Attempting to choose my own adventure - finally

Warning: The post you are about to read is blunt. Those with a weak stomach may want a friend to proof-read it for you first...

I'm hoping for a fresh start in hotel room #2 in my great "new job" adventure. Why a fresh start you may ask? Let's review.

#1 - My flight was late. About 30 min late. Not huge except the flight was already coming in SO late at night. It touched down about midnight.
#2 - My bag was the last one sent out from my flight. Maybe not last, but the crowds were gone. I think there was one guy left besides me...
#3 - The rental car wasn't in the right place. I was going up and down the levels until I finally found it myself - no help from the folks who worked there.
#4 - The GPS didn't work and I had no other back up directions because FOR ONCE I put my faith in having everything work out the was supposed to work.
#5 - Because I have to unpack before I can go to bed (though frankly that only takes 15-20 min max) I didn't lay down in bed until a bit after 2. And because I had just been running all over town, I was SO awake. It was well after 2:30am by the time I got to sleep.
#6 - The alarm went off at 5:30am. I was pretty exhausted through my first day at my first job. I caught my head bobbing a few times during a VERY important meeting. Great first impression...
#7 - I find out the internet in my room isn't working. The hotel and internet folks blame my laptop, and as it's new, I can't say anything. My first impression with IT will now be the girl who can't even make her internet work. Nice.
#8 - Trying to make my first day a bit better I stop in for some supplies at Trader Joe's. Decided to grab some pre-made food for dinner - healthy and cheap so the company should appreciate it. While I love Trader Joe's and will not stop shopping there - I got food poisoning eating the shrimp.
#9 - Day 2 of work I am late because I'm to busy throwing up and crapping I can't even make it into the shower. I finally make it in to work and spend the rest of my day running into the bathroom 2-3 times an hour until there is just nothing else to come out.
#10 - After Day 2, my plan is to come home, rest for a bit and then read through the benefit information I've been given. Heck no. I'm totally exhausted now and have a serious case of the chills. All I can do is crank up the heater, put on my jogging suit and crash out under the covers. I was basically out for the rest of the night.
#11 - I wake up on Day 3 too exhausted to get out of bed when the alarm goes off. I feel like I've been beaten up in a back alley - but from the inside out. I can't move without it hurting everywhere. I tell myself I'll sleep for 30 more minutes.
#12 - I am 2 hours late for work because I overslept. Didn't wake up until a girl from work called me to make sure I was ok after yesterday. Nice.

After finally getting to work and promising myself that today would be a different day - it was. I was able to take back some control. Learn a bit more. Talk to IT in an educated way about what I learned and what I needed. I had a fiber bar for breakfast and healthy Subway for lunch. After some fancy footwork with the Hotel proving to them the internet issue was their issue and not mine (pulled out the internet cable from their business center computer and put it in my laptop to prove it worked on their system - my idea, not IT's) they volunteered to give me a new room. King size bed instead of the queen I'd had. I lose my lovely view of the flowering tree, but I also lose the smell of the sushi and throw-up that I just couldn't get out of that other room. I figure it's a darn solid trade. I ate an unhealthy but felt good to my tummy dinner (fried chicken breast & mashed potatoes) that has filled me up so I'll sleep great tonight to start my first 100% fresh day at the office.

Off to sleep shortly to begin my newer and healthier day. It can't come soon enough...

Walking for health

There is a great organization out there called the Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization. While other groups work to find a cure in the future, Y-ME's focus is on providing help to those who are fighting breast cancer today. Their 24 hour support line staffed by others who have beat cancer is absolutely invaluable. Their other services are equally amazing - but the best part is that they are all provided at absolutely no cost. Everything is funded through our personal fundraising. Y-ME has been around for 30 years

Last year I wanted to participate in their annual Walk to Empower. I had friends participating. The Girlfriend was walking in it too. But I didn't. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to complete it. And who wants to be the fat girl sitting on the side of the street out of breath while the walking grannies speed walk right past you? Not me.

This year, I've registered to walk. Losing that weight (so far) and my trips to the gym (though recently those are a fond memory) has made me confident that I'll be able to finish this one.

I really encourage everyone to learn more about Y-ME. They really are an amazing organization. And if you're reading this before Mothers Day 2008, feel free to support me in the walk too. Because really, it's not supporting me so much as it is contributing to this great organization. My personal page, where you can also find out more about Y-ME, is http://main.y-me.org/goto/healthyorbust .

Let's keep focused on being healthy and keeping others healthy. One step at a time.

Grasping the sweet, sweet carrot

How long have I wanted a job where I could telecommute? So long. We can fondly remember the (lies) dreams once discussed at a prior job, and it was regularly held out as a carrot encouraging me to wait a bit longer, work a bit harder, hold on just a few more weeks. But we all know what happened there, right? A big whopping nothing followed by no job at all either.

But the whole world has changed. I have the carrot. In fact, right now it's feeling so good it's like carrot cake. Sweet - so sweet.

I was offered and I have accepted the job where I'll be 100% telecommuting from home.

[Woo hoo! Ahhhhhh!!! The crowd goes wild!!!]

Yea, I'll be killing some serious carbon emissions with the travel I'll be doing, but it's something, right? I've already thought about looking into carbon offsets but I think it's a bit too soon for that.

I fly back there in 2 weeks to learn their systems and get a good feeling for how they run their systems. I'm already a bit scared that they have me down as spending just a week there. Eek! I'd really like to make it 2 weeks, but we'll see...

So - one goal achieved. And yet, is it? We'll have to see how much flying I actually do to know how it all balances out. But for now - the carrot is mine.

Long live the carrot.

Not so focused

A few dinners out. A weekend of bad hotel/interview food. That's apparently all it takes to gain 2 lbs. 196 looked so nice on the way down, but after 194 it looked downright evil. I hated 196. The only thing that scared me more was the prospect of seeing a 2 again! EEEK!!

I've tried to be good, but I have NOT been as good as I once was. Bad food in the house. Dinner out with friends. Unable to easily track my food at work (and since I generally have no time to even cook decent food, where would I get the time to track food?) or any other time. It's been slow, but I got 194 back and held on to it. Today I saw 193. It's day 1 so completely unofficial, but I have my fingers crossed to see it tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow we're doing lunch with her aunt at a The Farm at South Mountain. Unknown calories, but all about natural, organic and healthy living. It makes me happy every time I go. Not so bad. Dinner on the other hand is with The Aunt who lived with us for the last year. It's a thank you dinner for help over the last year and for moving all of her stuff. Smothered pork chops, rice and gravy. I don't anticipate a vegetable - though if I know here there MIGHT be one covered in cheese or overly cooked with butter and salt. That said - I'm not anticipating to be 193 on Monday. But wouldn't it be a nice surprise Mr. Scale???

The girlfriend told me that this is her LAST unhealthy weekend. I know I've heard it before, but I have higher hopes this time. Her "buddy" who supports/encourages beer drinking and less-healthy dinner outings is joining a work based weight loss contest with money on the line. If her Buddy stays on track, I'm thinking my sweetie will as well. Well, at least most of the time. I can confirm that these will be my last smothered or fried pork chops for a long, long time. Gotta get serious. Have to find a way to start tracking better again. Have to find a new job so I can actually make it to the gym again. Have to stay focused.

Focus in my personal life has never been my greatest skill, but writing it down helps. My next quick goal is to be 18_. I'm SO close - but I've been close for a long time. Have to get it. Have to reach a goal to remind myself how great it feels to get there. And how hard you push for the next one. Focus. Focus. Focus. Or something like that.

Tick, Tick, Tick...

I once thought the biological clock was absolutely the loudest one around. I have discovered that there is a louder internal clock. The "Did I get a job that will let me telecommute?" internal clock.

I called my house 4 times today to check messages. I actually logged into my email once today to see if they sent anything over. Logged into email at work!!!! Can you imagine???

The day was a blur. All I remember is "Did they call yet?" and "Do you think they've called yet?" followed, once I found out they hadn't called, by "When do I think they'll call?". I was a mess.

But a happy mess. I think I did well in the interviews. The last person I met with said I'd impressed the other folks who met with me. In fact, he said I dazzled them. We'll see. Did I impress them enough for me to telecommute? That's what it's all about. I left there with a feeling that if I was local, the job could have been mine. But as I have no interest in moving to Ohio any time soon, and The Girlfriend has made it clear that she has NO interest in returning to Ohio EVER - I think we'll just have to see if they were willing to take me from here.

Deep breath. One more. Maybe one more. Repeat. After several more sets of the same I start to chill just a bit. In with the good air, out with the stressed air.

Whoooooooooooooooooo......

This morning I got up, went to the airport and got on a plane. I'm in Ohio right now. Flight was good. (Thanks for asking) But this post isn't just about the destination - it's about the journey.

So as you'll remember, I was out of work about a while ago. Got a new job about a month ago and while I can make it work out just fine - it's not my dream job and I'm not their dream employee. We both know it, and we went into the relationship with open eyes. About a week ago I got an email from a friend about a job she thought I might like. Doing something I've done before - something I know how to do pretty darn well. She thinks it might be a good match. But how would I feel about telecommuting?

How would I feel? How would I feel??? I'd be pretty darn out of my mind excited. Healthy food choices. Ability to do a few things around the house during "lunch". Easier access to the gym. And let's talk about the money I'd be saving on gas - which is getting more expensive every day. Yea - I think I'm ok with telecommuting.

So after a phone interview with the company they decide to fly me out for an interview. I've never been flown anywhere for an interview before and feels like such a compliment. They could be flying out 20 people, but I'm still taking it as a compliment.

I'm feeling a bit more confident in my newer slimmer self so I'm less scared about the face to face. I like my new size 18 suits. Interesting observation - I was able to pack everything I needed in just my overnight bag and my regular purse. Including a thick trench coat (that I bought big from the thrift store when I was a size 9 and just realized I can finally button it up again...), 3 pairs of shoes and my suit. I've tried to do that before and it never worked. Never. I have decided it fits better because the clothes are smaller. Might not be true, but it certainly made me feel better.

Then, when picking out my "wear to the air port and get picked up by an employee of the company" outfit, found one that was fun, modern and professional. I looked semi-hot. Well, maybe a bit more than semi-hot as I was getting several of "those" looks today. The guy who normally yells at folks to put their shoes in the basket was complimenting me on my shoes and calling me sweetie - while giving me one of "those" smiles. I almost forgot how much I missed things like that.

Then, when finally on the plane - I fit in the chair without touching the guy next to me. Sure, our elbows touched now and then, but my thigh stayed on its own cushion. My butt didn't push at the arm rests the way it used to do. Wearing a shirt that was pretty fitted around the waist, some "hugs the curves" jeans and high heels - I was actually comfortable on the plane. Really comfortable. Not just kinda comfortable. Completely.

Tonight I had my first contact with folks from the company. Not once in any of those conversations did my mind drift to the fact that I was too fat for the job, or that I would be judged by my weight. These are things that used to haunt me all the time - especially in situations like this where you KNOW the person is looking for faults.

In no way am I thin. Not even close. But what a difference 40 lbs makes.

Tomorrow is the big interview day - from 10:30am until 4:30pm. I'm going to be judged, poked and prodded. Luckily, there's 40 lbs less to judge, 40 lbs less to poke and prod. And if they like what they see - Mama gets to telecommute. Oh yea baby.

Fingers crossed...