Feeling it again

My focus was gone. But it is back. It is so back.

I am feeling the bones in my hands in a new way when I wash my hands. The other day it hit me that it felt "different". My first mental image was that I was washing someone else's hands. They were so... skeletal? I'm still fat for sure, but my hands felt downright dainty.

That same day when washing my face in the shower I really "felt" my jaw line and cheek bones. Was it my gently diminishing face or my newly skeletal hands?

And last week I had my arms crossed and it hit me that the meaty part of my arm right below my elbow felt much smaller. I still had tons to squeeze of course, but it felt a bit mushier. More on it's way out than previously.

Yesterday, it was something new. My upper legs. Siting in a, well, familiar seat were one often sits without pants I was struck that something looked "different". It was my fat. My fat looked different in my upper leg. Less all one chunk, and a bit more loose and ready to move. It's a pattern I've noticed in other parts of my body. First, the fat "loosens up" a bit - then it just goes away. Well, it at least changes a bit. Still fat. Still clear on that. Still have miles and miles to go. But I have a few less steps. Today is my 3rd day at 194. Ya know what that means? 40 pounds. That is so insane to me. Completely unrealistic. Almost as bizarre as how lose my pants have become. I never would have believed it was possible.

I slipped. I lost focus. I never gave up, and I'm actually pretty proud of that. I just temporarily took my eye off the ball.

It's back, baby. It's back.

Next stop? Size 16. What was once an impossible dream is now my next realistic goal. So bring it on. I'm ready. I'm up for the fight. Me and my skeletal hands will take you down one glass of water at a time.