My button is stuck

It has been too long my friend. I think of you often. But while the thought means something with gifts but nothing with blogs. I'd hit that point in life where the words of my grandmother came back to me - "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I knew I wanted to post something, but decided to read through old posts for some inspiration. Some reflection of where I was, similar struggles I'd had in the past - that sort of thing. Something to help me put words on where I was right now. Suddenly - there it was. It wasn't a post - it was actually a draft. Something that somehow never got posted. This was written 10/26/8 and when I read it, I felt I could have just written it. With just one exception - I've been laid off again. So, not only am I on "Pause" as I mention below, someone just hit "stop" on my finances. (And isn't this just the perfect time to go looking for a job?) Still, the words below are quite timely...

I think somehow, somewhere someone hit the pause button on my life. Of course, life doesn't actually pause. That would be too easy. And we would notice much faster. But I've been noticing it this week and need to figure out how to get it "un-stuck".

My social life is on pause. I feel like I plan on so many things, but then do so little of it.

My weight is on pause. I suppose I should be happy its not on rewind. And it's nice that I have clothes that fit for these dang business trips - but still, I'd rather be losing weight.

My green-ing of my life has been put on pause in a bad way. Tons of flights, bottled water because you can't take a refillable bottle to the airport and gas driving to and from work each day - almost an hour each direction.

I work, I come home, Watch some TV, work some more, go to sleep, repeat.

I think I'm canceling my gym membership because we haven't gone in months. Well, I went once right before I got this job and I really hoped to make that a habit. But that was the only time either of us have gone in 5 months or so. Wasted cash. Then again, if we cancel I'll feel like I'm giving up on one of my goals. Its tough. That one I've put on pause. Easier to avoid than to have to make a decision.

I need to find my un-pause button. Or play. Heck, a little fast forward wouldn't even hurt. Who has my life's TIVO remote?

Crap, its probably me.

Good-bye Holidays!

The holidays are finally done over and gone. Officially.

I'm not talking about the calendar - I'm talking about the evil pounds those few "cheat" days brought me. Was that gingerbread Christmas tree really worth it? Well, maybe not, but having that awesome black pepper bacon with gingerbread pancakes and mimosas on Christmas morning was pretty awesome. Awesome. But I'm really wishing I'd held back a bit more because I gained several pounds. And I'd just gotten to a new low - 208. Well, I bounced back to 212 one day. EEK! Now I know it was almost all sodium and not drinking enough water to flush it all out - but MAN it sucked to see it all pop right back. As of January 1st, I was back at 208 though. Whew!

Yesterday though is when the real magic happened. The Girlfriend decided she was completely committing herself to being healthier. She'd talked about it before, but yesterday she made the firm decision. I'm a bit concerned because she's not going at it with any kind of plan. But - she committed to joining the Biggest Loser Million Pound Challenge as a team. And through doing that, she's promised to blog about what she's doing and how she's feeling every other day (I started writing on the required site yesterday - we're going to trade days). This could be really great for her.

Most important - we're going to the gym today. I've been paying more than $50 a month for the two of us and I don't think we've gone since September. I was about to cancel the membership. Of course, now we're going to be going with all the other "New Years Resolution" folks so the place will be packed. But at least we're going. I have my bag packed and in the car. I'm already getting excited to go. (I think there might be something wrong with me)

One last note. Though it's in no way official as it's only been one day - I hit 206 today. If that turns out to be "real" in a second showing tomorrow, that will make a total of 26 pounds.

Pretty freaking impressive.

Goals: Through the eyes of others

Today I put out a request to one of the groups I'm in on TDP (That's The Daily Plate for those of you that haven't been paying attention) to get their advice. I've been no lower than 220 since Oct 27th, with 7 days between now and then being a bit higher. So, I asked them to look at what I was eating, and the exercise I was tracking and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

I think they did a great job - though all saw something different. Here are the basics. Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Eat more fiber. Eat more in general - my calories are again slipping too low. Watch out for sodium. Get a regular work out routine that includes both cardio and weight training.

Simple enough right? Except I knew all these things needed to happen before. I've become MUCH more aware of sodium. I know I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies and I'm trying to make it more of a conscious thing. Haven't found that magical formula yet. And yes - I know I need to work out more regularly. I think The Girlfriend and I go back and forth blaming who's at fault for us not going. Right now I'm not going because I've been working long hours, then coming home to make dinner (freaking cooking taking all that time...) and then working on my big event this weekend. So yea - no gym time. I'd like that to change next week, but seriously - during Thanksgiving? I don't think so...

Here's what I saw when I read it all. I need to have a plan. I need to know what I'm going to eat for dinner when I leave for work so I know if it's a big snack day or a light one. I need to plan when I'm getting in those fruits and veggies. I need to know that it's going to be a heavy sodium dinner to I need to take a light sodium lunch. And I need to plan for the gym.

I have a sick fantasy about getting up early and going to the gym before work. But I'm a night person - NOT a morning person. Not sure I could really pull that one off. If I haven't come up with a better plan by January though - I think I might have to give it a shot. Maybe.

Crap. We'll see.

Let's get through Thanksgiving first.

Baby Steps?

On Wednesday I went to the gym. The Girlfriend went too, but I was the one who packed my gym bag the night before, told her I was doing it and then even reminded her the next day. Is this a small step? Heck yea. But one I'm proud of. I knew I wouldn't be able to go the next day as I had a church meeting, but it was nice to go. As for tonight - not sure we'll hit the gym - but what I'd like to do is to go/do something active. Walk around the pond at the local park. Go dancing. Bringing some active into lifestyle - not just at the gym. And this weekend my activity goal is to buy a pump for our bike tires. I don't think I'll be able to afford to get a new bike any time soon, but I'm going to make a try at riding the one I have.

All that sounds good, right? Now here's the weird part.

Wednesday morning I hit the scale for some reason. Again, it said 230. Again, I thought it was lying. I move about my day... la la la...feeling good, doing good. Thursday morning for some reason I hit the scale again - pretty rare for me to do it 2 days in a row. 229. Whaaaaaa??? Ok, I didn't believe it at 230, so why is it that part of me wants to believe the 229 hype? I haven't seen a 20-something in awhile so while it's still ridiculously huge, it's a gigantic step IF it's true.

Since yesterday involved no gym and a few bad meals, I didn't try the scale again. I'm going to try to have a good weekend and see how it all looks. If I'm still in the 20's I could be a very happy girl. If not - death to the scale. Ok, not really. But I'll be thinking about it.