I was doing so good. And then....
BAM! 15-18 hour days including ALL weekend!
BAM! The Girlfriend gets sick and can't cook anything healthy!
BAM! I'm extra hungry due to lack of sleep and stress.
So we ordered pizza. But for only a few bucks more than 1 pizza their special is for 3 so we get 3. And as I'm so busy it becomes Dinner that night, and then lunch and dinner the next.
Tuesday morning, after only about 3.5 hrs of sleep as I'm heading off to the airport I weigh myself - something I hadn't had time to do in 3 days. 194. Fuck!
And then there is traveling....
This is my first time traveling w/ only carry-on luggage. I don't know if I'll be able to do it again. No room for a jacket - sudden thunderstorms my first night. No room for my "healthy" snacks -and no healthy food nearby. No rental car and of course this time I get a suite with a full kitchen.
So tonight, I head out in weather where everyone in the lobby says it looks like a hurricane is coming (hurricane is actually a state over...), with rain starting to come down and winds whipping up a storm, while wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. I ask about healthy options, but none is in quick walking distance, and how much walking do I need to do in this weather. I end up in a diner and there is nothing close to healthy. I could have done better than this, but I got a big juicy patty melt with fries. As I was finishing my dinner I saw that a nearby table had gotten a huge piece of cake. I have seriously been jonesing for chocolate cake. I gave in and bought some ho-ho's last week to just get a similar taste without buying the whole cake (which may sound strange, but it worked temporarily for far less calories). I immediately wanted it. Badly. So, as I left I got a big piece of chocolate cake - figuring it would be dessert tonight and breakfast tomorrow and I walk home with it firm in that conviction through the pouring rain. Well... it's gone. That thing was SO good! And they have about 8 other varieties of cake (including red velvet that looked SO good) and it's right across the street. But of course tomorrow is a client dinner that is at a southern food restaurant - client picked the location. Nice.
Do airplanes hate me? Is there something in airplane air that destroys all sense of willpower and purpose?
I can't figure it out, but I'm not myself today. Or rather, I'm my old non-healthy self today. Ah.. I remember it well. Not thinking about food. Just getting what looked good. Eating things based on how they tasted, not based on the numbers on the side of the box. Happy times and easy times - but fat times.
Tonight I go to sleep, full of hope (and chocolate cake) that tomorrow will be a slightly happier, dryer and healthier day.
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Hiya Kristin - I'm Brian's friend Amy - just clicked over to your blog and wanted to comment - I KNOW the downward spiral - mine has lasted two years and a substantial weight gain. I'm doing good, then I get down and then I eat bad and then it becomes a cycle of "tomorrow, I'll eat better - so today I eat cake AGAIN."
Just TRY to remember how hard it was to get where you are and how good you feel when you're on track and forgive the small errors in judgement. Remember, you have to treat yourself, too - it's not "bad" it's almost prescribed to have a little fun - just try to remember how yummy an apple can be when you're reaching for the snickers. Easier said than done, I totally know. Everytime I make excuses all day for not working out and then when I resist and DO I'm totally blown away by how happy it makes me - why is that so hard to remember?
I start the crazy cookie diet Tuesday - wish me luck (and strength)!
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