14 weeks

Remember that scene in "When Harry met Sally"? Sally sat on the edge of her bed and wailed, "And I'm going to be fourth!

Harry said, surprised and sympathetically, "When?"

And as Sally's cries come to a cresheno she yells, "SOMEDAY!"

When I saw that so many years ago it was funny and I felt some sort of sympathy for the idea that as women we all get older and that she was feeling that feeling that all of us feel now and then - "How is it that I am at this point in my life and THIS is all I've done?". The plans we made, the goals we had, all the things we were going to accomplish somehow don't happen quite the way we planned.

Now, I see that in a whole now way. Why, you may ask?

Because in 14 weeks, I will be 40.

This is not what I pictured. It's not what I pictured at all.

Even a few years ago. I thought I was on a path to be in a better place by now. I was eating healthy, losing weight and doing it the right way. I knew there would be struggles, but I knew I would make it. But instead, I fell back into bad habits. I became comfortable. I made excuses to myself, and part of me believed them.

I don't want to be fat when I'm forty. I know I will never be model thin. I know I wont look the way I did in high school. But if I can hold myself to healthy habits for the next 14 weeks I might at least get back to where I was a few years ago. And while last time my goals were bigger, today I just look forward to seeing 190 on the scale again.

The scale currently says 217. I am not happy.

Today was when I realized it was just 14 weeks away. Within 5 minutes, after the shock wore off, I had pulled up Daily Plate and I started tracking my calories. Then when I came home I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, and then made a uber-healthy chicken salad for dinner.

One day down, 14 weeks to go.