Today, after eating my bowl of cereal for breakfast and a Starbucks Red Velvet Cupcake for lunch, I decided to get on the scale before I got in the shower. I'm not sure if what I saw was a greater surprise, or if I should be more surprised that less than 5 minutes after eating a cupcake my sick sense of internal humor said "huh, I wonder what you weigh now?".
It was 199.2. While there was a time not so horribly long ago that number would have been cringe inspiring, not so much any more. Now - I was not so secretly excited at seeing a "1" at the beginning of the number.
Then, while driving to work I ate a handful of Cheetos. Dinner was a safe frozen choice - but of course that was followed up by a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and a small Almond Joy around 1:30am as I was starting to get hungry while I finished checking off time sheets at work. Then when I got home at almost 3am, I was so hungry I heated up some sloppy joe leftovers to make a sandwich.
I HAVE to start tracking my food again somehow. Not sure how and when and where in the world I'm going to scrape up that last bit of determination to do it consistently - but if I was tracking there's no way I would have made most of those decisions. I would have instead been driven to do more in hopes of seeing further decreases on the scale. Now, it's all about what's easy and convenient.
I feel like I'm getting closer but I'm just not quite there yet. Like I'm waiting for some kind of push. Or sign.
Funny, as I typed that line something hit me. Some of my favorite lines in a song are by Steven Curtis Chapman and they all but screamed out at me so I must be "supposed" to share them here.
"You're waiting for lighting.
A sign that it's time for a change.
You're listening for thunder
while He quietly whispers your name."
Hmmm... maybe I have been doing that after all. Listening for the thunder. Waiting for the neon flashing sign. But I'm so busy waiting for the big one, I'm missing all the small ones.
More to think about as I head off to sleep my funny little sleep schedule. Time to dream about healthy decisions!
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