Tomorrow I eat cake. Ok, well, I actually chose to go with giant cupcakes instead of cake this year. So... mini-cakes. Tomorrow I eat cake and pizza and non-diet soda. That was my splurge, right?
Oh the crap that I have eaten in the last few days. I haven't even bothered to get on the scale because the result would surely scare the crap out of me.
On my birthday, a Wednesday, we went out for Mexican food. Then we went to the grocery store. I wanted dessert and figured maybe I'd get something sweet there while I picked up some salad and stuff for the week. I got fresh baked cookies from the bakery. I was actually craving that EXACT cookie all day, so when I saw them there, I had to get them. Chewy chocolate cookies with pecans. I don't even like freaking nuts and yet I had been fantisizing about these dang cookies. I got two containers. I call them Birthday Cookies now. I say hello to them every time I pass them in the kitchen. "Hi Birthday Cookies!" "Good Morning Birthday Cookies!" "Well hello Birhtday Cookies - you're looking lovely and smelling great today!" Over the next 2 days I ate about 3 a day. Still have about 3 left from container #1 as of Saturday night. Not as bad as I could have been - sure, but not really healthy either.
The next day we go to Costco to order the cake and pick up some healthy cereal for me as I'm out. We eat Costco Pizza and I give in to non-diet soda. I'm a bad, bad girl. Lucky for me they weren't offering samples that day...
Friday we go out to eat at a new Cajun spot. Honestly, while it waasn't exactly great, the gumbo wasn't TOO bad. Chicken and sausage, but there wasn't much sausage. Mostly rice and fresh veggies. But the potato salad, mac & chees and those lovely hushpuppies weren't exactly diet food.
Saturday breakfast started good, as it always does, but it was pretty much down hill from there. Fast food fried chicken sandwich, fries and a non-diet coke for lunch. M&M's in the movie. Starbucks at the store. Soft pretzel at the mall. Around 9pm I realize I haven't had any water yet today. And the closest thing to a vegetable were the pieces of soggy tomato I bit into before I pulled them off my sandwich at lunch. Wow. I suck.
Do I want to try to say that I needed this time? It would be a lie. But it certainly would be a convenient one. Really, it's just a matter of allowing travel to let me fall back into old habits. I need to MAKE myself work harder both when I'm at home and when I travel. Looking at the food in the aisles at the store today just made me angry. It was all SO bad for you. But it was easy. It was convenient. It was my reminder. Easy and convenient is what got me to 235. I am never, never, never going to be there again. I can't keep sliding. An off day - heck an off week can't derail me the way it has recently. Time to pick myself up by the bootstraps. [Since I don't wear boots should that be bra straps? Not sure...]
I will allow 1 more bad day because it's already planned and I know that even if I was being healthy the rest of the time I'd let myself splurge for my birthday. But as of Monday it's back to the scale. By the end of the week I want to have measurments too. Scares the crap out of me, but it has to happen. Because the results of doing nothing, staying in this cycle of crap, scares me even more.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Happy not-so-healthy birthday to me!
Today I made plans for my birthday. The plans involve pizza and cake. None of these things will be the "healthy versions". I may give in to some non-diet soda as well because something about pizza + bowling alley = either Root Beer or Cherry Coke, and these things rarely come in diet at a bowling alley.
Not quite healthy.
Today I planned to do an early dinner so we could FINALLY make it out to the gym. It's only been 3-4 months. Insane. I'm paying a whole lot for the pleasure of holding a card in my pocket. So we made plans to go. And what happened? She was tired. I was swamped with work. Excuses given, gym excused. So what did we do after dinner? Watch tv and share some ice cream. It felt awesome at the time. Some nice cozy at home time. Then I realize I have to be asleep in 90 minutes, still haven't done most of the work that was my reason for staying home in the first place and now I have to stay up to do it all which means I'm getting less sleep. More stress. Less sleep. Less exercise.
Not healthy at all.
While I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing anything either. I tried using TDP the other day and it lasted 2 days. I'm just SO busy in the new job that I don't feel like I have the time. It requires planning to eat healthy. Who has time for planning?
Sigh... I need to. The Girlfriend said she really wants to get the house healthy again. She wants me to start eating healthy again because she knows how much I enjoyed it (most of the time) and how it made me feel good about myself. Right now I feel fat - super fat. When so much of this process is mental - it's a sad fact that I am already feeling a bit defeated when in actuality I've been decently successful prior to the new job.
I need to find that thing. That motivator. That kick in the pants.
But first, I'm eating my frickin' birthday cake.
Not quite healthy.
Today I planned to do an early dinner so we could FINALLY make it out to the gym. It's only been 3-4 months. Insane. I'm paying a whole lot for the pleasure of holding a card in my pocket. So we made plans to go. And what happened? She was tired. I was swamped with work. Excuses given, gym excused. So what did we do after dinner? Watch tv and share some ice cream. It felt awesome at the time. Some nice cozy at home time. Then I realize I have to be asleep in 90 minutes, still haven't done most of the work that was my reason for staying home in the first place and now I have to stay up to do it all which means I'm getting less sleep. More stress. Less sleep. Less exercise.
Not healthy at all.
While I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing anything either. I tried using TDP the other day and it lasted 2 days. I'm just SO busy in the new job that I don't feel like I have the time. It requires planning to eat healthy. Who has time for planning?
Sigh... I need to. The Girlfriend said she really wants to get the house healthy again. She wants me to start eating healthy again because she knows how much I enjoyed it (most of the time) and how it made me feel good about myself. Right now I feel fat - super fat. When so much of this process is mental - it's a sad fact that I am already feeling a bit defeated when in actuality I've been decently successful prior to the new job.
I need to find that thing. That motivator. That kick in the pants.
But first, I'm eating my frickin' birthday cake.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
My old nemesis
Left for Business trip (Sunday) - 190
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Back from Business trip (the next Saturday) - 192
After 1 full day of being at home and realizing it was THAT time of the month (Monday) - 194
After bad but not awful eating the very next freaking day (Tuesday) - 196
Well hello, Evil Scale. How nice of you to drop by again. It certainly can be good to get a reminder now and then that one days eating habits can have a rather nasty effect on the next day's numbers. That said, let's be honest. I did not gain 4 pounds in 3 days. While there were times that I wished I could eat that much, I did not. Now I know I've slacked a bit. I know I haven't had enough fiber and water. I know I haven't tracked my food since before I left town. I know the Dairy Queen dipped cone last night was not a necessary thing. But a little soft serve does not a pound make.
Now, you know it's a rough time for me as I have guests in town and many of the restaurants we'll be going do not have much in the way of healthy choices. I know it's my decision to go there anyhow. But your current behavior is your choice too. You don't have to choose to round up. You don't have to choose to add on your extra "I think you're going the wrong direction" lbs just to catch my attention. Trust me - 1 lb in the wrong direction is MORE than enough to catch it. But 4 lbs in 3 days?
We'll let's just say that if you have the continued need to pad the figures and round up then I may have to choose to get that sleek new digital scale that has detail to the tenth pound (one decimal point) that I've been thinking about. You do your part and I will do mine.
Sound like a good deal? I hope so, because it's the only one you're going to get.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Nebraska Dreaming
I walked to work today. Then, I walked to Starbucks. Twice. Then, I walked home. Then, after a few hours of working, I walked to dinner. I thought about walking across the street to grab a movie at the theater, but there wasn't really enough time. Then, I walked home.
I love this city.
I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Huskers, to visit with one of our call centers out here. They are right across from the University in lovely downtown Lincoln. And I'm in love. I walk everywhere. I CAN walk everywhere. It's like a green heaven. Well, unless you consider that I had to fly to get here. Takes some of the green out of it. And - when I asked about the nearest grocery store where I could pick up some water and fruit, it was a 5-10 min drive. Is this bad? Not for some mom & pop shop where the guy has been polishing apples and putting them in a pyramid for the last 40 some years. But finding the place closed at 7:50pm on a weekday hurt just a little bit.
Now I'm absolutely dying for Phoenix to "catch up" with the downtown they've got going here. Oh, I know it will never be the same - we just don't have the same # of historical buildings all close together and walkable-like. But man - when I see how amazing it can be, and how well it can all work together - I'll admit I'm more than a bit jealous.
Oh - and I have a great hotel and I'm not sick. How much more do I love this place?
Tons.
So, flying here isn't green. But this city certainly can be - and pretty easily. I wonder how many cities don't even realize how good they've got it. And, I'm wondering how willing I'd be to trade in my 2K+ Square feet, 2 car garage and back yard with future fruit trees for an awesome downtown spot if I thought my downtown could ever be close to this? Or, even if it couldn't?
Off to dream in green....
I love this city.
I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the Huskers, to visit with one of our call centers out here. They are right across from the University in lovely downtown Lincoln. And I'm in love. I walk everywhere. I CAN walk everywhere. It's like a green heaven. Well, unless you consider that I had to fly to get here. Takes some of the green out of it. And - when I asked about the nearest grocery store where I could pick up some water and fruit, it was a 5-10 min drive. Is this bad? Not for some mom & pop shop where the guy has been polishing apples and putting them in a pyramid for the last 40 some years. But finding the place closed at 7:50pm on a weekday hurt just a little bit.
Now I'm absolutely dying for Phoenix to "catch up" with the downtown they've got going here. Oh, I know it will never be the same - we just don't have the same # of historical buildings all close together and walkable-like. But man - when I see how amazing it can be, and how well it can all work together - I'll admit I'm more than a bit jealous.
Oh - and I have a great hotel and I'm not sick. How much more do I love this place?
Tons.
So, flying here isn't green. But this city certainly can be - and pretty easily. I wonder how many cities don't even realize how good they've got it. And, I'm wondering how willing I'd be to trade in my 2K+ Square feet, 2 car garage and back yard with future fruit trees for an awesome downtown spot if I thought my downtown could ever be close to this? Or, even if it couldn't?
Off to dream in green....
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Day 4, or maybe 7 if you count the hours...
I've always had a not-so-secret nerd crush on Dilbert.
Who has worked in an office and not seen themselves or others in the office in a far too close to the truth form staring up from that comic strip? I used to post them regularly around my desk. Some done with only humor in mind. Some in hopes that the right person would casually see them, realize it was all about them and immediately stop whatever it was they were doing.
I fondly and vividly remember the series he did when Dilbert was given the opportunity to telecommute. As I'm finishing my first week of telecommuting, I realized it's not quite what I expected all those years ago.
While quite different, there are some interesting parallels.
Day 1 - I was too busy working to think about the time I saved by not having to drive into an office.
Day 2 I did decide to skip the shower until that evening. After staying up late to get a few extra things set up, I wasn't excited about needing to be up by 3:30am to be able to shower. Stay up til 3? Sure! Get up at 3? I don't think so.
Day 3 - Throwing pencil at the ceiling? But then I'd have to clean my own ceiling. A trait much better left in the office. But, I did get a bit "working from home wild and crazy". I baked a cake. not from scratch, and the frosting came right out of a can, but I did bake it. During my lunch hour. Well, the baking was during lunch hour. Wait, does it count as a lunch hour when my laptop was on the island and I was sending email while adding the eggs?
Day 4 - I am totally pro-clothes. I was in a meeting today though - but I was so busy working through it I hardly remember what was discussed. Pretty sure beards didn't come up. I did find out that I'll be traveling again the first week in June and I can expect to be even busier in the next few weeks.
I'm working 14 hour days (at least, with breaks here and there) and (so far) I'm loving it. There has to be something seriously wrong with me, I know. But for now, I'm just going to sit back (in my office chair), relax (get back to work on a project for tomorrow), and enjoy it.
Who has worked in an office and not seen themselves or others in the office in a far too close to the truth form staring up from that comic strip? I used to post them regularly around my desk. Some done with only humor in mind. Some in hopes that the right person would casually see them, realize it was all about them and immediately stop whatever it was they were doing.
I fondly and vividly remember the series he did when Dilbert was given the opportunity to telecommute. As I'm finishing my first week of telecommuting, I realized it's not quite what I expected all those years ago.
While quite different, there are some interesting parallels.
Day 1 - I was too busy working to think about the time I saved by not having to drive into an office.
Day 2 I did decide to skip the shower until that evening. After staying up late to get a few extra things set up, I wasn't excited about needing to be up by 3:30am to be able to shower. Stay up til 3? Sure! Get up at 3? I don't think so.
Day 3 - Throwing pencil at the ceiling? But then I'd have to clean my own ceiling. A trait much better left in the office. But, I did get a bit "working from home wild and crazy". I baked a cake. not from scratch, and the frosting came right out of a can, but I did bake it. During my lunch hour. Well, the baking was during lunch hour. Wait, does it count as a lunch hour when my laptop was on the island and I was sending email while adding the eggs?
Day 4 - I am totally pro-clothes. I was in a meeting today though - but I was so busy working through it I hardly remember what was discussed. Pretty sure beards didn't come up. I did find out that I'll be traveling again the first week in June and I can expect to be even busier in the next few weeks.
I'm working 14 hour days (at least, with breaks here and there) and (so far) I'm loving it. There has to be something seriously wrong with me, I know. But for now, I'm just going to sit back (in my office chair), relax (get back to work on a project for tomorrow), and enjoy it.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Emotional pizza
As I blow my nose and eat my delivered pizza, I realize that I've only had a single bottle of water today. Right now I'm about as far from healthy as you can get.
And yet this weekend I bought my first size 16 shorts. Well...my first size 16 on the way DOWN vs. on the way up....
I was pretty darn elated about it too. Also, before my trip I bought some size 18 things from a "regular" sized store - not the women's section - and they fit just great. I was almost over the moon on that one. It's one thing to be a "Women's" 18, but to be a regular old 18 was pretty cool. So why am I eating pizza?
Well, I'll tell you. My trip of errors is still not over. While the nausea has subsided, I have been struck with an awful cold/allergies (still not sure what as no medicine is working) and am almost constantly blowing my nose. No other signs, just blowing my nose and lovely sinus drainage. Lovely, don't you think?
So tonight when I was tired generally crabby, but when the idea of ordering Pizza and being lazy in my room made me momentarily happy, I knew I had to jump on it. There hasn't been a lot of happy on this trip. I did my research and found a small mom & pop shop and ordered from there. It wasn't the best pizza ever, but it gave me some happiness.
Emotional eating? You bet. Do I feel bad about it? Heck no.
Perhaps I should. I mean, I did have my oatmeal for breakfast, and a healthy salad for lunch to help sorta balance out the 1/2 a pizza I'm eating for dinner, but I still knowingly made an emotional decision to eat comfort food. I know it isn't good for me. And I know this isn't the way to lose more weight. But today, I just wanted a slice of happy. And for now, I'm ok with that.
I'm also not feeling bad about the 8 pieces of chocolates/fudge that I bought from a local spot out here yesterday. Walked the whole place. I knew I could have gotten much more. But instead I hand picked one of that and two of that and had her put it in a bag. Since yesterday I've had 3 pieces. It makes me a bit happy when I see the bag in the morning. It gives me hope thinking about it waiting for me when I get home. Again, am I making an emotional attachment to food? Well, sort of. I loved the buying of it almost more than the eating of it. (It's not as good as See's Candy back home.) It was so fun to spoil myself with a pedicure and a few hand picked chocolates, followed by dinner with good book. It was a Me evening. And if girl can't give in to a piece of chocolate now and then, what good is she?
When I get home I am going to be SO good again. Lots of water. Tracking my food again. Planing out meals. Getting more exercise. But for now, I'm making the best of a crappy out of town experience. Pizza and chocolate won't make it all better, but for tonight, they certainly do help.
And yet this weekend I bought my first size 16 shorts. Well...my first size 16 on the way DOWN vs. on the way up....
I was pretty darn elated about it too. Also, before my trip I bought some size 18 things from a "regular" sized store - not the women's section - and they fit just great. I was almost over the moon on that one. It's one thing to be a "Women's" 18, but to be a regular old 18 was pretty cool. So why am I eating pizza?
Well, I'll tell you. My trip of errors is still not over. While the nausea has subsided, I have been struck with an awful cold/allergies (still not sure what as no medicine is working) and am almost constantly blowing my nose. No other signs, just blowing my nose and lovely sinus drainage. Lovely, don't you think?
So tonight when I was tired generally crabby, but when the idea of ordering Pizza and being lazy in my room made me momentarily happy, I knew I had to jump on it. There hasn't been a lot of happy on this trip. I did my research and found a small mom & pop shop and ordered from there. It wasn't the best pizza ever, but it gave me some happiness.
Emotional eating? You bet. Do I feel bad about it? Heck no.
Perhaps I should. I mean, I did have my oatmeal for breakfast, and a healthy salad for lunch to help sorta balance out the 1/2 a pizza I'm eating for dinner, but I still knowingly made an emotional decision to eat comfort food. I know it isn't good for me. And I know this isn't the way to lose more weight. But today, I just wanted a slice of happy. And for now, I'm ok with that.
I'm also not feeling bad about the 8 pieces of chocolates/fudge that I bought from a local spot out here yesterday. Walked the whole place. I knew I could have gotten much more. But instead I hand picked one of that and two of that and had her put it in a bag. Since yesterday I've had 3 pieces. It makes me a bit happy when I see the bag in the morning. It gives me hope thinking about it waiting for me when I get home. Again, am I making an emotional attachment to food? Well, sort of. I loved the buying of it almost more than the eating of it. (It's not as good as See's Candy back home.) It was so fun to spoil myself with a pedicure and a few hand picked chocolates, followed by dinner with good book. It was a Me evening. And if girl can't give in to a piece of chocolate now and then, what good is she?
When I get home I am going to be SO good again. Lots of water. Tracking my food again. Planing out meals. Getting more exercise. But for now, I'm making the best of a crappy out of town experience. Pizza and chocolate won't make it all better, but for tonight, they certainly do help.
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