The Doctor Part 2: You aren't dying...soon

My adventures with the lab tests were interesting. It went from worst to best - though even the worst wasn't so bad. The pelvic ultrasound was in itself easy - but having to drink all that water, not be allowed to pee and then someone wants to press on your tummy is not so fun. The vaginal ultrasound was...unexpected... but not uncomfortable. It was kinda cool to get to see the body's perspective from that angle. So as you can imaging the Mammogram after that was no big deal.

As I leave they tell me they will send my results in the mail. 3 weeks later I'm still waiting. 4 weeks later my Dr. is on vacation so they can't tell me anything. At the beginning of week 5 I get a call from the lab and they want me to come back to do a boob ultrasound. But she has no idea why. Gotta love that. I made the appointment for early the next week, but then asked for a Doctor to call me back with what they were looking for and/or why they needed the follow up test.

Have I mentioned recently how much I appreciate the discounted Cobra this administration pushed through? I thought about it every day while waiting for that letter to arrive...

I have to say, the Doctor who called me back was wonderful. Very informative and very calming. One of his first sentences was "We do not think it is cancer." This is the kind of direct communication I was looking for. Apparently I have dense breast tissue, and they can't really see what they need from a mammogram. He thinks I might have a few cysts, but those are common enough and generally no big deal - but they want to be sure. Again, I appreciate it. I'd rather come in 5 times to be 100% sure than just once for a 85% sure diagnosis.

Final results - I have 2 fibroids on the outside of my uterus, about 12 "nodules" in one boob and about 5 in the other. The fibroids aren't messing with Aunt Flo since they are on the outside, so no rush to deal with anything there. The "nodules" all look like the boring kind that oh so many people get so they aren't concerned - BUT I need to come in every 4 months for the next year for them to do continued follow up to track any growth, movement or changes in shape. Again, I appreciate the level of detail.

So, I can breath well again for now. I may be a bit extra lumpy, but I'm fine. I'm healthy.

And wasn't that the whole point?

:)

The Doctor: Part 1, No good excuses

I've worked on being better to the environment. I've worked on awareness for what I put into my body. I've made good strides in turning that healthy corner. One thing I hadn't done, for almost 4 years, is go to the Dr.

Now, I'm in no way one of those people that fears the Doctor. I like my Doctor and while I'm no fan of needles or giving blood, I would never let that stop me from going. So what has stopped me? Well, first I had no insurance. For about a year my job had no benefits. Then, I went through a series of jobs that had benefits - but required about 18 hours out of each day leaving little time to even think about the Dr, much less make a phone call - and I couldn't imagine taking time out of my busy day for a check up. But now, I certainly have the time. And, thanks to the reduced rate Cobra benefits for the rest of the year, I also have insurance.

My plan had been to go for a basic check up, but when I get there I find out that for a series of different reasons relating to the insurance - I actually need to schedule that as a separate visit. But, she asks me if there is anything particular that I'd like to discuss with her at this appointment. And I did...

I think it's only natural that when a person loses weight they begin to analyze all of their body's parts and sizes a bit more intently than they did before. While doing this sort of pinching, poking and prodding, I felt something that I had not felt before. A bit of a hard lump in my gut. I pulled over The Girlfriend for a comparison and while I felt something there with her, mine seemed bigger. I figured it was period related based on when I felt it. Then, over the next few months I noticed that it wasn't really changing in size based on "that time of the month". Seemed strange, but I figured it wasn't any big deal. I called it "My Tumor" much to The Girlfriend's distaste. She would routinely give the Arnold-esque response "It's not a tumor!". But who has time to check, right?

Recently I realized that while I had not lost any weight or done something to change my perspective on it, My Tumor had gotten a bit bigger. When lying flat on the ground, that side was just a bit higher than the other. It was time to go the Doctor, but I faced the fear that should I go to the Dr, if for any reason my coverage lapsed this would be counted as a pre-existing condition. With no clear job in sight, that it a scary proposition.

"Actually Dr., I have this weird lump I noticed..."

She has me lie down and without me even pointing it out she goes right to it. Next thing I know I'm being referred to get an ultrasound to check it out and she's confirming that I'm all done having children. What?? Um, no, I hadn't started yet. This seems to be a concern for her. The mass is in my uterus which right now feels as if I were 5 months pregnant. She mentions there is likely something that can be done about it if I still really want to have children. We both agree to cross that bridge when we have a better feeling for exactly what is happening.

Next week I will be getting an ultrasound, and my first mammogram.

The Doctor wasn't scared, so I won't be either. That's not to say I'm not anxious. I am.

Fingers crossed.

It all comes out in the end

Not having a job sucks.

Sure, it would be nice to not have a job because I'd recently won the lottery or found out that a mysterious rich uncle left me everything in his will or in some other ridiculous and miraculous way I became independently wealthy. Because of course that would be awesome. But no, this whole none of the income (except the $240/wk from unemployment which is close to nothing, and yet greatly appreciated) all of the bills and twice the guilt thing really sucks.

I'd been putting off a big shopping trip for some time as I was hoping to hear back on a job I interviewed for and a "maybe" contract gig. I figured if I got one of those it would be back to healthy foods and I might even splurge on a few extra organic veggies. Instead I was given a no on the job and a "it's all a waiting game" response from the folks in charge of the hopeful contract gig. So it became cheap food. Now I know that theoretically one can be healthy and be reasonably cheap, but since most of my meals are cooking for two, and ONE of us must have meat with every meal, wont eat eggs, beans or too many veggies it becomes a bit more difficult.

While there were many losses (A great price + Coupon on both frozen pizzas and taquitos) there were a few unexpected wins. My favorite was the toilet paper.

The reason the Toilet paper became the biggest win is because we're on roll #4, and I haven't gotten a complaint yet. And it's recycled. Last time I bought a 4 pack of a particular brand (cough...Nature's brand...cough), I was promptly told to never bring that sorry excuse for toilet paper back into the house. She was a Charmin girl and wanted to stay that way. Let me be honest - this new stuff is NO Charmin. There is a difference by a fair amount. But it's really not too bad. It's like I bought the cheap stuff vs. a name brand. But when using it one doesn't immediately know "hey, this is a green product, right?" which is a good thing. It's also good for keeping my household happy as I didn't just buy a 4 pack, I bought a 24 pack at Costco - quite the gamble.

It's called Earth First Bath Tissue. 100% recycled, 80% Post consumer and whitened without chlorine according to the package. And another cool thing about the package, it says that the plastic wrap holding it all together is "environmentally responsible" because it says "This plastic wrap has a predetermined life span and will expire in 18 months after manufactured date." And the cherry on top of this green TP sundae - it was the same price as the Costco brand (Kirkland) tissue paper so it also made it a good price!

I'm still without job. I'm still trying to straddle healthy and convenient. But I have found my new, greener, toilet paper. A happier, healthier step.

Super Salty

Forgive me blog for I have sinned. It has been far too long since my last confession.

I have been eating cheap instead of healthy. I have been eating low-stress/comfort foods instead of thinking about my food choices. I have been going back to NOT thinking about what I'm eating when it is more important than ever to think about what I eat.

Yesterday I had a good bowl of cereal to start the day, but lunch was a BBQ beef sandwich, potato salad and macaroni and cheese at some cheap BBQ spot, then we went to the movies and had popcorn and icees. Then dinner became Taco Bell, my drive through comfort food of choice, where I ordered poorly and ate it all. Worst of it all, in that whole day I had one bottle of water. One. I tried to correct it once we got home and had a 2 glasses of water - but it was too little too late. I felt the salt rising to the surface as I went to sleep. I woke up this morning feeling that if someone were to lick my arm they could taste the salt just seeping out.

It's before 9am and I'm working on my second glass of water. That was so gross, and I can't let it happen again. I got on the scale and I was at the 200 mark. Blech! I am going to work to flush some of those pounds, hoping that several of them are salt, in the next few days. I know that I can't eat with the same "I don't care what it costs, I have to eat healthy" mantra I had before, but I do need to ensure I'm making the best possible choices when I am able to choose.

I had lots of fun yesterday, but today I just feel gross. I need to remember that.

Bad food + No water = Super Blech.

Mental note.

Work it girl!

I'm going to a Green Networking cocktail hour today. I'm sure I'm less likely to find the job I can't live without than the appetizer I can't live without, but it's certainly worth a try! I'd love to work in a green industry, or even for a company that understands it's impact, and works to bring down their global footprint.

I'm going for the socialization and the appetizers, but more than ever I think I'm actually going to Network. That has always been my greatest weakness. Market your product? Sure! Market myself? Eeek!

But today I have to put it on out there. I might even put on the tinted lip gloss. :)

My button is stuck

It has been too long my friend. I think of you often. But while the thought means something with gifts but nothing with blogs. I'd hit that point in life where the words of my grandmother came back to me - "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I knew I wanted to post something, but decided to read through old posts for some inspiration. Some reflection of where I was, similar struggles I'd had in the past - that sort of thing. Something to help me put words on where I was right now. Suddenly - there it was. It wasn't a post - it was actually a draft. Something that somehow never got posted. This was written 10/26/8 and when I read it, I felt I could have just written it. With just one exception - I've been laid off again. So, not only am I on "Pause" as I mention below, someone just hit "stop" on my finances. (And isn't this just the perfect time to go looking for a job?) Still, the words below are quite timely...

I think somehow, somewhere someone hit the pause button on my life. Of course, life doesn't actually pause. That would be too easy. And we would notice much faster. But I've been noticing it this week and need to figure out how to get it "un-stuck".

My social life is on pause. I feel like I plan on so many things, but then do so little of it.

My weight is on pause. I suppose I should be happy its not on rewind. And it's nice that I have clothes that fit for these dang business trips - but still, I'd rather be losing weight.

My green-ing of my life has been put on pause in a bad way. Tons of flights, bottled water because you can't take a refillable bottle to the airport and gas driving to and from work each day - almost an hour each direction.

I work, I come home, Watch some TV, work some more, go to sleep, repeat.

I think I'm canceling my gym membership because we haven't gone in months. Well, I went once right before I got this job and I really hoped to make that a habit. But that was the only time either of us have gone in 5 months or so. Wasted cash. Then again, if we cancel I'll feel like I'm giving up on one of my goals. Its tough. That one I've put on pause. Easier to avoid than to have to make a decision.

I need to find my un-pause button. Or play. Heck, a little fast forward wouldn't even hurt. Who has my life's TIVO remote?

Crap, its probably me.