I was doing so good. And then....
BAM! 15-18 hour days including ALL weekend!
BAM! The Girlfriend gets sick and can't cook anything healthy!
BAM! I'm extra hungry due to lack of sleep and stress.
So we ordered pizza. But for only a few bucks more than 1 pizza their special is for 3 so we get 3. And as I'm so busy it becomes Dinner that night, and then lunch and dinner the next.
Tuesday morning, after only about 3.5 hrs of sleep as I'm heading off to the airport I weigh myself - something I hadn't had time to do in 3 days. 194. Fuck!
And then there is traveling....
This is my first time traveling w/ only carry-on luggage. I don't know if I'll be able to do it again. No room for a jacket - sudden thunderstorms my first night. No room for my "healthy" snacks -and no healthy food nearby. No rental car and of course this time I get a suite with a full kitchen.
So tonight, I head out in weather where everyone in the lobby says it looks like a hurricane is coming (hurricane is actually a state over...), with rain starting to come down and winds whipping up a storm, while wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. I ask about healthy options, but none is in quick walking distance, and how much walking do I need to do in this weather. I end up in a diner and there is nothing close to healthy. I could have done better than this, but I got a big juicy patty melt with fries. As I was finishing my dinner I saw that a nearby table had gotten a huge piece of cake. I have seriously been jonesing for chocolate cake. I gave in and bought some ho-ho's last week to just get a similar taste without buying the whole cake (which may sound strange, but it worked temporarily for far less calories). I immediately wanted it. Badly. So, as I left I got a big piece of chocolate cake - figuring it would be dessert tonight and breakfast tomorrow and I walk home with it firm in that conviction through the pouring rain. Well... it's gone. That thing was SO good! And they have about 8 other varieties of cake (including red velvet that looked SO good) and it's right across the street. But of course tomorrow is a client dinner that is at a southern food restaurant - client picked the location. Nice.
Do airplanes hate me? Is there something in airplane air that destroys all sense of willpower and purpose?
I can't figure it out, but I'm not myself today. Or rather, I'm my old non-healthy self today. Ah.. I remember it well. Not thinking about food. Just getting what looked good. Eating things based on how they tasted, not based on the numbers on the side of the box. Happy times and easy times - but fat times.
Tonight I go to sleep, full of hope (and chocolate cake) that tomorrow will be a slightly happier, dryer and healthier day.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
5 down, oh so many to go...
I am a bad, bad girl.
Bad. Bad Girl.
How could it have been 2 weeks since my last post? I know life is a bit of a blur these days, but there are so many times that I meant to post something that somehow I feel that at least one of those should have counted and turned into a real post but I suppose that's not really how it happens now is it? Oh, if only that were the only way I was bad.
It's been well documented that I've been eating crap. Crap, crap and more crap. Crap-o-la. I tried to toss in at least one healthy meal a day, but that was quickly taken over by sudden cravings for Doritos or chocolate or Pizza. And I gave in. I was weak. One weak behavior begot another and it never quite seemed like it was "time" to go 100% back to being healthy.
And then Mr. Scale showed me 197.
But I wasn't mad at Mr. Scale - I was mad at myself. I did it all to myself. I could have been in the 170's by now if I'd kept up with it and instead I let myself not just be dormant, but actually gain back a few pounds through sloppy eating choices. To suddenly see 3 pounds away from the dreaded 200 was enough to get me off my butt. That was July 9th. I started tracking my calories again on TDP immediately. Even though with the new job I had "no time" I knew I had to find the time. I had to make it happen.
Turns out, my body didn't really want that extra weight. Through normal healthy eating I've been really surprised at the results.
July 9 - 197
July 11 - 196
July 12 - 194
July 13 - 193
July 14 - 192
Fine - tell me it's water weight. Tell me it's whatever you want to call it. All I know is I'm down 5lbs in less than a week so I'm over the moon.
My next challenge? I go out of town in a week, and I've always allowed myself to make less than ideal food decisions when traveling for work. This time it will have the additional challenge of a) Being in Atlanta where I hear the food is amazing and b) Being car-less so all my food must be within walking distance. No fridge, no microwave, no grocery store.
In my ideal world I'd have one suitcase just for bottled water, fruit, 100 calorie snacks and of course Mr. Evil Scale. Hmmm... do they make traveling scales? Perhaps it's time to give Mr. Scale a friend...
Bad. Bad Girl.
How could it have been 2 weeks since my last post? I know life is a bit of a blur these days, but there are so many times that I meant to post something that somehow I feel that at least one of those should have counted and turned into a real post but I suppose that's not really how it happens now is it? Oh, if only that were the only way I was bad.
It's been well documented that I've been eating crap. Crap, crap and more crap. Crap-o-la. I tried to toss in at least one healthy meal a day, but that was quickly taken over by sudden cravings for Doritos or chocolate or Pizza. And I gave in. I was weak. One weak behavior begot another and it never quite seemed like it was "time" to go 100% back to being healthy.
And then Mr. Scale showed me 197.
But I wasn't mad at Mr. Scale - I was mad at myself. I did it all to myself. I could have been in the 170's by now if I'd kept up with it and instead I let myself not just be dormant, but actually gain back a few pounds through sloppy eating choices. To suddenly see 3 pounds away from the dreaded 200 was enough to get me off my butt. That was July 9th. I started tracking my calories again on TDP immediately. Even though with the new job I had "no time" I knew I had to find the time. I had to make it happen.
Turns out, my body didn't really want that extra weight. Through normal healthy eating I've been really surprised at the results.
July 9 - 197
July 11 - 196
July 12 - 194
July 13 - 193
July 14 - 192
Fine - tell me it's water weight. Tell me it's whatever you want to call it. All I know is I'm down 5lbs in less than a week so I'm over the moon.
My next challenge? I go out of town in a week, and I've always allowed myself to make less than ideal food decisions when traveling for work. This time it will have the additional challenge of a) Being in Atlanta where I hear the food is amazing and b) Being car-less so all my food must be within walking distance. No fridge, no microwave, no grocery store.
In my ideal world I'd have one suitcase just for bottled water, fruit, 100 calorie snacks and of course Mr. Evil Scale. Hmmm... do they make traveling scales? Perhaps it's time to give Mr. Scale a friend...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Let me eat cake
Tomorrow I eat cake. Ok, well, I actually chose to go with giant cupcakes instead of cake this year. So... mini-cakes. Tomorrow I eat cake and pizza and non-diet soda. That was my splurge, right?
Oh the crap that I have eaten in the last few days. I haven't even bothered to get on the scale because the result would surely scare the crap out of me.
On my birthday, a Wednesday, we went out for Mexican food. Then we went to the grocery store. I wanted dessert and figured maybe I'd get something sweet there while I picked up some salad and stuff for the week. I got fresh baked cookies from the bakery. I was actually craving that EXACT cookie all day, so when I saw them there, I had to get them. Chewy chocolate cookies with pecans. I don't even like freaking nuts and yet I had been fantisizing about these dang cookies. I got two containers. I call them Birthday Cookies now. I say hello to them every time I pass them in the kitchen. "Hi Birthday Cookies!" "Good Morning Birthday Cookies!" "Well hello Birhtday Cookies - you're looking lovely and smelling great today!" Over the next 2 days I ate about 3 a day. Still have about 3 left from container #1 as of Saturday night. Not as bad as I could have been - sure, but not really healthy either.
The next day we go to Costco to order the cake and pick up some healthy cereal for me as I'm out. We eat Costco Pizza and I give in to non-diet soda. I'm a bad, bad girl. Lucky for me they weren't offering samples that day...
Friday we go out to eat at a new Cajun spot. Honestly, while it waasn't exactly great, the gumbo wasn't TOO bad. Chicken and sausage, but there wasn't much sausage. Mostly rice and fresh veggies. But the potato salad, mac & chees and those lovely hushpuppies weren't exactly diet food.
Saturday breakfast started good, as it always does, but it was pretty much down hill from there. Fast food fried chicken sandwich, fries and a non-diet coke for lunch. M&M's in the movie. Starbucks at the store. Soft pretzel at the mall. Around 9pm I realize I haven't had any water yet today. And the closest thing to a vegetable were the pieces of soggy tomato I bit into before I pulled them off my sandwich at lunch. Wow. I suck.
Do I want to try to say that I needed this time? It would be a lie. But it certainly would be a convenient one. Really, it's just a matter of allowing travel to let me fall back into old habits. I need to MAKE myself work harder both when I'm at home and when I travel. Looking at the food in the aisles at the store today just made me angry. It was all SO bad for you. But it was easy. It was convenient. It was my reminder. Easy and convenient is what got me to 235. I am never, never, never going to be there again. I can't keep sliding. An off day - heck an off week can't derail me the way it has recently. Time to pick myself up by the bootstraps. [Since I don't wear boots should that be bra straps? Not sure...]
I will allow 1 more bad day because it's already planned and I know that even if I was being healthy the rest of the time I'd let myself splurge for my birthday. But as of Monday it's back to the scale. By the end of the week I want to have measurments too. Scares the crap out of me, but it has to happen. Because the results of doing nothing, staying in this cycle of crap, scares me even more.
Oh the crap that I have eaten in the last few days. I haven't even bothered to get on the scale because the result would surely scare the crap out of me.
On my birthday, a Wednesday, we went out for Mexican food. Then we went to the grocery store. I wanted dessert and figured maybe I'd get something sweet there while I picked up some salad and stuff for the week. I got fresh baked cookies from the bakery. I was actually craving that EXACT cookie all day, so when I saw them there, I had to get them. Chewy chocolate cookies with pecans. I don't even like freaking nuts and yet I had been fantisizing about these dang cookies. I got two containers. I call them Birthday Cookies now. I say hello to them every time I pass them in the kitchen. "Hi Birthday Cookies!" "Good Morning Birthday Cookies!" "Well hello Birhtday Cookies - you're looking lovely and smelling great today!" Over the next 2 days I ate about 3 a day. Still have about 3 left from container #1 as of Saturday night. Not as bad as I could have been - sure, but not really healthy either.
The next day we go to Costco to order the cake and pick up some healthy cereal for me as I'm out. We eat Costco Pizza and I give in to non-diet soda. I'm a bad, bad girl. Lucky for me they weren't offering samples that day...
Friday we go out to eat at a new Cajun spot. Honestly, while it waasn't exactly great, the gumbo wasn't TOO bad. Chicken and sausage, but there wasn't much sausage. Mostly rice and fresh veggies. But the potato salad, mac & chees and those lovely hushpuppies weren't exactly diet food.
Saturday breakfast started good, as it always does, but it was pretty much down hill from there. Fast food fried chicken sandwich, fries and a non-diet coke for lunch. M&M's in the movie. Starbucks at the store. Soft pretzel at the mall. Around 9pm I realize I haven't had any water yet today. And the closest thing to a vegetable were the pieces of soggy tomato I bit into before I pulled them off my sandwich at lunch. Wow. I suck.
Do I want to try to say that I needed this time? It would be a lie. But it certainly would be a convenient one. Really, it's just a matter of allowing travel to let me fall back into old habits. I need to MAKE myself work harder both when I'm at home and when I travel. Looking at the food in the aisles at the store today just made me angry. It was all SO bad for you. But it was easy. It was convenient. It was my reminder. Easy and convenient is what got me to 235. I am never, never, never going to be there again. I can't keep sliding. An off day - heck an off week can't derail me the way it has recently. Time to pick myself up by the bootstraps. [Since I don't wear boots should that be bra straps? Not sure...]
I will allow 1 more bad day because it's already planned and I know that even if I was being healthy the rest of the time I'd let myself splurge for my birthday. But as of Monday it's back to the scale. By the end of the week I want to have measurments too. Scares the crap out of me, but it has to happen. Because the results of doing nothing, staying in this cycle of crap, scares me even more.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Happy not-so-healthy birthday to me!
Today I made plans for my birthday. The plans involve pizza and cake. None of these things will be the "healthy versions". I may give in to some non-diet soda as well because something about pizza + bowling alley = either Root Beer or Cherry Coke, and these things rarely come in diet at a bowling alley.
Not quite healthy.
Today I planned to do an early dinner so we could FINALLY make it out to the gym. It's only been 3-4 months. Insane. I'm paying a whole lot for the pleasure of holding a card in my pocket. So we made plans to go. And what happened? She was tired. I was swamped with work. Excuses given, gym excused. So what did we do after dinner? Watch tv and share some ice cream. It felt awesome at the time. Some nice cozy at home time. Then I realize I have to be asleep in 90 minutes, still haven't done most of the work that was my reason for staying home in the first place and now I have to stay up to do it all which means I'm getting less sleep. More stress. Less sleep. Less exercise.
Not healthy at all.
While I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing anything either. I tried using TDP the other day and it lasted 2 days. I'm just SO busy in the new job that I don't feel like I have the time. It requires planning to eat healthy. Who has time for planning?
Sigh... I need to. The Girlfriend said she really wants to get the house healthy again. She wants me to start eating healthy again because she knows how much I enjoyed it (most of the time) and how it made me feel good about myself. Right now I feel fat - super fat. When so much of this process is mental - it's a sad fact that I am already feeling a bit defeated when in actuality I've been decently successful prior to the new job.
I need to find that thing. That motivator. That kick in the pants.
But first, I'm eating my frickin' birthday cake.
Not quite healthy.
Today I planned to do an early dinner so we could FINALLY make it out to the gym. It's only been 3-4 months. Insane. I'm paying a whole lot for the pleasure of holding a card in my pocket. So we made plans to go. And what happened? She was tired. I was swamped with work. Excuses given, gym excused. So what did we do after dinner? Watch tv and share some ice cream. It felt awesome at the time. Some nice cozy at home time. Then I realize I have to be asleep in 90 minutes, still haven't done most of the work that was my reason for staying home in the first place and now I have to stay up to do it all which means I'm getting less sleep. More stress. Less sleep. Less exercise.
Not healthy at all.
While I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing anything either. I tried using TDP the other day and it lasted 2 days. I'm just SO busy in the new job that I don't feel like I have the time. It requires planning to eat healthy. Who has time for planning?
Sigh... I need to. The Girlfriend said she really wants to get the house healthy again. She wants me to start eating healthy again because she knows how much I enjoyed it (most of the time) and how it made me feel good about myself. Right now I feel fat - super fat. When so much of this process is mental - it's a sad fact that I am already feeling a bit defeated when in actuality I've been decently successful prior to the new job.
I need to find that thing. That motivator. That kick in the pants.
But first, I'm eating my frickin' birthday cake.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
My old nemesis
Left for Business trip (Sunday) - 190
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Nebraska Dreaming
I walked to work today. Then, I walked to Starbucks. Twice. Then, I walked home. Then, after a few hours of working, I walked to dinner. I thought about walking across the street to grab a movie at the theater, but there wasn't really enough time. Then, I walked home.
I love this city.
I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Huskers, to visit with one of our call centers out here. They are right across from the University in lovely downtown Lincoln. And I'm in love. I walk everywhere. I CAN walk everywhere. It's like a green heaven. Well, unless you consider that I had to fly to get here. Takes some of the green out of it. And - when I asked about the nearest grocery store where I could pick up some water and fruit, it was a 5-10 min drive. Is this bad? Not for some mom & pop shop where the guy has been polishing apples and putting them in a pyramid for the last 40 some years. But finding the place closed at 7:50pm on a weekday hurt just a little bit.
Now I'm absolutely dying for Phoenix to "catch up" with the downtown they've got going here. Oh, I know it will never be the same - we just don't have the same # of historical buildings all close together and walkable-like. But man - when I see how amazing it can be, and how well it can all work together - I'll admit I'm more than a bit jealous.
Oh - and I have a great hotel and I'm not sick. How much more do I love this place?
Tons.
So, flying here isn't green. But this city certainly can be - and pretty easily. I wonder how many cities don't even realize how good they've got it. And, I'm wondering how willing I'd be to trade in my 2K+ Square feet, 2 car garage and back yard with future fruit trees for an awesome downtown spot if I thought my downtown could ever be close to this? Or, even if it couldn't?
Off to dream in green....
I love this city.
I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Huskers, to visit with one of our call centers out here. They are right across from the University in lovely downtown Lincoln. And I'm in love. I walk everywhere. I CAN walk everywhere. It's like a green heaven. Well, unless you consider that I had to fly to get here. Takes some of the green out of it. And - when I asked about the nearest grocery store where I could pick up some water and fruit, it was a 5-10 min drive. Is this bad? Not for some mom & pop shop where the guy has been polishing apples and putting them in a pyramid for the last 40 some years. But finding the place closed at 7:50pm on a weekday hurt just a little bit.
Now I'm absolutely dying for Phoenix to "catch up" with the downtown they've got going here. Oh, I know it will never be the same - we just don't have the same # of historical buildings all close together and walkable-like. But man - when I see how amazing it can be, and how well it can all work together - I'll admit I'm more than a bit jealous.
Oh - and I have a great hotel and I'm not sick. How much more do I love this place?
Tons.
So, flying here isn't green. But this city certainly can be - and pretty easily. I wonder how many cities don't even realize how good they've got it. And, I'm wondering how willing I'd be to trade in my 2K+ Square feet, 2 car garage and back yard with future fruit trees for an awesome downtown spot if I thought my downtown could ever be close to this? Or, even if it couldn't?
Off to dream in green....
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