July 13 - 193
July 14 - 192
Fine - tell me it's water weight. Tell me it's whatever you want to call it. All I know is I'm down 5lbs in less than a week so I'm over the moon.
My next challenge? I go out of town in a week, and I've always allowed myself to make less than ideal food decisions when traveling for work. This time it will have the additional challenge of a) Being in Atlanta where I hear the food is amazing and b) Being car-less so all my food must be within walking distance. No fridge, no microwave, no grocery store.
In my ideal world I'd have one suitcase just for bottled water, fruit, 100 calorie snacks and of course Mr. Evil Scale. Hmmm... do they make traveling scales? Perhaps it's time to give Mr. Scale a friend...
Bad. Bad Girl.
How could it have been 2 weeks since my last post? I know life is a bit of a blur these days, but there are so many times that I meant to post something that somehow I feel that at least one of those should have counted and turned into a real post but I suppose that's not really how it happens now is it? Oh, if only that were the only way I was bad.
It's been well documented that I've been eating crap. Crap, crap and more crap. Crap-o-la. I tried to toss in at least one healthy meal a day, but that was quickly taken over by sudden cravings for Doritos or chocolate or Pizza. And I gave in. I was weak. One weak behavior begot another and it never quite seemed like it was "time" to go 100% back to being healthy.
And then Mr. Scale showed me 197.
But I wasn't mad at Mr. Scale - I was mad at myself. I did it all to myself. I could have been in the 170's by now if I'd kept up with it and instead I let myself not just be dormant, but actually gain back a few pounds through sloppy eating choices. To suddenly see 3 pounds away from the dreaded 200 was enough to get me off my butt. That was July 9th. I started tracking my calories again on TDP immediately. Even though with the new job I had "no time" I knew I had to find the time. I had to make it happen.
Turns out, my body didn't really want that extra weight. Through normal healthy eating I've been really surprised at the results.
July 9 - 197
July 11 - 196
July 12 - 194
July 13 - 193
July 14 - 192
Fine - tell me it's water weight. Tell me it's whatever you want to call it. All I know is I'm down 5lbs in less than a week so I'm over the moon.
My next challenge? I go out of town in a week, and I've always allowed myself to make less than ideal food decisions when traveling for work. This time it will have the additional challenge of a) Being in Atlanta where I hear the food is amazing and b) Being car-less so all my food must be within walking distance. No fridge, no microwave, no grocery store.
In my ideal world I'd have one suitcase just for bottled water, fruit, 100 calorie snacks and of course Mr. Evil Scale. Hmmm... do they make traveling scales? Perhaps it's time to give Mr. Scale a friend...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
My old nemesis
Left for Business trip (Sunday) - 190
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
This morning I got up, went to the airport and got on a plane. I'm in Ohio right now. Flight was good. (Thanks for asking) But this post isn't just about the destination - it's about the journey.
So as you'll remember, I was out of work about a while ago. Got a new job about a month ago and while I can make it work out just fine - it's not my dream job and I'm not their dream employee. We both know it, and we went into the relationship with open eyes. About a week ago I got an email from a friend about a job she thought I might like. Doing something I've done before - something I know how to do pretty darn well. She thinks it might be a good match. But how would I feel about telecommuting?
How would I feel? How would I feel??? I'd be pretty darn out of my mind excited. Healthy food choices. Ability to do a few things around the house during "lunch". Easier access to the gym. And let's talk about the money I'd be saving on gas - which is getting more expensive every day. Yea - I think I'm ok with telecommuting.
So after a phone interview with the company they decide to fly me out for an interview. I've never been flown anywhere for an interview before and feels like such a compliment. They could be flying out 20 people, but I'm still taking it as a compliment.
I'm feeling a bit more confident in my newer slimmer self so I'm less scared about the face to face. I like my new size 18 suits. Interesting observation - I was able to pack everything I needed in just my overnight bag and my regular purse. Including a thick trench coat (that I bought big from the thrift store when I was a size 9 and just realized I can finally button it up again...), 3 pairs of shoes and my suit. I've tried to do that before and it never worked. Never. I have decided it fits better because the clothes are smaller. Might not be true, but it certainly made me feel better.
Then, when picking out my "wear to the air port and get picked up by an employee of the company" outfit, found one that was fun, modern and professional. I looked semi-hot. Well, maybe a bit more than semi-hot as I was getting several of "those" looks today. The guy who normally yells at folks to put their shoes in the basket was complimenting me on my shoes and calling me sweetie - while giving me one of "those" smiles. I almost forgot how much I missed things like that.
Then, when finally on the plane - I fit in the chair without touching the guy next to me. Sure, our elbows touched now and then, but my thigh stayed on its own cushion. My butt didn't push at the arm rests the way it used to do. Wearing a shirt that was pretty fitted around the waist, some "hugs the curves" jeans and high heels - I was actually comfortable on the plane. Really comfortable. Not just kinda comfortable. Completely.
Tonight I had my first contact with folks from the company. Not once in any of those conversations did my mind drift to the fact that I was too fat for the job, or that I would be judged by my weight. These are things that used to haunt me all the time - especially in situations like this where you KNOW the person is looking for faults.
In no way am I thin. Not even close. But what a difference 40 lbs makes.
Tomorrow is the big interview day - from 10:30am until 4:30pm. I'm going to be judged, poked and prodded. Luckily, there's 40 lbs less to judge, 40 lbs less to poke and prod. And if they like what they see - Mama gets to telecommute. Oh yea baby.
Fingers crossed...
So as you'll remember, I was out of work about a while ago. Got a new job about a month ago and while I can make it work out just fine - it's not my dream job and I'm not their dream employee. We both know it, and we went into the relationship with open eyes. About a week ago I got an email from a friend about a job she thought I might like. Doing something I've done before - something I know how to do pretty darn well. She thinks it might be a good match. But how would I feel about telecommuting?
How would I feel? How would I feel??? I'd be pretty darn out of my mind excited. Healthy food choices. Ability to do a few things around the house during "lunch". Easier access to the gym. And let's talk about the money I'd be saving on gas - which is getting more expensive every day. Yea - I think I'm ok with telecommuting.
So after a phone interview with the company they decide to fly me out for an interview. I've never been flown anywhere for an interview before and feels like such a compliment. They could be flying out 20 people, but I'm still taking it as a compliment.
I'm feeling a bit more confident in my newer slimmer self so I'm less scared about the face to face. I like my new size 18 suits. Interesting observation - I was able to pack everything I needed in just my overnight bag and my regular purse. Including a thick trench coat (that I bought big from the thrift store when I was a size 9 and just realized I can finally button it up again...), 3 pairs of shoes and my suit. I've tried to do that before and it never worked. Never. I have decided it fits better because the clothes are smaller. Might not be true, but it certainly made me feel better.
Then, when picking out my "wear to the air port and get picked up by an employee of the company" outfit, found one that was fun, modern and professional. I looked semi-hot. Well, maybe a bit more than semi-hot as I was getting several of "those" looks today. The guy who normally yells at folks to put their shoes in the basket was complimenting me on my shoes and calling me sweetie - while giving me one of "those" smiles. I almost forgot how much I missed things like that.
Then, when finally on the plane - I fit in the chair without touching the guy next to me. Sure, our elbows touched now and then, but my thigh stayed on its own cushion. My butt didn't push at the arm rests the way it used to do. Wearing a shirt that was pretty fitted around the waist, some "hugs the curves" jeans and high heels - I was actually comfortable on the plane. Really comfortable. Not just kinda comfortable. Completely.
Tonight I had my first contact with folks from the company. Not once in any of those conversations did my mind drift to the fact that I was too fat for the job, or that I would be judged by my weight. These are things that used to haunt me all the time - especially in situations like this where you KNOW the person is looking for faults.
In no way am I thin. Not even close. But what a difference 40 lbs makes.
Tomorrow is the big interview day - from 10:30am until 4:30pm. I'm going to be judged, poked and prodded. Luckily, there's 40 lbs less to judge, 40 lbs less to poke and prod. And if they like what they see - Mama gets to telecommute. Oh yea baby.
Fingers crossed...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I think I'm showing
I've had several comments over the last week about how thin I'm looking. While I think this is a hilarious farce of reality - I accept that it is all said with love from my friends to whom the thin and/or skinny references simply mean "less than before". Were I to actually show up suddenly skinny on the doorstep of any of my friends I believe they would all hold me down until the ambulance could arrive - that is, if they could even recognize me.
But as I was saying oh, so subtly, I'm not skinny. I'm not thin. But I think I'm finally "showing" that I've lost some weight. The Girlfriend was reading my friend's blog the other day and when looking at an older post she saw a picture of me and actually called me into the room to talk about it. She said that while she knew I'd lost weight, and she sees it in all the right places (cough, cough) she hadn't really looked at a picture of me from before the weight loss. She had me sit near the desk so she could look back and forth and said it was pretty shocking. When I looked at it - I can honestly say I saw it too. It wasn't as "oh my goodness" as it was for her, but there was clearly a difference. For the better. That was nice.
I'm still a "big girl". I still feel like I've lost so relatively little that it's not even worth mentioning half the time. Like taking 2 bites out of a foot long sandwich - there's still a LOT more where that came from. (Of course a food reference from the fat girl...) But, even I feel different about being able to say I've lost 40 lbs than I did about say 25. 40 lbs is SOMETHING. 40 lbs is something you see listed on magazine covers. It's something that you'd be really impressed with if it was someone else. But in this case it's not. It's just me. Me - 40 lbs lighter than when I started.
Makes me feel a bit lighter just thinking about it. Wonder how I'll feel after I've lost the next 40? Personally, being less than 180 seems so almost unrealistic. I can hardly even push to imagine what being 160 will be like. Seems so far away. Sort of like when I was imagining what it would be like to be under 200. But here I am....
Dreaming the impossible dream. Fighting the unwinnable foe and, oh so slowly, winning.
But as I was saying oh, so subtly, I'm not skinny. I'm not thin. But I think I'm finally "showing" that I've lost some weight. The Girlfriend was reading my friend's blog the other day and when looking at an older post she saw a picture of me and actually called me into the room to talk about it. She said that while she knew I'd lost weight, and she sees it in all the right places (cough, cough) she hadn't really looked at a picture of me from before the weight loss. She had me sit near the desk so she could look back and forth and said it was pretty shocking. When I looked at it - I can honestly say I saw it too. It wasn't as "oh my goodness" as it was for her, but there was clearly a difference. For the better. That was nice.
I'm still a "big girl". I still feel like I've lost so relatively little that it's not even worth mentioning half the time. Like taking 2 bites out of a foot long sandwich - there's still a LOT more where that came from. (Of course a food reference from the fat girl...) But, even I feel different about being able to say I've lost 40 lbs than I did about say 25. 40 lbs is SOMETHING. 40 lbs is something you see listed on magazine covers. It's something that you'd be really impressed with if it was someone else. But in this case it's not. It's just me. Me - 40 lbs lighter than when I started.
Makes me feel a bit lighter just thinking about it. Wonder how I'll feel after I've lost the next 40? Personally, being less than 180 seems so almost unrealistic. I can hardly even push to imagine what being 160 will be like. Seems so far away. Sort of like when I was imagining what it would be like to be under 200. But here I am....
Dreaming the impossible dream. Fighting the unwinnable foe and, oh so slowly, winning.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
My personal Valentine
I don't "completely" believe it because I've been sick and not eating as well because I'm sleeping half the day away. Then again I kinda do believe it because it's "that time of the month" and I normally gain a pound or two at the beginning. I have good arguments either way.
That said, my rule has always been that if it happens 2 days in a row, it's real. Today, Valentine's Day, is my day 2 under 200. I'm at day two of 196.
Happy Valentine's day Evil Scale! Happy Valentine's day Mr. Measuring Tape!
Happy Valentine's day to me!
That said, my rule has always been that if it happens 2 days in a row, it's real. Today, Valentine's Day, is my day 2 under 200. I'm at day two of 196.
Happy Valentine's day Evil Scale! Happy Valentine's day Mr. Measuring Tape!
Happy Valentine's day to me!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The sweet song of food
For breakfast this morning I really wanted a Mexican omelet with home fries (the fresh kind with onions and green peppers and herbs) and bacon and sausage and a few English muffins. And orange juice.
I ate a small serving of oatmeal.
Between breakfast and lunch time I experienced an endless loop of porn-like orgies of food in my head. Cornish Pasty sounded amazing and there are so many flavor options! Or, a big plate of enchiladas sounded great - sooo cheesy and filling! Maybe my favorite Grilled cheese with Mozzarella, Basil and Tomato from Essence? Or perhaps it's polar opposite - a Big Mac with large hot fries and a *gasp* Coke! Then I remember the cheap Mexican food place and my eyes start slowly rolling back in my head as I picture biting into their gigantic burritos and insanely good and greasy tacos.
For lunch I had a Health Choice frozen meal - Five-Grain Chicken with Plum Sauce for just 310 calories.
I'm not strong. This is not willpower. Willpower would mean that I didn't want those things. Willpower would mean that I didn't stare at the drawer where my purse, and the accompanying car keys were just waiting for me to whisk them to calorie laden food heaven. If it was drive I would have listened to that little voice in my head that said "Eat your lunch and then go walk around the block to get in some extra exercise!"
Screw that little voice.
This is anger. Today it's not drive and determination that kept me on track. It's not willpower that helped me make the right decisions. I'm just pissed.
Three days ago I was 204 and for the last 2 days I have been 206. I partially blame my crap Evil Scale. But in the end, the only person I can be pissed with is me.
Why haven't I been drinking more water? Even though the water filter at work stopped working (The water now tastes like charcoal. Nasty.) I should have either remembered that gallon jug each day or I should have bought a new one at the store. I should have had more at night.
Why aren't I eating more fresh fruit and veggies? 1 meal a day is about all they get. I should be eating them several times a day.
Why have I let myself eat so much sodium? I was shocked when tracking my food on several days to realize how high my sodium had gotten. Why should I be shocked when it was almost all pre-processed food that day? Why didn't I plan better and balance the pre-processed with fresh foods? Heck, why aren't I planning out my meals at all???
Why did I stop tracking my fiber intake? I know that when I stop thinking about it I'm going to slip back to eating less, and yet hear I am averaging about 12-18g a day when I know I should be eating at least 24g.
I wanted that bad food. Wanted it bad. But this wouldn't have been a joyous afternoon delight food fantasy. It would have been a pity fuck.
And that, my little foodie friend, is not going to happen.
I ate a small serving of oatmeal.
Between breakfast and lunch time I experienced an endless loop of porn-like orgies of food in my head. Cornish Pasty sounded amazing and there are so many flavor options! Or, a big plate of enchiladas sounded great - sooo cheesy and filling! Maybe my favorite Grilled cheese with Mozzarella, Basil and Tomato from Essence? Or perhaps it's polar opposite - a Big Mac with large hot fries and a *gasp* Coke! Then I remember the cheap Mexican food place and my eyes start slowly rolling back in my head as I picture biting into their gigantic burritos and insanely good and greasy tacos.
For lunch I had a Health Choice frozen meal - Five-Grain Chicken with Plum Sauce for just 310 calories.
I'm not strong. This is not willpower. Willpower would mean that I didn't want those things. Willpower would mean that I didn't stare at the drawer where my purse, and the accompanying car keys were just waiting for me to whisk them to calorie laden food heaven. If it was drive I would have listened to that little voice in my head that said "Eat your lunch and then go walk around the block to get in some extra exercise!"
Screw that little voice.
This is anger. Today it's not drive and determination that kept me on track. It's not willpower that helped me make the right decisions. I'm just pissed.
Three days ago I was 204 and for the last 2 days I have been 206. I partially blame my crap Evil Scale. But in the end, the only person I can be pissed with is me.
Why haven't I been drinking more water? Even though the water filter at work stopped working (The water now tastes like charcoal. Nasty.) I should have either remembered that gallon jug each day or I should have bought a new one at the store. I should have had more at night.
Why aren't I eating more fresh fruit and veggies? 1 meal a day is about all they get. I should be eating them several times a day.
Why have I let myself eat so much sodium? I was shocked when tracking my food on several days to realize how high my sodium had gotten. Why should I be shocked when it was almost all pre-processed food that day? Why didn't I plan better and balance the pre-processed with fresh foods? Heck, why aren't I planning out my meals at all???
Why did I stop tracking my fiber intake? I know that when I stop thinking about it I'm going to slip back to eating less, and yet hear I am averaging about 12-18g a day when I know I should be eating at least 24g.
I wanted that bad food. Wanted it bad. But this wouldn't have been a joyous afternoon delight food fantasy. It would have been a pity fuck.
And that, my little foodie friend, is not going to happen.
Monday, January 14, 2008
A dose of reality
This is why I hate skinny people.
Ok, not skinny people [I have many skinny friends that I love and adore], but the never-been-anything-but-skinny people who write weight loss articles.
I decided to join this other website for a bit. Kick the tires. I have found some interesting tools, but I'm certainly not in love. Absolutely will never replace TDP. Starting to dislike it more and more. But as part of checking them out I said "Sure! Send me your daily healthy recipe email! I could take that and find some fun inspiration!"
Wait till you see what crap they sent me!!! Dreamy Chocolate Fudge!!! WTF?
Dreamy Chocolate Fudge
Serves: 50
Indulge with this creamy delight.
INGREDIENTS
1-1/2 cups sugar substitute
2/3 cup evaporated
2% milk
2 tablespoons stick butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups miniature marshmallows
1-1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips1 teaspoon vanilla
DIRECTIONS1. Combine sugar substitute, evaporated milk, butter and salt in a medium size heavy saucepan. Bring to a full rolling boil over medium heat, stirring frequently. Boil and stir 5 minutes. Remove from heat. 2. Stir in marshmallows, chocolate chips and vanilla until completely melted and smooth. Pour mixture into foil-lined 8-inch square pan. Refrigerate at least 2 hours or until firm to the touch. Remove foil from pan and fudge. Cut into squares. Refrigerate any remaining fudge
NUTRITION INFO
Calories: 38
Fat: 2.2 g
Carbohydrates: 5.8 g
Protein: 0.4 g
Worst of all - check out the servings. This recipe is supposed to make enough for serve 50! 50 servings of fudge? That's a lot of fudge. But wait - they make it in an 8x8 pan. Fckrs! That means each piece is 1.6 inches by .8 inches (approx 1 1/3 inch by 3/4 inch). Seriously. Yea, that's all the freaking fudge one person is going to f-ing want. Serves 50 my ass. Better yet - serves 50 my skinny friend's ass!
And if this fudge was cut into normal sized pieces? Say 2 inches by 2 inches? That's 16 servings. Which means the calorie count just went up to (Drum roll please....)
118.75 Calories
6.875 g Fat
18.125 g Carbs
1.25 g Protien
Listen. Folks want to lose weight. They really do. But what kind of f'd up advice is it to tell folks who obviously have issues eating well to MAKE FUDGE!!!
Want to lose weight? Eat fruit. Drink water. Exercise. Craving chocolate? Fat Free/Sugar free chocolate pudding is always good. Try one of the millions of 100 calorie pack options. Or ya know what? If you really want real chocolate - eat a small freaking piece of real chocolate. One square of Ghirardelli's Dark Chocolate is just 55 calories. Real chocolate.
It's all about moderation people. You don't make a whole pan of fudge when you're trying to be healthy. Because far too many of the folks that email was sent to would be far too likely to eat the whole pan of fudge. I got this email from them less than a week after joining their site, with no activity after the first day of joining. If Suzie is just 2 days into her weight loss, feeling weak and wanting support - what responsible group is going to send her a fudge recipe?
Let's get real.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Good-bye Holidays!
The holidays are finally done over and gone. Officially.
I'm not talking about the calendar - I'm talking about the evil pounds those few "cheat" days brought me. Was that gingerbread Christmas tree really worth it? Well, maybe not, but having that awesome black pepper bacon with gingerbread pancakes and mimosas on Christmas morning was pretty awesome. Awesome. But I'm really wishing I'd held back a bit more because I gained several pounds. And I'd just gotten to a new low - 208. Well, I bounced back to 212 one day. EEK! Now I know it was almost all sodium and not drinking enough water to flush it all out - but MAN it sucked to see it all pop right back. As of January 1st, I was back at 208 though. Whew!
Yesterday though is when the real magic happened. The Girlfriend decided she was completely committing herself to being healthier. She'd talked about it before, but yesterday she made the firm decision. I'm a bit concerned because she's not going at it with any kind of plan. But - she committed to joining the Biggest Loser Million Pound Challenge as a team. And through doing that, she's promised to blog about what she's doing and how she's feeling every other day (I started writing on the required site yesterday - we're going to trade days). This could be really great for her.
Most important - we're going to the gym today. I've been paying more than $50 a month for the two of us and I don't think we've gone since September. I was about to cancel the membership. Of course, now we're going to be going with all the other "New Years Resolution" folks so the place will be packed. But at least we're going. I have my bag packed and in the car. I'm already getting excited to go. (I think there might be something wrong with me)
One last note. Though it's in no way official as it's only been one day - I hit 206 today. If that turns out to be "real" in a second showing tomorrow, that will make a total of 26 pounds.
Pretty freaking impressive.
I'm not talking about the calendar - I'm talking about the evil pounds those few "cheat" days brought me. Was that gingerbread Christmas tree really worth it? Well, maybe not, but having that awesome black pepper bacon with gingerbread pancakes and mimosas on Christmas morning was pretty awesome. Awesome. But I'm really wishing I'd held back a bit more because I gained several pounds. And I'd just gotten to a new low - 208. Well, I bounced back to 212 one day. EEK! Now I know it was almost all sodium and not drinking enough water to flush it all out - but MAN it sucked to see it all pop right back. As of January 1st, I was back at 208 though. Whew!
Yesterday though is when the real magic happened. The Girlfriend decided she was completely committing herself to being healthier. She'd talked about it before, but yesterday she made the firm decision. I'm a bit concerned because she's not going at it with any kind of plan. But - she committed to joining the Biggest Loser Million Pound Challenge as a team. And through doing that, she's promised to blog about what she's doing and how she's feeling every other day (I started writing on the required site yesterday - we're going to trade days). This could be really great for her.
Most important - we're going to the gym today. I've been paying more than $50 a month for the two of us and I don't think we've gone since September. I was about to cancel the membership. Of course, now we're going to be going with all the other "New Years Resolution" folks so the place will be packed. But at least we're going. I have my bag packed and in the car. I'm already getting excited to go. (I think there might be something wrong with me)
One last note. Though it's in no way official as it's only been one day - I hit 206 today. If that turns out to be "real" in a second showing tomorrow, that will make a total of 26 pounds.
Pretty freaking impressive.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sick, but posting (don't expect much)
First it's just life getting busy. Then it's the holidays. Now I'm sick.
I was not destined to be a daily blogger apparently. Ah well. Isn't it the thought that counts?
This is a quick touch base because I really want to go back to bed and drink more hot tea - not necessarily in that order.
Well, after the last post it went back and stayed at 218 for a bit but I kept at it of course. I took a day off on Thanksgiving. Figured how could I possibly track all that home cooked food? I even ate a Happy Meal for lunch that day. What a rebel.
Today is my second day in a row at 214 which is wonderful - but part of me says it isn't real as I've been sick and just not as hungry as I might have been. The old rule was, 2 days in a row = the weight is real, so I'm going with it.
Haven't exercised in heavens knows how long. Sure, I've walked around the malls and been more active in some daily ways - but nothing as solid as going to the gym. The Girlfriend and I were talking just the other day and I said that at this rate we might as well just buy a treadmill because at $55 a month we could have bought one by now and hopefully we would have used it more if it was in the house. But I really did love that Pilates class. And I really do like going to the gym. Oh well. For today I'm not going because I'm sick. If excuses keep outnumbering my gym days, I may have to re-think that membership.
My biggest news? I'm eating carrots. Not right now, but I'm eating them on a regular basis. Cold with dinner. Chopped in salads. Shredded in sandwiches. I'm shocked. I never thought I'd do that. And I have a feeling that's just an "entry" veggie. Today I chopped up some celery, onion and apple into my chicken salad. Yesterday I bought jicama to put into my salad some time this week. It may be a slow process to bring veggies back into regular circulation - but as with everything else here I know baby steps will get me a lot farther than doing nothing had ever done for me!
One calorie. One work out. One veggie. One post. One step at a time.
I was not destined to be a daily blogger apparently. Ah well. Isn't it the thought that counts?
This is a quick touch base because I really want to go back to bed and drink more hot tea - not necessarily in that order.
Well, after the last post it went back and stayed at 218 for a bit but I kept at it of course. I took a day off on Thanksgiving. Figured how could I possibly track all that home cooked food? I even ate a Happy Meal for lunch that day. What a rebel.
Today is my second day in a row at 214 which is wonderful - but part of me says it isn't real as I've been sick and just not as hungry as I might have been. The old rule was, 2 days in a row = the weight is real, so I'm going with it.
Haven't exercised in heavens knows how long. Sure, I've walked around the malls and been more active in some daily ways - but nothing as solid as going to the gym. The Girlfriend and I were talking just the other day and I said that at this rate we might as well just buy a treadmill because at $55 a month we could have bought one by now and hopefully we would have used it more if it was in the house. But I really did love that Pilates class. And I really do like going to the gym. Oh well. For today I'm not going because I'm sick. If excuses keep outnumbering my gym days, I may have to re-think that membership.
My biggest news? I'm eating carrots. Not right now, but I'm eating them on a regular basis. Cold with dinner. Chopped in salads. Shredded in sandwiches. I'm shocked. I never thought I'd do that. And I have a feeling that's just an "entry" veggie. Today I chopped up some celery, onion and apple into my chicken salad. Yesterday I bought jicama to put into my salad some time this week. It may be a slow process to bring veggies back into regular circulation - but as with everything else here I know baby steps will get me a lot farther than doing nothing had ever done for me!
One calorie. One work out. One veggie. One post. One step at a time.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Another baby step forward
217!!!!!!
Never before has such a big number looked so small! After 2 weeks of hanging out with 220, this was a wonderful surprise this morning. Even if I move around a bit, I'm ok with that from day to day. But to finally see a new low number is just amazing!
When walking by a mirror this afternoon something in my head said - I have more neck. And sure enough - I seem to have just the tiniest bit more neck and less chin today. Funny how that stuff works... But there is was. Or should I say wasn't...
So, I miss fast food (Oh Taco Bell, you sweet mistress...), I miss our traditional home cooked meals (Fried chicken, Fried pork chops, Fried catfish... you get the idea), and I SOOOO miss going out to eat all the time - but I don't miss the extra pounds at ALL. :)
Never before has such a big number looked so small! After 2 weeks of hanging out with 220, this was a wonderful surprise this morning. Even if I move around a bit, I'm ok with that from day to day. But to finally see a new low number is just amazing!
When walking by a mirror this afternoon something in my head said - I have more neck. And sure enough - I seem to have just the tiniest bit more neck and less chin today. Funny how that stuff works... But there is was. Or should I say wasn't...
So, I miss fast food (Oh Taco Bell, you sweet mistress...), I miss our traditional home cooked meals (Fried chicken, Fried pork chops, Fried catfish... you get the idea), and I SOOOO miss going out to eat all the time - but I don't miss the extra pounds at ALL. :)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Goals: Through the eyes of others
Today I put out a request to one of the groups I'm in on TDP (That's The Daily Plate for those of you that haven't been paying attention) to get their advice. I've been no lower than 220 since Oct 27th, with 7 days between now and then being a bit higher. So, I asked them to look at what I was eating, and the exercise I was tracking and tell me what I'm doing wrong.
I think they did a great job - though all saw something different. Here are the basics. Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Eat more fiber. Eat more in general - my calories are again slipping too low. Watch out for sodium. Get a regular work out routine that includes both cardio and weight training.
Simple enough right? Except I knew all these things needed to happen before. I've become MUCH more aware of sodium. I know I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies and I'm trying to make it more of a conscious thing. Haven't found that magical formula yet. And yes - I know I need to work out more regularly. I think The Girlfriend and I go back and forth blaming who's at fault for us not going. Right now I'm not going because I've been working long hours, then coming home to make dinner (freaking cooking taking all that time...) and then working on my big event this weekend. So yea - no gym time. I'd like that to change next week, but seriously - during Thanksgiving? I don't think so...
Here's what I saw when I read it all. I need to have a plan. I need to know what I'm going to eat for dinner when I leave for work so I know if it's a big snack day or a light one. I need to plan when I'm getting in those fruits and veggies. I need to know that it's going to be a heavy sodium dinner to I need to take a light sodium lunch. And I need to plan for the gym.
I have a sick fantasy about getting up early and going to the gym before work. But I'm a night person - NOT a morning person. Not sure I could really pull that one off. If I haven't come up with a better plan by January though - I think I might have to give it a shot. Maybe.
Crap. We'll see.
Let's get through Thanksgiving first.
I think they did a great job - though all saw something different. Here are the basics. Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Eat more fiber. Eat more in general - my calories are again slipping too low. Watch out for sodium. Get a regular work out routine that includes both cardio and weight training.
Simple enough right? Except I knew all these things needed to happen before. I've become MUCH more aware of sodium. I know I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies and I'm trying to make it more of a conscious thing. Haven't found that magical formula yet. And yes - I know I need to work out more regularly. I think The Girlfriend and I go back and forth blaming who's at fault for us not going. Right now I'm not going because I've been working long hours, then coming home to make dinner (freaking cooking taking all that time...) and then working on my big event this weekend. So yea - no gym time. I'd like that to change next week, but seriously - during Thanksgiving? I don't think so...
Here's what I saw when I read it all. I need to have a plan. I need to know what I'm going to eat for dinner when I leave for work so I know if it's a big snack day or a light one. I need to plan when I'm getting in those fruits and veggies. I need to know that it's going to be a heavy sodium dinner to I need to take a light sodium lunch. And I need to plan for the gym.
I have a sick fantasy about getting up early and going to the gym before work. But I'm a night person - NOT a morning person. Not sure I could really pull that one off. If I haven't come up with a better plan by January though - I think I might have to give it a shot. Maybe.
Crap. We'll see.
Let's get through Thanksgiving first.
Friday, November 9, 2007
To my regular reader:
Apparently I have one regular reader.
MY SCALE!
I guess it didn't like me talking about it last night. I guess it thought it was funny. I guess it thought it would show me who's who.
Today - 225.
I haven't been that high since October 18th - almost a month ago. But today - it taunts me.
Well I have news for you Mr. Scale. You may have the power of the numbers, but I have the power of the garbage truck. Want to see how those digits love the compressor at the dump? Just keep it up. The real estate you have on my bathroom floor is on a day-to-day lease that can be revoked at any time. You don't even give me decimals. You can easily be replaced by a newer, prettier and more agreeable machine. Mess with me - I mess with you. Keep mama happy and your spot is secured.
You've been warned.
MY SCALE!
I guess it didn't like me talking about it last night. I guess it thought it was funny. I guess it thought it would show me who's who.
Today - 225.
I haven't been that high since October 18th - almost a month ago. But today - it taunts me.
Well I have news for you Mr. Scale. You may have the power of the numbers, but I have the power of the garbage truck. Want to see how those digits love the compressor at the dump? Just keep it up. The real estate you have on my bathroom floor is on a day-to-day lease that can be revoked at any time. You don't even give me decimals. You can easily be replaced by a newer, prettier and more agreeable machine. Mess with me - I mess with you. Keep mama happy and your spot is secured.
You've been warned.
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